The Turning Point

There was nothing Jewish about Michael. Nothing at all: he didn’t look Jewish, he didn’t dress Jewish, he didn’t act Jewish; a Jewish sense of humor? Forget it. He didn’t fast on Yom Kippur or eat matzo on Passover. He didn’t know a prayer book from a bible. In short, he just didn’t care.

Michael never questioned his distance from the ways of his forefathers because his life seemed on track.  He was so far from his Jewish roots and from himself that it even seemed normal and sensible to avoid dating Jewish girls. It wasn’t until after Michael’s first marriage crumbled that he starting thinking about how far he had strayed from his Jewish roots and from himself.

Michael wondered if there was more to life than getting up every day to go to work, to pay the bills, to go drinking and dancing with his friends on weekends. Michael was quickly slipping into depression. What was the meaning of his life? How could he achieve real happiness? Would he ever experience the love that he saw in his grandparent’s marriage?

One day, Michael got a call from his cousin Larry who had heard about Michael’s divorce and wanted to help him get his life together. Larry was a lively character with a strong Jewish identity. Michael didn’t realize how frightened he was of Larry whose outgoing personality reflected his pride in being Jewish. Larry had a Jewish sense of humor and peppered his conversation with Yiddish expressions that Michael had never heard of.

When Larry told Michael that he knew a “nice Jewish girl” who he wanted him to meet Michael almost fell off his chair.  He definitely wasn’t interested. He had his own ways of finding women and he wasn’t so desperate that he needed to go through his “Jewish-matchmaker-cousin.”

Remember, Michael was still “sleeping.”  He had no insight into his dilemma.  It took time, but he finally asked himself: “What is my aversion to Jewish women about? Why have I been avoiding them for all this time?

Michael’s pain was great but for some reason he said “yes.” He would meet Lauren.

Michael stood nervously at the door to Lauren’s apartment and rang the bell. When Lauren came to the door, Michael could barely make eye-contact with her. Even though he had enjoyed speaking with Lauren on the phone the aversion was back. He felt something stopping him.

Michael entered Lauren’s flat and she offered him a chair. They spoke for a while before she offered him some wine. Michael was so nervous that he knocked the wine glass to the floor and cracked it. This wasn’t the last time that he would do this. The wine spilled out onto the new carpet. They both laughed. It broke the tension – but not for long.

Michael wasn’t himself at dinner either. He had been on many dates before but there was something very different about his one. It was that “Jewish” thing again – it was his fear of commitment but he still didn’t know this.

Sitting there with Lauren, Michael felt simultaneously more uncomfortable and more comfortable than he had ever felt in his life. When he could tell that Lauren liked him, Michael started feeling more whole and more at ease. He started to relax. He even found himself sounding a bit Jewish and then, of course, he tensed up again.  Despite his anxiety, Michael felt very whole with Lauren. It was confusing, but it seemed like he had known her his whole life. He definitely had never felt as comfortable with anyone.  He wondered if he was falling in love.

Michael continued to fluctuate. He knew that he wasn’t going to get another chance. He might never meet another girl like Lauren.  It was an ongoing battle for him – all the way to the marriage canopy. At the end of the ceremony, Michael broke another wine glass in Lauren’s presence but this one was to heal him forever more.

As a married man, Michael’s self-image began to change. With Lauren and her “Jewish” family, he could finally get used to being himself.  For the first time in his life, Michael didn’t feel the pressure to live up to the male stereotype of what he thought he should be.

Slowly but steadily, Michael kept learning more about himself from his new wife.

The next major challenge came when Lauren was pregnant with David – their first son. Lauren was shocked that Michael didn’t want to perform a brit (a ritual circumcision) on their baby. She explained the importance of this mitzvah (biblical commandment) to Michael who ultimately acquiesced.

This was the turning point. 

Michael arranged everything for his son’s brit down to the last detail. For some strange reason, Michael choose an Orthodox Rabbi to perform the brit on his son and only kosher food was served at the celebration.

More strange things were to follow.  After the brit, Michael began to attend services at the synagogue of the Rabbi who had been involved in his son’s brit. He got excited about learning to read the prayers in Hebrew and asked Lauren if she would teach him the Hebrew letters and vowel pronunciations which she did.

Lauren was also in something of a “sleep.”  Michael’s sudden interest in everything Jewish wasn’t what she was used to either. Her background was Conservative not Orthodox. Why had she married a man who a few weeks ago didn’t want to make a brit, and now was quickly becoming so interested in Orthodox Judaism?

It was then that Lauren remembered something. It was the day of her bat mitzvah, right after she had recited a section from the prophets publicly in the Conservative synagogue. She remembered a conversation that she had with the Rabbi who had prepared her to sing from the book of the prophets. Although the Rabbi was working in a Conservative synagogue, he himself was Orthodox.

The Rabbi spoke to Lauren alone in his study.  He looked seriously and caringly into Lauren’s eyes and told her that she had performed beautifully and flawlessly.  He told her that according to the Torah, she was no longer a child. She had passed into “adulthood.” Lauren listened as the Rabbi made her promise that she would only marry a Jewish man.

Lauren never gave much thought to the promise that she made that day. She also assumed that she would marry a Jewish man.

But today Lauren knows that her promise to the Rabbi meant much more than she could ever have imagined. The truth is that right before she met Michael, Lauren had been seriously dating a non-Jewish man and had considered marriage.

Lauren’s husband Michael continued his Jewish studies and eventually became a Rabbi himself. Today by the grace of G-d they are happily marriage, living together in Israel with their four beautiful children who they are raising in the ways of their forefathers.