I Want My Soulmate!

Dear Racheli,

I am a 37-year-old single woman who has recently been introduced to Rabbi Arush’s teachings. I can’t say enough how wonderful they are! But there’s an issue I have yet to fix: I want my soulmate, and he’s just not appearing! I’ve dated for years, and each time I feel it’s just not the right guy. How can I use emuna to make Hashem give me my soulmate now?

Liana

Liana,

Well now, pretty lady, let’s go over one of the main points of emuna that you (and I) have conveniently pushed to the back of our minds.

You asked, “How can I use emuna to make Hashem give me my soulmate now?”

Hmmm…

The answer is, you can’t.

You can’t make Hashem do anything.

Liana, emuna is not about being a good girl so you can convince Hashem to give you what you want faster. It’s not about trying to manipulate Hashem into creating a certain situation. It’s also not about insisting that what you think you want is actually what’s best for you.

Let’s go over the steps that will help you get every blessing in your life, including a guy who’s perfect for you.

Notice I said “for you,” and not just perfect! Perfect doesn’t exist in this world. Aside from me, but there always has to be an exception to every rule.

Okay, so here are the points you need to internalize:

1. Be thankful for what you already have! This will create the vessel for you to receive more blessings. Because why should Hashem give you more when you’re complaining about what you already have? Makes sense, right?

2. Realize that Hashem knows what He's doing. Hashem is very patient, and many times He waits for us to correct personal flaws or advance spiritually before sending us our soulmate. Or maybe He’s waiting for your soulmate to make more money so he can buy you a fancy diamond ring and a big house.

3. Don't complain! Yes, you have things in your life that are lacking. We all do. Rebbe Nachman explains that when there’s an area in your life that needs improvement, it’s because it’s an area that you haven’t prayed for enough. Sooo, if you don’t have a soulmate, that’s the area that you need to put more effort into praying for. Whatever you're missing, pray for it. But remember, be happy with your current situation!

You just reminded me… I haven’t prayed for my ‘round the world cruise in a while. Better get back to it asap!

4. Ask Hashem for everything you want! Why stop at just a soulmate? Ask for the world! Is anything too difficult for Hashem? Don't worry about asking too much or bothering Him too much. No such thing! The more you talk to Him, the better. It shows you believe in Him and you know that nothing can happen without His allowing it to.

Many people mistakenly think that it’s contradictory to ask Hashem for what you want, while at the same time realizing that what you want may not be what’s best for you.

In reality, there’s no contradiction.

Asking Hashem does two main things: it builds up your spiritual bank account so you can “earn” in some way the thing you’re asking for. Plus, it strengthens your connection with Hashem.

Whether you get or don’t get what you want, the outcome is not up to you. It sounds strange, but there’s really no direct connection between what you ask for and what you get. One does not cause the other to happen. It just creates the possibility that it may happen if it’s best for you.

Which leads me to tip #5: LET GO!

Liana, this could be the most difficult tip of all. After you decide you want something, your brain locks in on that thing and doesn’t let go until you get it. But it makes the time in between start to go agonizingly slow, until all you do is focus on that one thing you want but don’t have.

So, I know this is hard, but work on letting go of the issue. It will happen when it happens. I know how easy it seems for me to say because I’m married. But I was in your position and all I did was focus on what I wanted. It was torture! I’m just trying to save you from torturing yourself.

Save all the torture for your husband, when he does things that upset you, like forget how to cook, do laundry, go to the supermarket, and put the toilet seat down.

Did I just clarify things? Or make them more confusing?

Well, no matter. The bottom line is that I’ve given you five life-changing tips that will, um, change your life. Use them wisely!

Oh, and don’t forget that there’s no sin in asking for a guy with lots of money! Ain’t nothing not spiritual about money! Just keepin’ it real, yo.

Wishing you a happy life with your future (G-d willing) other half!

Racheli