I only began at age 62. I'm 67 now. I think of all the wasted years. I was brought up very Reform. I was taught that G-d is a punishing G-d. I was never taught He loves me. I was brought up with very skewed ideas of Hashem. My current husband is not in the path with me which makes it very difficult. He says he's spiritual but doesn't like the idea of religion. His mother was Hewisg and father was not. So, he grew up with less than I did. He calls me a religious fanatic for dressing modestly and covering my hair and wearing long skirts. He lives in jeans and T-shirts. He puts in a kippah to go to Chabad for services although that's rare. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer, but he says he prays to his Higher Power. He's been sober 39 years through AA. That's his religion. So, I'm alone on my journey. FYI-my sister converted to Christianity 40 years ago. My nephew denies he's Jewish and even belonged to a fraternity in college that doesn't accept Jews! Only my son in Israel will continue Judaism and he's not religious, and he thinks I'm crazy, too. So, I'm alone on my journey.
2. Dina Leah
1/07/2019
I don’t understand
What is shovevim, the acronym of "the six-week period that we are in the midst of, a most opportune time to return to Hashem"? I never heard of this before. Is it like Elul? And, what if I don't know what I did wrong to divorce a physically abusive husband that led me to lose custody of my son, my only child. I was in fear of my life. Growing up Reform, I knew nothing of laws of divorce or even that Hashem is good and loves me. For 36 years I've felt I've been punished for something having lost my only child when he was only 6 yo to his father. It's hard to think of a father loving me. My biological father doesn't love me. He only loves my sister and talks badly about me. My son's father beat me so badly I had to divorce and give up my ink child, my son, as "payment" to receive my Get. So the idea of a living Father is foreign to me. My mom and I were close. She died this past Tamuz. My current husband married me when he was 59 and was and never will be a father. So, how can I believe that Hashem loves me as a Father? As you read, I don't see fathers as loving. My biological father gives money to those he loves. He stopped giving me money. He's 91 yo. So, that relationship is nothing. He will die soon and I don't care. He doesn't love me. So, the idea of Hashem as a loving father is foreign concept. I'll just call Him G-d or Hashem. But, Father?
1/07/2019
I have been trying to return
I only began at age 62. I'm 67 now. I think of all the wasted years. I was brought up very Reform. I was taught that G-d is a punishing G-d. I was never taught He loves me. I was brought up with very skewed ideas of Hashem. My current husband is not in the path with me which makes it very difficult. He says he's spiritual but doesn't like the idea of religion. His mother was Hewisg and father was not. So, he grew up with less than I did. He calls me a religious fanatic for dressing modestly and covering my hair and wearing long skirts. He lives in jeans and T-shirts. He puts in a kippah to go to Chabad for services although that's rare. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer, but he says he prays to his Higher Power. He's been sober 39 years through AA. That's his religion. So, I'm alone on my journey. FYI-my sister converted to Christianity 40 years ago. My nephew denies he's Jewish and even belonged to a fraternity in college that doesn't accept Jews! Only my son in Israel will continue Judaism and he's not religious, and he thinks I'm crazy, too. So, I'm alone on my journey.
1/07/2019
I don’t understand
What is shovevim, the acronym of "the six-week period that we are in the midst of, a most opportune time to return to Hashem"? I never heard of this before. Is it like Elul? And, what if I don't know what I did wrong to divorce a physically abusive husband that led me to lose custody of my son, my only child. I was in fear of my life. Growing up Reform, I knew nothing of laws of divorce or even that Hashem is good and loves me. For 36 years I've felt I've been punished for something having lost my only child when he was only 6 yo to his father. It's hard to think of a father loving me. My biological father doesn't love me. He only loves my sister and talks badly about me. My son's father beat me so badly I had to divorce and give up my ink child, my son, as "payment" to receive my Get. So the idea of a living Father is foreign to me. My mom and I were close. She died this past Tamuz. My current husband married me when he was 59 and was and never will be a father. So, how can I believe that Hashem loves me as a Father? As you read, I don't see fathers as loving. My biological father gives money to those he loves. He stopped giving me money. He's 91 yo. So, that relationship is nothing. He will die soon and I don't care. He doesn't love me. So, the idea of Hashem as a loving father is foreign concept. I'll just call Him G-d or Hashem. But, Father?