You Don’t Need “Fixing”

Rebbe Nachman is quoted as saying that happiness is more difficult to achieve than anything else in Judaism. By this he meant a feeling of constant happiness, in all situations.

Why is this genuine happiness so hard to come by? Because it has a very big pay-off, or reward: G-d protects a happy person with a special protection. Happy people are genuinely serving G-d, and genuinely enjoying their lives. If they hit a tough time, their happiness and joie de vivre smooths it out. Their life isn't over, G-d forbid. Their desire to serve G-d and do His commandments isn't over, G-d forbid. They aren't looking for a reason to stay in bed all day, or a rationale to cut G-d out of their life. The discomfort from that “bad” experience is minimized by their joy. They get through it faster, they come through it stronger, and once it's behind them, they are even happier than before.

That's why depression is considered the worst sin in the Torah– because it inevitably leads to other sins. It is like the lighter fluid that ignites all the other bad behaviors and desires and bad characteristics in a person.

Depressed people are much more likely to eat unhealthy or forbidden foods; they are much more likely to indulge in unhealthy or forbidden behaviors; they'll find it much harder to pray; much harder to make their kids lunch; much harder to prepare for Shabbos, much harder to treat other people nicely, with the proper respect, etc. That's why being happy is not just a choice or a preference–it's a Torah commandment.

The Torah obligates us to be happy. It says very clearly: “You shall rejoice with all the good that the Almighty has given you” (Devorim 26:11). So now we come to the question of questions: can a person really be commanded to feel happy? According to our Sages, it is not the nature of man to be happy. Man’s nature is to constantly want more than he presently has. He who has one hundred wants two hundred” (Koheles Rabbah, 1:34). So how can the Torah mandate happiness?

G-d would not obligate us to do the impossible. He wouldn't command us to be happy, and then send us inner turmoil and difficult circumstances to completely take us off track. The answer is that G-d gives each of us the special ability to be happy with exactly what we have this very moment. We can all learn to live in this unique and timeless moment and feel extremely secure and calm with our lot in life. How can we do this? By internalizing the three main principles of emuna (which isn’t as easy as it sounds). Internalizing emuna principles could take hundreds of repetitions–but that’s nothing to fret about either –G-d will give you all the time you need for that if He sees that’s what you really want.

First, we must internalize that there is a G-d, and He is running every single detail of our lives. There is no such thing as random happenstance or coincidence. Everything is Divine Providence, tailor-made to provide us with the optimal circumstances we need to fix our souls.

Second, we must work on getting into our hearts that everything happening to us is only a kindness from the Almighty. Even when it hurts, it's coming to correct something fundamentally flawed. It's spiritual surgery–not fun, perhaps, but still necessary and life-saving.

And last, G-d is trying to start a conversation with us. He wants a relationship. He's trying to give us clues all the time about what we're really doing down here, and what's required of us. Our job is to sing to G-d, build our relationship with Him every single day, and work out what He's trying to tell and show us and respond accordingly.

It might take a long time to do all this spiritual work but who cares. You can be happy even when you are prone to depressing ruminative thoughts and low moods by remembering that negative thoughts and feelings are NOT you. The real you is naturally happy, whole and perfect. You don’t need to be fixed. It’s only your relationship with negativity from within and without that needs fixing. So, learn how good and perfect you really are and you’ll start putting some distance between you and those annoying thoughts and emotions when they come again.