Dividends of Disappointment

Disappointment is certainly one of the most bitter parts of being alive. I’m not talking about going to the ice cream store only to learn they ran out of rocky road, or driving 2 hours to that 50% off sale to find out they ran out of exactly what you were looking for.

Deep disappointment comes when the other guy gets that promotion and you know there is no point in continuing at your current profession, even if it is what you dreamed of all your life. It’s when you meet your soulmate only to discover she chose another man. It’s when you succeed in everything in life and something inside you says it was pointless.

It’s like chewing a cocoa pod, one of the most bitter fruits on earth.

But once you grind it and mix it with milk and sugar, it becomes chocolate. Ground with other self-willed ingredients, your deepest disappointments in life can transform into some of your sweetest moments that last forever.

What Deep Disappointment Teaches

Keep Moving at all Times. Disappointment is a reminder that we live in a ballgame. Sometimes you’re up, some you’re down, but there is a limit to how long you are on the field. This world is a place to score points. Every mitzvah performed adds to your personal scoreboard. When you are up 50-0 in the third quarter you get complacent. Even if you win 50-43, you could have added another 100 points to your life total. Disappointment keeps the game close. It’s the perfect catalyst to keep you pushing right until the last second.

Work through Pain. Every Golani or Marine will tell you the same thing about physical endurance. You have to get used to discomfort. The key to accomplishment is to be as motivated to produce when you are feeling pain as you are when you feel fine. Working through personal adversity is a skill. It’s a muscle that develops with time. You need to do it over and over again to reach the point where your heart is as strong as ever – even if it is broken to pieces.

Strengthen Your Love of Hashem. G-d rewards the effort. There is a Gemara about two Jews who redeemed an entire generation. One was among the most intelligent of his generation; the other was among the least. They learned a Gemara 800 times. It was in the merit of the teacher, who taught the student 800 times without quitting, and in the merit of the student, who learned 800 times without quitting, that an entire generation of Jews was redeemed. To do a mitzvah under the duress of disappointment takes so much more toil than to perform the same action as a routine. A disappointment is an ongoing gift; everything we do is blessed with immensely more merit.

Humility. The greatest reward in this world is a deflated ego. It’s the great remedy to senseless hatred, stress, and illness. Man plans and G-d laughs goes the great saying. Disappointment is Hashem saying that your life is not yours, it’s His. He knows what’s best for you and can derail your current path for another one in an instant. It’s a humbling experience. Accepting the switch of what you want to what He wants is reducing your ego to the point where it can fit into new and exciting places. This is a huge service to Hashem, the Jewish People, and the entire world.

These examples are the chocolate, but what is the main ingredient that transforms the bitter pod into the scrumptious sweet?

Emuna.

That’s the secret sauce to the mix. Knowing that it all comes from Hashem, it is good, and it is for our benefit enables us to gradually accept our disappointments, transform them, and adapt to utilizing them constantly towards our own benefit.

In time, disappointment becomes a hidden treasure – then it won’t be disappointing at all!

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David Ben Horin lives in Israel with his wife and three children. He is the author of http://www.abetterlifeinisrael.com/, a video workshop on how to achieve in Israel everything you want to achieve anywhere else.