A State of Unknown

I’m almost in a panic.

My housekeeper of six years just broke up with me!!

Hashem!! What am I going to do??

It turns out she was seeing some other people on the side, and she didn’t want anyone to find out about her secret affairs. “It’s complicated,” she told me when I demanded details.

The state started cracking down on caretakers for the elderly who have been clocking in hours when they weren’t actually there. So now her whole work schedule as a housekeeper has been ruined. She’s got to stay with the people she cares for basically half a day, and she doesn’t want to start her housekeeping job too late in the day.

We’ve been together since I made aliyah, and now the dream is over. I have to find someone else. But the way she told me caught me so off-guard, I’m still in recovery mode.

As I was paying her before she left, she casually mentioned that I would need to find someone else. She felt really bad, and I understand that breaking up is hard to do, but nonetheless it totally blindsided me.

The thought of having to start anew with someone else, to show them how I like everything to be done, to maybe have to go through several people until I find someone I’m happy with, and all before my son’s bar mitzvah next month, is very overwhelming.

But isn’t that life?

All of a sudden, Hashem hands us a crazy unexpected situation that turns our entire lives upside down. Granted, my housekeeper leaving me is far from the worst thing that could happen, and I hope it’s the worst thing that will ever happen to me.

But still, I need that extra help. Running a busy house with a husband, five tornadoes and no dishwasher is a lot of work. And now I don’t know what will be.

You know what, though? I think that’s how Hashem wants it to be. He doesn’t want us to get too comfortable in a situation or to take anything for granted. So sometimes He’s gotta shake us up a little. Or a lot.

You know what else? I think that He wants us to be in a state of unknown about the future. That way we must turn to Him with our problem and ask Him for help.

When we really think about it, we realize that the future is so beyond our control, so unpredictable. We can’t even know if we’ll stub our toe two seconds from now. We’re literally living from one moment to the next without any perception of the future.

When our ancestors were livin’ it up in the desert and eating manna, the heavenly meal that appeared each morning, they had no choice but to trust that Hashem would give them food the next day. And He never failed them, day after day.

It amazes me that thousands of years later, we’re still struggling with this whole trusting Hashem thing. I mean, hasn’t He proven Himself in our lives over and over and over again? Don’t we read Torah portions each and every week that clearly show how Hashem is watching over us and has a plan for us? Don’t all of the miracle stories that we constantly hear reinforce the idea that Hashem is taking care of us?

But yet, we still struggle.

And I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Trusting Hashem is one of the hardest battles we have to fight, and it’s a lifelong battle. Even when things are going smoothly many of us have a hard time trusting that the future will be okay. But when He throws us into that state of unknown, we should know that He’s bringing us higher spiritually, because He’s forcing us to rely on no one but Him.

And when we see our salvation, when things work out, we will clearly see His involvement in our lives and become so much closer to Him.

I don’t know what will happen, but I trust that everything is the way Hashem wants it to be. And I believe with all my heart that He’s doing it for my best.

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Feel free to send Racheli your questions, particularly in the areas of marriage, dating, child-rearing and women's role; write her at racheli@breslev.co.il