Advice that Fits

Our Sages tell us that, to the extent that we put our trust in Hashem, we merit experiencing His hashgachah pratit, that is, His constant supervision and protection over our lives.  However, to the extent that we – even momentarily – put our trust in anyone or anything else, we lose that attachment to Hashem and we fall under the Hashem’s general supervision of the world, i.e. the natural way of the world, when we may not merit the same protection.

It seems almost impossible for any Jew to be able to achieve this constant dvekut/attachment on a constant basis but this is what Hashem created us for and that He knows we can achieve, and He absolutely desires that we turn to Him for everything we need…even advice.

Advice, you say?  How can Hashem give us advice? Well, the obvious route is the Torah.  But even with an understanding of Torah and a commitment to Hashem’s mitzvot, advice sometimes seems very hard to come by in the absence of prophets. It would be great if we could receive personal advice direct from Hashem because then we’d know for certain that it would be perfect and there would be no doubt as to the correct decisions we needed to take. Of course that would take away our free will and subsequent reward [or the reverse] but I have to admit that sometimes I think I would be willing to forgo that reward if just occasionally all the doubts would just evaporate.

I’ve been asking for and receiving advice recently. Mainly, it’s to do with going to Israel but other personal situations as well and I started to find myself being pushed out of my own head space by everyone else’s opinions, all of which were very worthy and practical.  And there we have it: worthy and practical.  It’s just that I found I couldn’t “attach” to any of the advice. This last Shabbat everything seemed to come to a head; I just could find any inner peace, I was obsessing about coming to Israel, about all the personal plans, will Mashiach get there before me, would we be the last Jews on the plane, would Hashem even remember to redeem me and my mother! In reality some of the plans are already underway [like I’ve got an interview with the Jewish Agency] but I also know that at this moment in time they are logistically pretty impossible.  And so there I was with a big breach of emuna in Hashem and my Evil Inclination in full control.

After Shabbat, I tried to work out why it had all gone so wrong.  And I realized quite quickly what it was, I was pushing Hashem out of the picture.  Up to fairly recently, I had quite a clear vision of how I wanted my life to look in Israel, where I wanted to live with my mother with Hashem’s help.  I knew it wouldn’t be perfect, and that there might be restrictions on my personal movement but I thought if it’s a religious community with outside space and close to nature with access to Jerusalem/other city, that seemed to be the right route.  I even had a place in mind, one where although I didn’t know it personally I know or know of people who live there and whenever I drove past this area I always experienced an unusual emotional sensation of not wanting to leave the area, almost a homesickness, that it was holy [as it so happens this area is considered to be a holy place].  I even discovered I had a relative there who I have never met and my mother’s cousin lives next door and my mother expressed a desire to live close to this cousin as they grew up together.  So with this in mind, it was a done deal, sort of.  Until I started to ask for advice…

I didn’t get the positive response I wanted. I think it might be too remote, the person said.  So I took it on board, and felt quite disappointed and flat.  So I looked at other areas, I had to be practical as my mother would need a wheelchair.  So we came to the conclusion that downtown Jerusalem would best fit and indeed the areas suggested have established communities and it was quite eclectic. I was told that this was a great idea, that I could find my own level [whatever that means] and I sourced two organizations/communities.  I was told this area has everything, restaurants and coffee shops {?!!] and that was by someone religious. Was that the impression I was giving about what I wanted from living in Hashem’s palace? And then I realized something…actually the people who I asked actually don’t know me deeply enough [ and why should they] and what my spiritual aspirations are even if it’s way above my current spiritual level.

And so I’ve decided to leave the worldly advice at the door and re-focus on my relationship with Hashem and my own sense of knowing which in the past has never let me down.  I’ve also decided to pursue the original area I feel drawn to, because even it doesn’t work out at least I’ll know it’s not because I’ve listened to someone else’s advice without first following my own intuition.

And maybe that’s what it comes down to: it comes down to sometimes having a sense of knowing what you want to do even if it doesn’t seem to be logical and yet it works out.  So maybe Hashem does give advice after all, quietly almost silently, you just have to listen very hard.

And don’t forget to ask Him for advice.