Totally agree, Racheli.

Thanks, Racheli. I totally agree. Like you, I've personally seen incredible life improvements just from thanking Hashem. And you would not believe what a melacholy self-pitier I was before….I didn't mean to be, I just didn't know better. I still can't believe my friend's husband improved to "bearable" mostly from her thanking Hashem. She tried so much other stuff, jumped through such high hoops after consulting with different "pros"…I couldn't believe he'd change at all. According to Western psychology, these people aren't supposed to. She said she'd davened before for her marriage to improve, like at Shabbat candle-lighting, but she always davened from a place of hopelessness and misery (because she didn't know better until she read "Garden of Emuna"). We didn't know better, we didn't know better…ignorance is definitely not bliss when it comes to emuna. I also learned the hard way that our davening must come from a place of gratitude, no matter how agonizing, or the davening just doesn't work. I agree that "Garden of Healing" is a great book and everyone should read it. In that book, Rav Arush discusses things that no one else discusses, problems that people really need addressed and can't find guidance anywhere else. A bit tagential, but on a parallel track: Personally, I was able to get rid of all my different chinuch books after reading "Garden of Education." I no longer read anything on chinuch or attend any classes because I realized that it's all very well-meaning half-truths given over by very well-intentioned people who ultimately cannot help parents as much as they'd like. It's very liberating and so much more effective than anything else I've ever done! I probably sound nuts, but I saw two of my children change so drastically, one in a way that everyone says is impossible without professional intervention — just from following what "Garden of Education" says. And it didn't take years or even months, but weeks. Okay, there are some things I am still davening/waiting for, but Hashem, for His own reasons, doesn't let you have it all in one bite. Still, I'm grateful and amazed for what I have received.

Thanks, Racheli. I totally agree. Like you, I've personally seen incredible life improvements just from thanking Hashem. And you would not believe what a melacholy self-pitier I was before….I didn't mean to be, I just didn't know better. I still can't believe my friend's husband improved to "bearable" mostly from her thanking Hashem. She tried so much other stuff, jumped through such high hoops after consulting with different "pros"…I couldn't believe he'd change at all. According to Western psychology, these people aren't supposed to. She said she'd davened before for her marriage to improve, like at Shabbat candle-lighting, but she always davened from a place of hopelessness and misery (because she didn't know better until she read "Garden of Emuna"). We didn't know better, we didn't know better…ignorance is definitely not bliss when it comes to emuna. I also learned the hard way that our davening must come from a place of gratitude, no matter how agonizing, or the davening just doesn't work. I agree that "Garden of Healing" is a great book and everyone should read it. In that book, Rav Arush discusses things that no one else discusses, problems that people really need addressed and can't find guidance anywhere else. A bit tagential, but on a parallel track: Personally, I was able to get rid of all my different chinuch books after reading "Garden of Education." I no longer read anything on chinuch or attend any classes because I realized that it's all very well-meaning half-truths given over by very well-intentioned people who ultimately cannot help parents as much as they'd like. It's very liberating and so much more effective than anything else I've ever done! I probably sound nuts, but I saw two of my children change so drastically, one in a way that everyone says is impossible without professional intervention — just from following what "Garden of Education" says. And it didn't take years or even months, but weeks. Okay, there are some things I am still davening/waiting for, but Hashem, for His own reasons, doesn't let you have it all in one bite. Still, I'm grateful and amazed for what I have received.

D

You make a great point, D. This example is straight out of Rav Arush's lecture, and it's a perfect example of what irrational and miraculous results can come from thanking Hashem. In a typical situation, the abuser isn't so keen on letting his victim go- you are right. But, Hashem can program a person's mind any way He wishes. So, once this woman started thanking Hashem, He made the husband act contrary to typical behavior. Another example would be when a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness and is given no hope for recovery. Rav Arush has seen many cases like this turn around as well once the people started thanking Hashem. Read The Garden of Healing. I hope your friend and all others in her marital situation receive the salvations they need, and quickly!

You make a great point, D. This example is straight out of Rav Arush's lecture, and it's a perfect example of what irrational and miraculous results can come from thanking Hashem. In a typical situation, the abuser isn't so keen on letting his victim go- you are right. But, Hashem can program a person's mind any way He wishes. So, once this woman started thanking Hashem, He made the husband act contrary to typical behavior. Another example would be when a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness and is given no hope for recovery. Rav Arush has seen many cases like this turn around as well once the people started thanking Hashem. Read The Garden of Healing. I hope your friend and all others in her marital situation receive the salvations they need, and quickly!

It’s a hard bullet to swallow, but these words are so true.

Racheli, I know you might get hit with some hostile comments about the example you used. A lot of people don't realize that truly abusive people are almost impossible to divorce completely, especially when children are involved, and that in some cases, divorce can actually make the abuse worse — courts, restraining orders, police, shelters, and the like are not always as effective as we like to think. The kind of man you described rarely decides to divorce his wife and when such a man does, he often drags out the divorce for years, then continues the abuse by making problems with child custody, harrassment, payments, abusing the children when in his custody, etc. The fact that this demon decided to let his wife go — and to let her go completely and fully — is in itself a very unusual. A friend of mine married a man who seemed like this innocent happy-go-lucky type, but is emotionally and verbally extremely abusive and manipulative, who constantly sabotaged everything she did (whether it was making her late for work or sleep deprivation when she already had a newborn or cooking for yom tov, etc.) decided to thank Hashem after reading a Rav Arush book. It was so hard for her, she said she was crying and gagging as she did it. But her husband suddenly got a little bit less horrible and she later received visions of past lives which clarified to her why she needed a terrible marriage for her tikkun. (The visions also freed her from her compulsion to follow the inappropriate, superficial advice so often given to women in these situations. She realized that she has her tikkun to do, and it has nothing to do with blindly following her husband's will at one extreme or "being more assertive" at the other.) She admitted that she does not manage to do hitbodedut every day, but she does try to thank Him every day, and she certainly does hitbodedut quite a lot, from what she says. She's been honest about still having bad moments in which she just wants to give up. But she says that when he starts acting up, she at least forces herself to say, "This is also from Hashem," even if she can't get herself to do anything else or even daven one word, and she feels like that alone helps things. At this point, I will not say that her marriage is good, but it is bearable. I hope it gets better for her and that this tikkun is completed soon. Those of us with relatively decent spouses can still find ourselves so frustrated with them at times, we really have no idea the depths of how much people with truly difficult spouses are suffering.

Racheli, I know you might get hit with some hostile comments about the example you used. A lot of people don't realize that truly abusive people are almost impossible to divorce completely, especially when children are involved, and that in some cases, divorce can actually make the abuse worse — courts, restraining orders, police, shelters, and the like are not always as effective as we like to think. The kind of man you described rarely decides to divorce his wife and when such a man does, he often drags out the divorce for years, then continues the abuse by making problems with child custody, harrassment, payments, abusing the children when in his custody, etc. The fact that this demon decided to let his wife go — and to let her go completely and fully — is in itself a very unusual. A friend of mine married a man who seemed like this innocent happy-go-lucky type, but is emotionally and verbally extremely abusive and manipulative, who constantly sabotaged everything she did (whether it was making her late for work or sleep deprivation when she already had a newborn or cooking for yom tov, etc.) decided to thank Hashem after reading a Rav Arush book. It was so hard for her, she said she was crying and gagging as she did it. But her husband suddenly got a little bit less horrible and she later received visions of past lives which clarified to her why she needed a terrible marriage for her tikkun. (The visions also freed her from her compulsion to follow the inappropriate, superficial advice so often given to women in these situations. She realized that she has her tikkun to do, and it has nothing to do with blindly following her husband's will at one extreme or "being more assertive" at the other.) She admitted that she does not manage to do hitbodedut every day, but she does try to thank Him every day, and she certainly does hitbodedut quite a lot, from what she says. She's been honest about still having bad moments in which she just wants to give up. But she says that when he starts acting up, she at least forces herself to say, "This is also from Hashem," even if she can't get herself to do anything else or even daven one word, and she feels like that alone helps things. At this point, I will not say that her marriage is good, but it is bearable. I hope it gets better for her and that this tikkun is completed soon. Those of us with relatively decent spouses can still find ourselves so frustrated with them at times, we really have no idea the depths of how much people with truly difficult spouses are suffering.