we don’t know We don't know anyone else's inner frustrations, hurts, pains, let downs, or why deep down people engage in compulsive behaviors (like lying) or want so much to be accepted – so it's unfair to judge anyone. That's Hashem's department, because Hashem is more compassionate than we are and if there's one thing I believe the world needs most right now it's compassion and positive coaching (telling one another the good we find in them). Also I read The Rebbe of Lubavitch said we shouldn't really focus on the term heretic because while people may have misplaced ideas and beliefs, we can't see the goodness in someone else's heart. Dr. Avrohom Twerski also speaks about low self-esteem and how it withers one's ability to interact with the world in healthy manner. The Chofetz Chaim writes about judging favorably in a more religious context in the book Ahavat Yisroel chapter 5, like within a religious community. And Rabbi Arush says we shouldn't think we're better than anyone on earth. But also, the picture of the man with the cigarette, I mean maybe his mom died when he as young and he has no money and is addicted to cigarettes, etc. I mean, he is a human being after all and not a low life. He's Hashem's creation too.

We don't know anyone else's inner frustrations, hurts, pains, let downs, or why deep down people engage in compulsive behaviors (like lying) or want so much to be accepted – so it's unfair to judge anyone. That's Hashem's department, because Hashem is more compassionate than we are and if there's one thing I believe the world needs most right now it's compassion and positive coaching (telling one another the good we find in them). Also I read The Rebbe of Lubavitch said we shouldn't really focus on the term heretic because while people may have misplaced ideas and beliefs, we can't see the goodness in someone else's heart. Dr. Avrohom Twerski also speaks about low self-esteem and how it withers one's ability to interact with the world in healthy manner. The Chofetz Chaim writes about judging favorably in a more religious context in the book Ahavat Yisroel chapter 5, like within a religious community. And Rabbi Arush says we shouldn't think we're better than anyone on earth. But also, the picture of the man with the cigarette, I mean maybe his mom died when he as young and he has no money and is addicted to cigarettes, etc. I mean, he is a human being after all and not a low life. He's Hashem's creation too.

Exactly what I needed to hear I've been struggling with this very issue. I'VE been feeling like a hypocrite because I'll have a great hitbodedut with Hashem, gain helpful insights, etc., and then run into a wall, so to speak. (Although over all, I am a lot calmer with regular hitbodedut and things are going better than they ever have before, despite the challenges.) But you are right that real hypocrites rarely feel that they are hypocritical, they usually feel quite righteous. I think what helped me most is what you wrote at the end, that people who actually have struggled to increase their emunah and refine their character tend to be encouraging, and not look for the slightest opening to rip into you. Or oh-so piously put you in your place — for your own good, of course. That's the essential difference. I was taking these people a bit too seriously because while I recognize how far I've come, I also recognize how far I am from true spirituality and emuna. So I saw the truth in their condemnations of me. I was in conflict and just couldn't figure it out and suddenly, I read your article and here's the missing link! It's a crucial point. Thank you VERY much. You don't know how this point has helped me.

I've been struggling with this very issue. I'VE been feeling like a hypocrite because I'll have a great hitbodedut with Hashem, gain helpful insights, etc., and then run into a wall, so to speak. (Although over all, I am a lot calmer with regular hitbodedut and things are going better than they ever have before, despite the challenges.) But you are right that real hypocrites rarely feel that they are hypocritical, they usually feel quite righteous. I think what helped me most is what you wrote at the end, that people who actually have struggled to increase their emunah and refine their character tend to be encouraging, and not look for the slightest opening to rip into you. Or oh-so piously put you in your place — for your own good, of course. That's the essential difference. I was taking these people a bit too seriously because while I recognize how far I've come, I also recognize how far I am from true spirituality and emuna. So I saw the truth in their condemnations of me. I was in conflict and just couldn't figure it out and suddenly, I read your article and here's the missing link! It's a crucial point. Thank you VERY much. You don't know how this point has helped me.

Thank you – I can relate. Thanks for your candid article about struggling in prayer to overcome a certain middah. It's validating for me; I too struggle to overcome things, and think that I've been praying for 2 years already…and things should be better. Well actually they are better, and improved, Baruch Hashem, … but as you say, they are not "gone". And yes, I've also experienced after a long prayer sess., when I think I've "got it", that that "smack" comes right back hours later (though also handled better). Tx

Thanks for your candid article about struggling in prayer to overcome a certain middah. It's validating for me; I too struggle to overcome things, and think that I've been praying for 2 years already…and things should be better. Well actually they are better, and improved, Baruch Hashem, … but as you say, they are not "gone". And yes, I've also experienced after a long prayer sess., when I think I've "got it", that that "smack" comes right back hours later (though also handled better). Tx