Emuna Rehab

I was a young and super-charged Tax Lawyer and C.P.A., starting my own C.P.A. firm when I was still in law school at the age of 23. This was the youngest C.P.A. firm in my state. No one else in my law school had ever done anything like this. So, my ego soared. I was arrogant to a fault. I mean who had accomplished more than me at such a young age?
 
In the ensuing years, I began to use what I thought was my high level of education and intelligence to involve myself in business transactions that walked the grey line. Eventually I crossed that line and engaged in transactions that clearly violated I.R.S. laws, including money laundering and outright criminality. This went on for many years. I rolled in money, enjoying the wealth that resulted from my manipulations and transgressions. I never thought about Emuna; in fact, I had never even heard about it. I rarely went to synagogue – only on the high holidays and not even every year. I thought I was too smart to ever have any problems with the government.
 
Then, one day it all came crashing down. I was arrested for engaging in criminal activity with a well known drug dealer who set me up. Fortunately, for me, the case was dropped, but not before I spent a week locked up in a Federal Detention facility. I was terribly frightened during the week I spent incarcerated, waiting for my bail to be posted. I met some very dangerous people who kept me in a constant state of anxiety. I had no idea what my future would hold and I regretted my actions that led me there. I had to worry for a number of years until the case was dropped. You would think that would have taught me a lesson, but it did not.
 
A number of years later, I was charged by the Federal government with violation of the wire fraud laws. I was sentenced to over 5 years imprisonment. This was a tragedy for my wife and children. We had to sell our home. My business offices were closed, resulting in the loss of valuable personal property. I was literally ripped away from my family and the life I knew for decades.
 
Again, I was in a state of terrible fear the night I was first incarcerated. Having the cell door locked, with no way to get out until I was let out for breakfast, was totally incapacitating. The ensuing weeks were filled with a constant state of fear and uncertainty. I met all types of serious offenders who were frightening just to look at.
 
During my incarceration I was transferred all over the country residing at 6 different Federal Institutions.
 
To anyone who has not gone through this experience it would seem to be a terrible, frightening, time. But, in actuality, this time in my life eventually proved to be a time of great spiritual growth. At each institution I was transferred to there was a core group of Jewish inmates who maintained many of the Jewish religious observances. I actively participated in these observances, but more so to maintain my Jewish identity and connection to the camaraderie of the other Jewish inmates than to be an observant participant.
 
While incarcerated I met many non-Jewish people who were from incredibly divergent backgrounds, people I would never have met on the outside. This was a truly enlightening experience for me as I learned so much about the backgrounds and lives these people led and experienced. It awakened in my a great sense of understanding and compassion as many of the stories I heard were very sad and troubling. With my extensive legal background, I reached out to many inmates to provide them with legal counseling and just plain old moral support and understanding.
 
During my incarceration, I learned to look deep inside myself and discovered a new sense of wanting to learn more about Judaism. My reaching out to help others was greatly satisfying and enabled me to pass each day with more balance of mind than I would ever have though possible before going to prison. I said the Shema twice daily, prayed to G-d not yet knowing that Hashem was my real G-d.
 
The spiritual strength gained from my incarceration showed me that with Hashem’s help and guidance that I could overcome any obstacle that presented itself to me. This is only the beginning of my journey in Judaism, but I’ve learned through emuna that Hashem does everything for the best. Even when He threw me in prison, it was only to bring me closer to Him. In that way, even my time behind bars turned out for the very best. I’m not wealthy anymore, but I’m infinitely more fulfilled and happy. Emuna has turned out to be the best rehabilitation a person could have.