Jacob

Jacob was a very sad child. He constantly compared himself to other kids and considered himself to be inadequate in some way.  In his own mind, Jacob wasn't smart enough, or popular enough, or athletic enough, or happy enough to deserve to be liked by himself or by others. All of Jacob's possessions –  whatever belonged to him –  felt defective and worthless. Anything that Jacob associated with himself – such as his family and home – were somehow tainted and cursed.
 
Jacob's father owned a gun which he kept in his bedroom closet. The children knew about their father's gun and had played with it more than once. When Jacob was in 4th grade, his little sister, Faith, shot and killed her girlfriend while playing with her father's gun. Jacob couldn't face the shame. He just wanted to die – but he didn't yet consciously know this.
 
One day when nobody was home, Jacob "played" at hanging himself out of his third story window. Suddenly, he heard a voice yelling up to him from the street: "Jacob Friedman! What do you think you're doing!? Get yourself back in the house this second!" Jacob was frightened and ashamed but also felt cared for and relieved. He listened to Mrs. Lyons, the good neighbor, and pulled himself back into his room.
 
Jacob's 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Mermer hated children.  She claimed that Jacob wrote something derogatory about her on the wall in back of the class. Jacob didn't do it and told his teacher that he was innocent – but she accused him anyway – and shamed him in front of the class.
 
That night, alone in his room, Jacob unconsciously scribbled something on the margin of his homework assignment and "forgot" to erase it. The next day he handed in his assignment.
 
Before handing back the homework, Mrs. Mermer read Jacob's comments out loud to the class: "I hate Mrs. Mermer, and I hate my whole life. I have nothing to live for. I wish I were dead."
 
Jacob listened in stunned silence, as he heard his deepest, most painful feelings being broadcast like an announcement to line up for lunch.  He barely remembered writing those words – he felt the eyes of his classmates on him – the class broke into laughter. Jacob just wanted to die.
 
Jacob's parents were hollow people. His father was violent. His mother was suicidal. When the principle, Mrs. Smiley, told Jacob's parents that he needed psychotherapy, they only knew how to yell him and blame him for his problems.
 
Dr. Oliver, the child psychiatrist, seemed like a very nice person. He let Jacob tie him up with rope and pretended that he couldn't escape. He had lots of toys, and let Jacob play with whatever he wanted. Jacob looked forward to going to his friendly doctor who smoked a big cigar. He also was glad to be taken out of Mrs. Mermer's class at least once a week. Eventually Mrs. Mermer was fired from her position but not before she shamed Jacob many more times: "Why should you get special privileges? Where do you go every week during school time anyway? Why don't you tell us?" Once again, they all laughed at Jacob.
 
Jacob developed warm feelings toward Dr. Oliver and wanted to be like him. Jacob told his doctor that his father also smoked cigars. When Dr. Oliver found out from Jacob's mother that this wasn't true, he thought that it would be therapeutic to yell at Jacob for lying. From then on, Jacob didn't feel safe with Dr. Oliver either.
 
Jacob suffered with depression for the next 20 years. He saw no less than ten therapists during this time. During his sophomore year at college, Jacob became seriously suicidal and had a viable plan to end his life. Jacob went to the student infirmary and met with a friendly guidance counselor named Mrs. Resnik – she was  very sensitive and intuitive. Mrs. Resnik could see how broken Jacob was and was careful not to ask too many questions. Instead, she told Jacob lots of stories that made him feel proud to be a Jew. In a short time, Jacob had the strength to try again. Mrs. Resnik connected Jacob to a Jewish family who lived close to the campus and Jacob began spending Shabbos with his new "adopted" family. Jacob began to feel hopeful for the first time in his life. He intuitively sensed that he could trust these people. He modeled himself after the father of his new family and had a reason to keep living.
 
Jacob switched his major to Judaic Studies and graduated from college. By then he was fully observant. Jacob married Rachel and eventually became an ordained Rabbi. Today Jacob and Rachel live happily in Israel with their seven children. Jacob is grateful for everything that he went through in order have the life he has today.
 
What broke Jacob's life-long depression was becoming connected to caring happy people who served G-d with simplicity and truth. What elevated Jacob to what he is today, is what he found in the richness of his Jewish heritage. Today Jacob's self-esteem comes from knowing that he is living correctly and fulfilling the purpose for which he was created.
 
Years later, Jacob heard about Mrs. Mermer and Dr. Oliver: After falling into a psychotic depression,  Mrs. Mermer ultimately climbed to the roof of her apartment building and jumped to her death; Dr. Oliver was brought up on charges of child molestation and convicted of many crimes against children.
 
The names and personal details of people in this story were altered in order to protect the privacy of those involved.