hurt feelings? the underlying feeling here is that the author is going through her own family difficulties and this is something that is truly painful for her. We can't force others to have emuna, but we can try to use our own for the good of others and to help ourselves. Trying to see these negative family members as sticks in Hashem's hands would surely help to avoid name-calling and unnecessary distress…
2. Anonymous
8/23/2012
the underlying feeling here is that the author is going through her own family difficulties and this is something that is truly painful for her. We can't force others to have emuna, but we can try to use our own for the good of others and to help ourselves. Trying to see these negative family members as sticks in Hashem's hands would surely help to avoid name-calling and unnecessary distress…
3. anon
8/14/2012
Many problems with this article I am very concerned about this article misrepresenting several serious issues: For example: to characterize family members who are anti-religious as: "Those people are Esav. Those people are evil. Those people are out to kill you" ?? This is terrible. Yes, there are family members who can make life difficult…but that doesn't make them Esav or evil! (and those who are truly toxic should be avoided..not branded as "evil".) Also: "Things like bipolar condition and depression are purely and simply a lack of emuna:". While it is true that emuna is a great healing force…it is oversimplified to dismiss these things as "simply a lack of emuna". While the author makes many good points about the dangers of "toxic people" her final characterization would be better directed at our enemies who blame us for existing. And shouldn't we be extremely careful regarding lashon hara in labeling someone as toxic? Her astute portrayal of Esav would be better directed at western "civilization" and values of assimilation. I am concerned that this article would do more harm than good by wrongly encouraging people to mislable difficult people or relationships as "toxic". Just because parents(or other famil members), for example, do not want to be more religious doesn't make them toxic! Our job is to show them as much love and kindness as possible. The best remedy is for them to see our kind behaviors and lives. Our job is, G-d willing, to bring them closer by example, not by branding them with terrible labels like 'toxic' or 'evil'. If we do that, we alienate them and ourselves from the Torah, G-d forbid. Our tradition in Pirke Avot says: "Be of the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving people, and bringing them closer to the Torah" (Pirkei Avot 1:12).
4. anon
8/14/2012
I am very concerned about this article misrepresenting several serious issues: For example: to characterize family members who are anti-religious as: "Those people are Esav. Those people are evil. Those people are out to kill you" ?? This is terrible. Yes, there are family members who can make life difficult…but that doesn't make them Esav or evil! (and those who are truly toxic should be avoided..not branded as "evil".) Also: "Things like bipolar condition and depression are purely and simply a lack of emuna:". While it is true that emuna is a great healing force…it is oversimplified to dismiss these things as "simply a lack of emuna". While the author makes many good points about the dangers of "toxic people" her final characterization would be better directed at our enemies who blame us for existing. And shouldn't we be extremely careful regarding lashon hara in labeling someone as toxic? Her astute portrayal of Esav would be better directed at western "civilization" and values of assimilation. I am concerned that this article would do more harm than good by wrongly encouraging people to mislable difficult people or relationships as "toxic". Just because parents(or other famil members), for example, do not want to be more religious doesn't make them toxic! Our job is to show them as much love and kindness as possible. The best remedy is for them to see our kind behaviors and lives. Our job is, G-d willing, to bring them closer by example, not by branding them with terrible labels like 'toxic' or 'evil'. If we do that, we alienate them and ourselves from the Torah, G-d forbid. Our tradition in Pirke Avot says: "Be of the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving people, and bringing them closer to the Torah" (Pirkei Avot 1:12).
5. Dassie
8/13/2012
I have close family members with NPD. And I once worked for someone with Masochistic Personality Disorder, which sounds pretty benign (heck, a masochist only hurts himself, right?), but Masochistic PDs are like suicide bombers: They destroy themselves and take down as many others as they can at the same time. The one thing all PDs have in common is their inability to recognize good (hakarat hatov) in their lives. They discount and nullify any favors ever done for them, no matter how great. And they insist on seeing themselves as the victim regardless of the havoc they wreak. No giving the benefit of the doubt. And everything else mentioned in the article. Dealing with them is like being slowly poisoned. The Nazis did the same. Jews were contributing greatly to European society on every level yet the Nazis insisted that the Jews were parasites. Nazi society committed genocide, yet insisted that THEY were the victims! This is eventually where a personality disorder leads…. The paragraph starting with "Look how holy Esav…" particularly resonated with me. That is exactly what people with personality disorders do! That is why it is so hard to fight them. They are the antithesis of emunah. Only your own emunah can keep you standing in the face of their onslaught. But I don't have enough emunah at this point to do it. I can feel myself breaking down. I have very little koach to deal with all the lies and manipulations and attacks and slander anymore. And you can't always get away from them. Thank you for addressing this issue.
6. Dassie
8/13/2012
And I once worked for someone with Masochistic Personality Disorder, which sounds pretty benign (heck, a masochist only hurts himself, right?), but Masochistic PDs are like suicide bombers: They destroy themselves and take down as many others as they can at the same time. The one thing all PDs have in common is their inability to recognize good (hakarat hatov) in their lives. They discount and nullify any favors ever done for them, no matter how great. And they insist on seeing themselves as the victim regardless of the havoc they wreak. No giving the benefit of the doubt. And everything else mentioned in the article. Dealing with them is like being slowly poisoned. The Nazis did the same. Jews were contributing greatly to European society on every level yet the Nazis insisted that the Jews were parasites. Nazi society committed genocide, yet insisted that THEY were the victims! This is eventually where a personality disorder leads…. The paragraph starting with "Look how holy Esav…" particularly resonated with me. That is exactly what people with personality disorders do! That is why it is so hard to fight them. They are the antithesis of emunah. Only your own emunah can keep you standing in the face of their onslaught. But I don't have enough emunah at this point to do it. I can feel myself breaking down. I have very little koach to deal with all the lies and manipulations and attacks and slander anymore. And you can't always get away from them. Thank you for addressing this issue.
8/23/2012
hurt feelings? the underlying feeling here is that the author is going through her own family difficulties and this is something that is truly painful for her. We can't force others to have emuna, but we can try to use our own for the good of others and to help ourselves. Trying to see these negative family members as sticks in Hashem's hands would surely help to avoid name-calling and unnecessary distress…
8/23/2012
the underlying feeling here is that the author is going through her own family difficulties and this is something that is truly painful for her. We can't force others to have emuna, but we can try to use our own for the good of others and to help ourselves. Trying to see these negative family members as sticks in Hashem's hands would surely help to avoid name-calling and unnecessary distress…
8/14/2012
Many problems with this article I am very concerned about this article misrepresenting several serious issues: For example: to characterize family members who are anti-religious as: "Those people are Esav. Those people are evil. Those people are out to kill you" ?? This is terrible. Yes, there are family members who can make life difficult…but that doesn't make them Esav or evil! (and those who are truly toxic should be avoided..not branded as "evil".) Also: "Things like bipolar condition and depression are purely and simply a lack of emuna:". While it is true that emuna is a great healing force…it is oversimplified to dismiss these things as "simply a lack of emuna". While the author makes many good points about the dangers of "toxic people" her final characterization would be better directed at our enemies who blame us for existing. And shouldn't we be extremely careful regarding lashon hara in labeling someone as toxic? Her astute portrayal of Esav would be better directed at western "civilization" and values of assimilation. I am concerned that this article would do more harm than good by wrongly encouraging people to mislable difficult people or relationships as "toxic". Just because parents(or other famil members), for example, do not want to be more religious doesn't make them toxic! Our job is to show them as much love and kindness as possible. The best remedy is for them to see our kind behaviors and lives. Our job is, G-d willing, to bring them closer by example, not by branding them with terrible labels like 'toxic' or 'evil'. If we do that, we alienate them and ourselves from the Torah, G-d forbid. Our tradition in Pirke Avot says: "Be of the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving people, and bringing them closer to the Torah" (Pirkei Avot 1:12).
8/14/2012
I am very concerned about this article misrepresenting several serious issues: For example: to characterize family members who are anti-religious as: "Those people are Esav. Those people are evil. Those people are out to kill you" ?? This is terrible. Yes, there are family members who can make life difficult…but that doesn't make them Esav or evil! (and those who are truly toxic should be avoided..not branded as "evil".) Also: "Things like bipolar condition and depression are purely and simply a lack of emuna:". While it is true that emuna is a great healing force…it is oversimplified to dismiss these things as "simply a lack of emuna". While the author makes many good points about the dangers of "toxic people" her final characterization would be better directed at our enemies who blame us for existing. And shouldn't we be extremely careful regarding lashon hara in labeling someone as toxic? Her astute portrayal of Esav would be better directed at western "civilization" and values of assimilation. I am concerned that this article would do more harm than good by wrongly encouraging people to mislable difficult people or relationships as "toxic". Just because parents(or other famil members), for example, do not want to be more religious doesn't make them toxic! Our job is to show them as much love and kindness as possible. The best remedy is for them to see our kind behaviors and lives. Our job is, G-d willing, to bring them closer by example, not by branding them with terrible labels like 'toxic' or 'evil'. If we do that, we alienate them and ourselves from the Torah, G-d forbid. Our tradition in Pirke Avot says: "Be of the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving people, and bringing them closer to the Torah" (Pirkei Avot 1:12).
8/13/2012
I have close family members with NPD. And I once worked for someone with Masochistic Personality Disorder, which sounds pretty benign (heck, a masochist only hurts himself, right?), but Masochistic PDs are like suicide bombers: They destroy themselves and take down as many others as they can at the same time. The one thing all PDs have in common is their inability to recognize good (hakarat hatov) in their lives. They discount and nullify any favors ever done for them, no matter how great. And they insist on seeing themselves as the victim regardless of the havoc they wreak. No giving the benefit of the doubt. And everything else mentioned in the article. Dealing with them is like being slowly poisoned. The Nazis did the same. Jews were contributing greatly to European society on every level yet the Nazis insisted that the Jews were parasites. Nazi society committed genocide, yet insisted that THEY were the victims! This is eventually where a personality disorder leads…. The paragraph starting with "Look how holy Esav…" particularly resonated with me. That is exactly what people with personality disorders do! That is why it is so hard to fight them. They are the antithesis of emunah. Only your own emunah can keep you standing in the face of their onslaught. But I don't have enough emunah at this point to do it. I can feel myself breaking down. I have very little koach to deal with all the lies and manipulations and attacks and slander anymore. And you can't always get away from them. Thank you for addressing this issue.
8/13/2012
And I once worked for someone with Masochistic Personality Disorder, which sounds pretty benign (heck, a masochist only hurts himself, right?), but Masochistic PDs are like suicide bombers: They destroy themselves and take down as many others as they can at the same time. The one thing all PDs have in common is their inability to recognize good (hakarat hatov) in their lives. They discount and nullify any favors ever done for them, no matter how great. And they insist on seeing themselves as the victim regardless of the havoc they wreak. No giving the benefit of the doubt. And everything else mentioned in the article. Dealing with them is like being slowly poisoned. The Nazis did the same. Jews were contributing greatly to European society on every level yet the Nazis insisted that the Jews were parasites. Nazi society committed genocide, yet insisted that THEY were the victims! This is eventually where a personality disorder leads…. The paragraph starting with "Look how holy Esav…" particularly resonated with me. That is exactly what people with personality disorders do! That is why it is so hard to fight them. They are the antithesis of emunah. Only your own emunah can keep you standing in the face of their onslaught. But I don't have enough emunah at this point to do it. I can feel myself breaking down. I have very little koach to deal with all the lies and manipulations and attacks and slander anymore. And you can't always get away from them. Thank you for addressing this issue.