This is an interesting article, but I am wondering how this method lines up with the Ketuvim…. "The rod and reproof bring wisdom; but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame". Prov.29:15

Wisdom of Shlomo This is an interesting article, but I am wondering how this method lines up with the Ketuvim…. "The rod and reproof bring wisdom; but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame". Prov.29:15

thank you for your comments I would like to clarify several things: -setting rules and guidelines are not the type of discipline I was referring to. It is okay to say no and teach children what is acceptable and what is not. Guideleines such as kashrut and discipline for hitting do not belong in the same category. -I have had many discussions with Dr.Ballen regarding these issues, and I presented the information exactly as he told me. -This article is supposed to be a short synopsis on how to deal with general situations. What you are asking me is why didn't I address every topic the book speaks about. My intention was only to show that there is another approach to parenting than the classic methods we use. It is meant to get parents to start questioning their parenting styles if the are finding them unsuccessful. I absolutely recommend that everyone read the chinuch book for a more comprehensive understanding. Thank you again for your comments.

I would like to clarify several things: -setting rules and guidelines are not the type of discipline I was referring to. It is okay to say no and teach children what is acceptable and what is not. Guideleines such as kashrut and discipline for hitting do not belong in the same category. -I have had many discussions with Dr.Ballen regarding these issues, and I presented the information exactly as he told me. -This article is supposed to be a short synopsis on how to deal with general situations. What you are asking me is why didn't I address every topic the book speaks about. My intention was only to show that there is another approach to parenting than the classic methods we use. It is meant to get parents to start questioning their parenting styles if the are finding them unsuccessful. I absolutely recommend that everyone read the chinuch book for a more comprehensive understanding. Thank you again for your comments.

I feel for you I too am b”h blessed with a home full of boys (and a girl too!) I used to feel exactly the way you describe in the article. My kids did not listen to most things I said and usually didn’t do what I asked of them and I was miserable. I spent many hours doing hitbodidut and begging Hashem to help me discipline my kids. From reading Rav Arushs books I knew I needed to do teshuvah and to thank Hashem for this exact situation. I then read Rav Arushs weekly parsha sheet earlier this year where Rav Arush gives the idea of doing 5 minutes of hitbodedut for each child every day which I then immediately implemented. The ideas and knowledge that Hashem sent me during that time period changed my family’s life b”h for the better. I was therefore very surprised and disturbed by many of the things you wrote. Firstly you write that there is no need to discipline your kids and that prayer alone is sufficient. Do you discipline your children regarding the laws of kashrut? If your 10 year old decides he would like to eat dairy ice cream after a meat meal would you smile and let him just go ahead and eat it and just pray that he eventually stop or would you stop him in a calm and firm “there is nothing to talk about” manner? Why is the mitzvah of kibud av vaim any different? We need to teach our children to listen to us and to respect us always because this is what Hashem wants- period. The same firm calm, loving and no-nonsense manner you use with issues that are obviously nonnegotiable to your kids such as kashrut use regarding the mitzvah of kibud av vaim. From my understanding of Reb Nachman and Rav Arushs teachings I don’t see this hishtadlut ( of calmly insisting that our children do as we say obviously wisely picking our “fights” to what is really important) to be contradictory to prayer at all. If prayer alone is sufficient then why separate your fighting boys at all why not just pray that they separate themselves? Maybe the promise you received from Rav Arush is applicable to you personally (if the choice is beating and hitting or smiling and praying obviously Rav Arush would recommend the latter) but from reading Rav Arushs book on chinuch this is obviously NOT the path he suggests. In the book Rav Arush even talks about giving our children punishments (page 278 in the Hebrew book) when necessary and he stresses that the punishment is not a means of getting back at our children but rather as a tikun and chinuch for the wrong behavior they displayed (page 275 in the Hebrew book). I don’t think it is responsible to take personal advice that you received and to write it in this kind of public forum as if it is advice for everyone because it most certainly isn’t. You recommend that everyone read Rav Arushs book on chinuch and in that book Rav Arush writes the exact opposite to what you were told. I pray that the English copy of Rav Arushs book come out very soon…

I too am b”h blessed with a home full of boys (and a girl too!) I used to feel exactly the way you describe in the article. My kids did not listen to most things I said and usually didn’t do what I asked of them and I was miserable. I spent many hours doing hitbodidut and begging Hashem to help me discipline my kids. From reading Rav Arushs books I knew I needed to do teshuvah and to thank Hashem for this exact situation. I then read Rav Arushs weekly parsha sheet earlier this year where Rav Arush gives the idea of doing 5 minutes of hitbodedut for each child every day which I then immediately implemented. The ideas and knowledge that Hashem sent me during that time period changed my family’s life b”h for the better. I was therefore very surprised and disturbed by many of the things you wrote. Firstly you write that there is no need to discipline your kids and that prayer alone is sufficient. Do you discipline your children regarding the laws of kashrut? If your 10 year old decides he would like to eat dairy ice cream after a meat meal would you smile and let him just go ahead and eat it and just pray that he eventually stop or would you stop him in a calm and firm “there is nothing to talk about” manner? Why is the mitzvah of kibud av vaim any different? We need to teach our children to listen to us and to respect us always because this is what Hashem wants- period. The same firm calm, loving and no-nonsense manner you use with issues that are obviously nonnegotiable to your kids such as kashrut use regarding the mitzvah of kibud av vaim. From my understanding of Reb Nachman and Rav Arushs teachings I don’t see this hishtadlut ( of calmly insisting that our children do as we say obviously wisely picking our “fights” to what is really important) to be contradictory to prayer at all. If prayer alone is sufficient then why separate your fighting boys at all why not just pray that they separate themselves? Maybe the promise you received from Rav Arush is applicable to you personally (if the choice is beating and hitting or smiling and praying obviously Rav Arush would recommend the latter) but from reading Rav Arushs book on chinuch this is obviously NOT the path he suggests. In the book Rav Arush even talks about giving our children punishments (page 278 in the Hebrew book) when necessary and he stresses that the punishment is not a means of getting back at our children but rather as a tikun and chinuch for the wrong behavior they displayed (page 275 in the Hebrew book). I don’t think it is responsible to take personal advice that you received and to write it in this kind of public forum as if it is advice for everyone because it most certainly isn’t. You recommend that everyone read Rav Arushs book on chinuch and in that book Rav Arush writes the exact opposite to what you were told. I pray that the English copy of Rav Arushs book come out very soon…

a very brave article kudos, racheli, for this article. i've read rav arush's book on parenting, and i had to do a lot of teshuva on how i was treating my kids after it. may Hashem bless you with the koach and emuna to continue following this path, and infinite nachas from your kids. people only knock this approach because they don't understand that jewish education is about nurturing a soul, and not just about training a kid to 'play the part' externally, regardless of the damage it's doing on the inside.

kudos, racheli, for this article. i've read rav arush's book on parenting, and i had to do a lot of teshuva on how i was treating my kids after it. may Hashem bless you with the koach and emuna to continue following this path, and infinite nachas from your kids. people only knock this approach because they don't understand that jewish education is about nurturing a soul, and not just about training a kid to 'play the part' externally, regardless of the damage it's doing on the inside.

Do you have any idea what a diamond has to go through to become sparkling and brilliant? It certainly doesn't get that way by itself.

No words for this Do you have any idea what a diamond has to go through to become sparkling and brilliant? It certainly doesn't get that way by itself.