The Mini-Temple

Translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody

 
The only way to rebuild our national Holy Temple is if each one of first builds his own private Holy Temple. Shalom Bayit, marital peace, makes a person’s home a “mini-Temple” – a worthy receptacle for the Divine Presence. Since the world works in concentric circles, when each of us has shalom bayit, then we influence our community. Our community influences our city, and our city influences our nation; then, our nation influences the world. So, a person literally makes the world a better place by improving his shalom bayit.
 
Many young men have the misconception that if they learn Torah all day long, then their wives must fall at their feet. Other young men think that if they engage in charitable deeds, then their wives must treat them with homage and utmost respect. So what if you learn Torah? Maybe you learn Torah because you’re looking for prestige or to avoid the draft, or for some other ulterior motive. Maybe you do charitable deeds because you enjoy the publicity and hearing people call you a tzaddik. That’s not exactly the best testimony of character. The only true testimony of a man’s character is his shalom bayit. How so?
 
In order to maintain shalom bayit, a husband must be able to accept and calmly roll with the punch of periodic verbal jabs from his wife. One cannot maintain personal composure in the face of humiliation and insult if he isn’t truly humble, and one cannot attain true humility unless he has genuine emuna. Therefore, shalom bayit is a testimony to a husband’s humility. The length of one’s beard, coat, or sidecurls says nothing about one’s emuna. But if someone has shalom bayit, then you know that he’s humble and that he has genuine emuna.
 
Any mistreatment of a wife in the slightest is an indication of the husband’s arrogance. And – if she’s not beautiful in his eyes – it’s because he hasn’t been guarding his own eyes and he’s been comparing her to other women whom he shouldn’t have been looking at. What’s more, if a husband sees deficiencies in a wife, it’s because she’s merely mirroring his own deficiencies.

You can’t attain shalom bayit with quick tricks – it’s hard work. What’s more, one’s entire service of Hashem affects shalom bayit. For example, if a person doesn’t take prayer seriously, he won’t have a strong connection with Hashem. And, if his connection with Hashem is weak, his connection with his wife will surely be weak. Therefore, shalom bayit is also a barometer of a person’s prayer quality.
 
The same goes with Torah. A true Torah scholar is humble. If a person is considered a shpitz, a Torah wizard, but he doesn’t have shalom bayit, then you know that he hasn’t properly internalized the Torah that he has learned because he still suffers from arrogance. In that way, one’s shalom bayit is testimony of one’s true Torah learning.
 
The lack of shalom bayit in so many so-called religious households shows that so many people might dress the part, but they lack genuine emuna. The deficiencies of shalom bayit testify to deficiencies in prayer, Torah learning, and character development. So, if you want to know who a person really is, look at his shalom bayit.
 
A man’s main test on this earth is whether or not he’ll guard his eyes and maintain personal holiness. That’s the reason we were sent down here – everything else is secondary and tertiary. On a spiritual level, income problems can all be associated with a breach in personal holiness and guarding one’s eyes. A man can’t be happy in this world if he doesn’t guard his eyes and prevent them from gazing at all types of images that only drive him to insanity. Rebbe Nachman teaches that debauchery and the lust for fornication are indeed manifestations of insanity. They also utterly destroy shalom bayit.
 
Nothing has such a profound influence on finding a good wife or on raising good children than a man’s personal holiness. Debauchery – the opposite of personal holiness – is the desire to cling to a strange women. Our desire should be to cling to Hashem instead. So instead of looking at women, we should be looking skyward, casting our eyes upward to paraphrase Psalm 121, and concentrating on personal prayer, teshuva, and Torah study. By building the quality of our character and our personal holiness, we build our mini-Temple that is characterized by peace in the home. This is the lofty goal that every man must pray for and strive for. Shalom Bayit will surely help terminate both our personal and national exile, speedily and in our days, amen!