Eternally Cool

What will they think?

What will they say?

How will they react?

They are a hard lot to satisfy.

All our lives we dress a certain way, act a certain way, even think a certain way to satisfy them. We spend needless hours worrying about what they are thinking about us.
Why?

It’s a basic human instinct to want to be accepted.

Even though we see all the time how damaging this can be, it can also be a great boost to our spiritual growth.

Hashem blessed the human psyche with an abundance of natural tools to lead us on the right path. The first is shame. Shame is an involuntary sense of embarrassment when we do things that are inappropriate. It’s a fear of getting caught and being exposed in public for acts we shouldn’t be doing in private. It’s a part of Hashem’s “early warning system,” reminding us that in the Next World, all of our private acts will be revealed for all to see. These are one of the “natural weapons” Hashem arms us with in the fight against the yetzer hara.

Another is vanity.

On the surface, self-satisfaction appears to be an obstacle. Wanting to be accepted renders us slaves to the forever changing cultural and social trends of the people we want to be accepted by. When nice clothes are the rave, we make sure that our clothes are chic. When displaying wealth is hip, we work double overtime to become the center of conversation. When the sophisticated sort is the cream of the crop, we dust off those books on 1950s existentialism we read in high school.

Scrape away the superficial layer of wanting to be in, and we reveal the true purpose of genuine belonging. There is a type of acceptance that includes all of us.

Hashem is cooler, hipper, and much more fashionable that they are. Even better – He never goes out of style! We all believe it, but the test in life is to actualize it in everything we do. All too often in life what is hip to Hashem is embarrassing to them.

King David reminds us:  I will speak of Your testimonies in the presence of kings, and I shall not be ashamed. (Psalms 119:46)

King David operated at the highest levels of society. He dined with nobles, military leaders, and heads of state. The topics of conversation centered on the important political and financial issues of the day. What is likely discussed in the White House dining room in our time? Which topics grab the most attention in the boardroom of the New York Stock Exchange?

If a CEO began the yearly stockholders meeting with an elaboration on the week’s Torah portion, how do you think he would be looked at by his peers?

This is what King David faced every day. Would he placate them and their requirements, gaining acceptance and honor for the short time he was on this earth? Or would he seek a greater acceptance. A Divine approval that is both unconditional and eternal.

Every day, all of us are tested like King David was. We are challenged with spending our money on a new outfit or a new Shabbat tablecloth. We are all put to task about whether we will talk to a friend about last night’s game or today’s daf yomi. We all are put in that awkward situation where our colleagues want to know why we leave work on Friday afternoon. Do we tell them why, knowing everyone will start to say to us, “Shalom!” Monday morning, or do we make up another excuse?

Even the observant are taken to task. We assume that since we all go to shul, this is enough. How many of us nod our heads when someone starts a conversation over Kiddish about business? The challenge is to talk about emunah, midot, and our constant spiritual exertion towards Hashem. We do this even if the face of the fear that they will begin to think we are becoming fanatics, or showing off too much.

Nobody is asking you to be reclusive, or to make a display about how we don’t conform. In some respects overplaying the rebel role gets you accepted as a “non-conformer.”
This is the test:

When you have family, friends, and colleagues who like you – but expect your day to day behaviors to fall within a limited range of socially acceptable expectations, the great exertion comes when you to choose to meet Hashem’s expectations, thereby leaping beyond their acceptable range and always risking the way they see you.

To pass it grants you the ultimate feeling of Absolute approval. It fulfills that instinct Hashem put inside us to connect with all that is Eternally cool.