Parental Attention and ADHD
Last year, 5th-grader Marty was labeled ADHD. Marty is now getting top marks in science and mathematics, and no longer takes Ritalin. What made the change?
In my experience of counseling parents on child-rearing issues, I’ve found a strong correlation between kids being diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and lack of attention at home. In quite a few cases pertaining to the children of our own Breslev Israel readers, parents asked for my opinion after school counselors and educational psychologists had not only prescribed Ritalin, but stipulated that the child’s continued attendance at their school was contingent upon his taking the drug every day.
I asked parents to delay the use of the drug while first planning a program of maximum parental one-on-one quality time. Each program was tailor-made to the child. In extreme cases, I recommended home-schooling. The results, with Hashem’s loving grace, have been superb.
In general, I urge parents to invest “yechidut” time, where the the parent gives total attention to the so-called ADHD child, with no other siblings around. For example, a father takes the son on a hike in the woods for 2 or 3 hours, once a week, and together they learn about trees, rocks, and birds while also doing personal prayer together. A mother might take her daughter for a lengthy exercise walk & talk, or they might shop together or bake challas together.The feedback we’ve received from parents who decided to improve their one-on-one time with kids who were previously labeled ADHD and ADD has been no less than phenomenal. One father, who I met when he came to me with his “ADHD” son for a private appointment during one of our recent trips to the USA, followed my advice. He bought a tree identification manual and a bird identification manual. His son can now identify every species of bird or tree that he sees. He has become the most attentive child in class, now getting top marks in 5th grade science and mathematics. What’s more, his father is teaching him to talk to Hashem while they’re out in the field.
In another case, I suggested to a mother to make a flower and vegetable garden with her ADHD daughter. It worked like a charm. Mother and daughter built a wonderful rapport, they ate fresh vegetables right out of the garden instead of junk food, and the 12-year old young lady flowered even nicer than the pansies and zinnias which everyone raved about. What could possibly be better?
The one-on-one quality time with a parent calms a child, elevates his self-image, and does wonders for his inner joy, which is ever so important in enhancing the child’s attention span and thought process.
At least 3 dozen children of our readers – that we know about – have rendered the use of Ritalin superfluous in the above manner.
Many parents protest that they lack the time to invest in their children. Priorities, folks… In the end, they waste more time running to school counselors, doctors, and psychologists, not to mention the money involved either.
One of our readers sent me the following poignant anecdote to bring the point home:
A 5 year old boy asked his Daddy one day, “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” His father was quite peeved and said, “What business is it of yours?” The little boy persisted, so in the end, the father said, “Well, if you must know, I make $20 an hour”.
“In that case,” said the little boy, “can I have $9?”
His father was furious. He told the little boy to go and sit quietly in his room. Eventually he calmed down, and thought to himself, well, maybe he had a good reason to ask for $9, and he doesn’t ask me for money often. So he went to see his son, and told him, “Perhaps I was too hard on you earlier, and I am going to give you that $9”. When he gave it to him, he saw his son take a number of bills from under his pillow, and add the $9 to it. The father was surprised. “If you had all that money already”, he said, “why did you ask me for more?”
“Well”, said the boy, “I did not have enough money before. But now I do. Can I buy an hour of your time?”
Think about it. Our children are precious little souls that Hashem has entrusted in our care. They deserve our undivided attention.
1/11/2010
Really Eye-Opening
Thank you, Rabbi Brody! As a teacher I face "ADHD" kids all the time and don’t believe in ritalin, etc. So simple, yet so clear and obvious! Those kids that get this diagnosis, oftentimes, the most attention they get is in the process of "fixing" them. I hope everyone takes this to heart – for the sake of the kids. Thanks.
1/11/2010
Thank you, Rabbi Brody! As a teacher I face "ADHD" kids all the time and don’t believe in ritalin, etc. So simple, yet so clear and obvious! Those kids that get this diagnosis, oftentimes, the most attention they get is in the process of "fixing" them. I hope everyone takes this to heart – for the sake of the kids. Thanks.