Don’t Be Smug

Some people are smug when it comes to prayer. They claim that the prescribed prayers are all they need. But, from what we’ve discussed up until now, effective prayer is virtually impossible without preparatory personal prayer. The Gemara itself testifies that a person cannot overcome the evil inclination unless Hashem comes to his aid. Hashem wants us to arouse ourselves and seek His help. In that respect, the evil inclination actually does us a favor in forcing us to seek Hashem.

Let’s suppose that a person does succeed in praying the Shemona Esrei prayer with proper intent even without initial preparation. Even so, the Shemona Esrei prayer is no replacement for personal prayer. The Shemona Esrei prayer doesn’t exempt a person from personal prayer either. One cannot possibly do extensive soul-searching and self evaluation during the Shemona Esrei prayer, nor can one thank Hashem for all the previous day’s wonderful blessings. The intimate and extensive prayers that constitute the outpouring of our soul are best said during personal prayer.

One of the topics that we should include in our daily personal prayer session is the request that Hashem should put the right words in our mouth, help us enjoy and love praying, and to help us concentrate on our prayers. The evil inclination is very strong in dispersing a person’s thoughts, like an unruly horse that carries its rider off the main path and into a thicket that goes nowhere. We need Hashem’s help in keeping our prayers directed, just like a rider needs strength in handling a wily steed. For that, we need to pray for our success in prayer.

There’s a way to mitigate or to altogether neutralize our suffering and tribulations in this world, as we’ll see in the following example:

A father punishes his son. If the son is stupid, he bears malice in his heart toward his father and hates him.

If this son has some sense, he understands that he was punished for a reason, even though he doesn’t like the punishment. When he realizes what he did wrong, he admits his wrongdoing, expresses his remorse, apologizes, and promises to improve his ways. Even if he doesn’t understand exactly what he did wrong, he asks his father’s forgiveness in a general manner and says, “I’m sorry for upsetting you, Dad – help me to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.”

A truly intelligent son realizes that his father loves him and that the punishment was for his ultimate benefit. He therefore willfully accepts the punishment, turns to his father and says: “Dad, I know that your intent was to wake me up and to bring me closer to you. Thanks so much for paying such close attention to me – that really means a lot to me. Dad, please explain to me what I did wrong and help me improve…” Once the father shows the son his mistake, the son expresses remorse, admits the mistake, asks his father’s forgiveness, and makes a firm resolution to do better in the future.

The third son is on a lofty level of spiritual awareness. He appreciates tribulations since he recognizes that he has deficiencies that need correcting.

Then again, there’s a fourth son who surpasses all of his three brothers. He doesn’t wait to be punished in order to improve his ways. Every day, he does a thorough process of self-evaluation where he weighs everything he did that day and asks himself if his deeds are really upright in light of his father’s requests and standards. He then speaks to his father every single day and says, “Dad, by virtue of the wonderful education you gave me, I was fortunate in doing such-and-such good deeds. Thanks so much. On the other hand, I don’t think my speech or behavior in a certain situation today was the way you would have wanted. I’m really sorry and I’ll try my best to strengthen this weakness…”

The father of such a son glows with satisfaction and gratification. “What a beautiful human being! What a sensitive, considerate, and humble son! He doesn’t wait for me to punish him – he’s always trying to improve. Even if he were to do something seriously wrong, how could I punish him? He’s constantly evaluating himself; he’s always striving to fulfill my wishes. So, even if he does make a mistake, I’ll just give him a gentle hint. With his sensitivity, he’ll surely understand.” The father will want nothing more than to fulfill this wonderful son’s wishes.

Continuing to ponder his sons, the father says, “I wish my other three boys would come and speak to me on their own initiative every day. If they only realized how much I loved them, they’d ask for whatever they want and I’d be happy to give it to them. Even my son that bears malice toward me would realize how much I love him if he would only speak with me every day.”