When summer comes and everyone goes on vacation I slowly become grumpier, a little bit more shallow, a little bit meaner. I become more and more blue until I’m a deep shade of navy. I notice this every year. By the end of summer I will catch myself speaking lashon hora about someone and will think, “This is fun. Yet depressing. Oh no. I really need my classes back. Why do rabbis need vacations anyway?” I’m still a student at the age of 39. I just can’t stop taking classes.
I’ve shared this before, but it’s worth repeating – Torah classes plug you into Hashem and feed your soul exactly what it needs. As Rabbi Brody once explained it to me, it’s perfect spiritual nutrition so your soul just drinks it up like water.
About four years ago when I decided to stop pretending I wasn’t religious I started learning Torah in the most broad sense of the word, pretty much every day, on and off all day. I’m not talking about learning Talmud like a Yeshiva student. I’m talking about Chumash and general information about Judaism, history of the Jewish people and Israel, about different groups within Judaism- those sorts of things. Sometimes I’d sit for hours and read something quite profound and over my head. Other times I’d sneak away for a few minutes and read a summary of the weekly Torah portion or one of the nicer Jewish sites on the internet. I still do all of these things and then some.
Do not under estimate the wonderful effects learning all of this Torah can have on your life. Clearly I’m not a rabbi and Hashem doesn’t explain everything to me. He does stuff and then lets me try to figure it out. If He’s explaining stuff clearly to you, will you please contact me? I have a few questions I’d like for you to sneak in for me. But for me, not learning Torah would be like trying to operate a car without gasoline. It would be like going through life without your buddies ever giving you a giant hug. It’s like living in a place with terrible restaurants and one lame grocery store. A world without Torah learning is like living in a foreign country where you don’t really speak the language and slowly become more and more disconnected from the life happening right in front of you because you can’t quite get in there- you don’t understand them and they don’t understand you.
Last night I sat and learned about Psalm Number Two with a really kind and very well educated rabbi who lives near me. Do I need to tell you that this Psalm profoundly deep and lovely? I mean it’s in the Torah, it’s the best poetry ever. Of course it’s gorgeous. But as I was sitting there learning it occurred to me that I as a mom, thank Hashem, don’t suffer the same way some moms do from a feeling of disconnection. Why? Because I sit and learn Torah with other people as often as I can and as much as I can afford. And then some. In fact I have never felt more in the flow, in the thick of life, as now. Because by the grace of Hashem, I discovered the joy of taking a Psalm apart line by line with someone who knows way more than I.
In one small paragraph you are transported back in time thousands of years, dreaming of a time when there was a Jewish king in Zion. You picture him speaking to his people in a moment when foolish members of his nation, and of His nation, are pondering revolt. What would you say to them, were you in his place? What would you say to people who don’t want to live a life under a king anointed by Hashem? How do you convince them that Hashem has chosen you through prophecy and that you are the prince? That Hashem will smash your enemies like a clay jar, to smithereens? How do you save someone from themselves? And how is it that a Psalm composed thousands of years ago can so perfectly describe, in so many ways, what is going on in the world right now?
How can a person not feel in the thick of things when asking these questions? Impossible. For Bnei Noach, clearly isolation can be a major problem. Even if you are lucky enough to live in an area with Orthodox Jewish shuls and kollels near you, you may not be able to attend or don’t feel comfortable joining in the Torah learning. But don’t quit, don’t give up. There’s no need for that. Please! You must be stubborn. Find a rabbi or a well educated Jewish person in your area and hire them to teach you exactly what you want to learn. (Obviously this means Torah appropriate for Bnei Noach.) Institutions can be intractable, for better or for worse, especially given what the Jewish people have endured at the hands of non-Jews in the past one hundred years. But approaching a person to teach you, or you and a few friends, privately is a wonderful solution to that problem. You aren’t attempting to change the mission of an organization. You are, with Hashem’s help, creating something tailored just for you. So ask Hashem for help and go make it happen. Get yourself some soul food.
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