Nobody Asked You!

If we must be withstand the tests of unavoidable tough times, then we might as well accept them with the emuna that everything is for the best. Emuna enables us to be happy and to understand Hashem’s individual message for each of us.

 

Even when a person doesn’t succeed in grasping Hashem’s message, he or she should accept their current circumstance happily, for such acceptance in itself is lofty service of Hashem. The Code of Jewish Law states (Shulchan Oruch, O.H. 222:3): "A person is obligated to make a blessing on the bad sincerely and willfully, in the same manner that he makes a blessing on the good, since for servants of Hashem, the "bad" is for their benefit and joy, to enable them to accept with love anything that Hashem decrees. Consequently by accepting the bad, one happily serves Hashem."

 

We can’t hide from life’s difficulties; no one asks us whether we’re prepared to undergo trials and tribulations – they appear in our lives whether we want them or not. But, we do have the free choice of how we’ll cope with difficult situations. Happy is the person that accepts life’s trying times with emuna, that they are all for the best; such a positive outlook assures that the tough situation will soon reverse itself. Without emuna, a person is bitter, broken in spirit, disgruntled, and virtually defeated. Bitterness and dark moods are a magnet for additional troubles, heaven forbid.

 

 

The Torah praises the tribe of Issachar (Bereishit 49:14): "He saw tranquility that it was good, and the land that it was pleasant, yet he prepared himself to suffer and became an indentured servant." The holy Rebbe Yitzchak of Varka elaborated on the above verse, and said: "He prepared himself to suffer – the term ‘suffer’ here has a positive connotation, such as sufferance, when one patiently endures anything that happens in life, the opposite of impatience and intolerance."

 

A person is capable of patiently enduring any difficulty in life when he or she believes that everything comes from Hashem and that everything is for the best. Patient endurance, the result of emuna, paves the road to genuine tranquility. Genuine tranquility means a worry-free, peaceful, and happy existence. With emuna, a person saves untold emotional wear and tear.

 

Without emuna, this world becomes a purgatory worse than purgatory itself. Our sages teach us that the evil are tried for twelve months in purgatory; but, a person with no emuna is doomed to decades of living torture worse than purgatory. Bitterness, despair, and discontent are like acid burns on the soul; in many respects, a burn on the soul is much more acute than a burn on the body. Bodily burns heal in time, but emotional and spiritual burns lead to disputes and arguments, anger, worry, tension, stress, jealousy, sadness, revenge, despair, and depression – all because of a lack of emuna! So, with emuna, a person circumvents a lifetime of suffering and negative emotions; life becomes a haven of genuine tranquility.

 

 

We’re faced with choices every moment of our lives. Most people think that choice begins by weighing the relative advantages of the options at our disposal. In actuality, choice begins with something much more basic; namely, choosing whether we’ll be happy with our lot in life or not.

 

Choice consists of two stages: First, one chooses between being happy and not being happy. By choosing happiness, one progresses to the second stage, which is weighing the relative advantages of the options at one’s disposal, what to do, how to do it, and so forth.

Choosing happiness? Yes, the choice is really up to you whether to be happy or not.

 

Surprised? Don’t be. If a person fails to make the initial choice of being happy with his or her lot in life, then he or she can’t possibly weigh their options with clarity of thought and mind. Why? Sadness and depression destroy clarity of thought, and therefore rob a person of his or her free choice. Depressed people are lethargic and ineffective; they perform the simplest tasks arduously. Hashem doesn’t bestow His divine presence on depressed and despairing people; forfeiting divine assistance makes good decision-making virtually impossible.

 

 

When a person is happy with his or her lot in life, he or she can rest assured that at least the first stage of their choices is successful. We see numerous examples of people all around us that are unhappy with their lot in life for no apparent reason. If you were to ask them why they’re not happy, they’d probably lack a conclusive answer. In most cases, they’re unsure about their path in life and they harbor a constant, nagging feeling that they’re missing something. Simply speaking, they’re not sure whether they’re making the right choices.

 

In light of what we’ve said until now, when a person is dissatisfied with life, then he or she is liable to make the wrong choices all day long. Proper choices are the result of a clear mind, and a clear mind is a consequence of happiness. Therefore, the prerequisite to living a directed and purposeful life free of unfortunate mistakes is the choice of being happy with one’s lot in life. Once this initial choice is made, one maximizes the chances of success both in the spiritual and material realms of decision making.

 

No matter what we’re doing – whether at work, in school, or in the home – by deciding to be happy, we subdue the evil inclination’s nagging thoughts of dissatisfaction that we’re missing something. By being happy with whatever we’re doing right now and with our current circumstance, we repel depression and confusion. The evil inclination constantly attempts to inject thoughts of regret and dissatisfaction in our hearts, such as:

 

* "I wish I had a different job…"

 

* "I wish I had married someone else…"

 

* "I wish I lived in a different city…"

 

The examples are endless, as you well know from your own personal experience. But, by choosing to be happy with our lot in life, we avoid the pitfalls of confusion, disappointment, and depression. We maintain the clarity of mind that enables us to make the good choices that further increase our satisfaction in life.

 

 

When a person truly desires a change in life, such as a new job or a new home, yet lacks the ability to implement such a decision, it’s a clear sign that Hashem wants that person to continue in his or her current situation for the meanwhile. In such a scenario, one must accept Hashem’s will happily, and know that the current situation is for his or her ultimate benefit. Nevertheless, one should express any and all aspirations in prayer. A special timeslot should be devoted to telling Hashem about our aspirations, asking for whatever we desire, and discussing our lives with Hashem. Once we regularly pour our hearts out to Hashem, we are able to spend the remainder of the day in happiness.

 

If you have the option of improving your life, by all means, go forward! But, if you see that you lack options right now, and can’t implement what you’d like to, then believe that Hashem wants you to continue for the time being in your current framework; accept Hashem’s loving guidance with happiness, with the complete emuna that Hashem is doing the very best for you. On the other hand, continue praying for what you want.

 

Even with spiritual aspirations, we need to accept our lot happily! So, when we don’t make the spiritual gain as fast as we’d like to, we should ask Hashem for help, tell Him our aspirations, and in the meanwhile accept our current situation with joy. Eventually, with perseverant prayer, Hashem will grant us our wish. So, don’t be discouraged when you seek to learn more but can’t at the moment, or when you have difficulty in overcoming a stubborn habit, negative character trait, or bodily drive. Try your best, and ask for Hashem’s divine assistance in helping you realize your spiritual aspirations.

 

In summary, here’s the 3-point formula for success:

 

1. Talk to Hashem on a daily basis, and ask Him to help you fulfill your aspirations.

 

2. Try your best at whatever you’re doing.

 

3. Accept your current situation happily and with love.

 

You’ll be amazed to see how quickly and completely – oftentimes beyond your rosiest expectations – you realize your aspirations by implementing the above 3-point formula in every aspect of your life.

 

 

Many people, especially the newly observant, ask a probing question: "Why won’t Hashem let me succeed? I want to get closer to Him. I want to learn more Torah, and understand what I learn. I want to get rid of a bad habit, such as overeating. I want to pray with intent, and without all types of extraneous thoughts. I’m not succeeding! Why is spiritual gain so difficult?"

 

Falling short of our spiritual goals is a type of tribulation, since our lives are certainly more pleasant when taste success, understand our Torah learning, overcome our bad habits, and pray with fervor. The tribulation of interim failure in fulfilling our spiritual aspirations is also for the ultimate benefit of our souls, for the following reasons:

 

1. Lack of spiritual success, despite our best efforts, atones for the period in our lives when we exerted much less effort in serving Hashem.

 

2. Hashem delays granting us spiritual success, in other words, elevating us to a higher spiritual plateau, if our souls are not yet strong enough to receive the enhanced divine light of the higher plateau.

 

3. Hashem delays spiritual success until we can properly learn to nullify our egos, so that the success won’t lead to arrogance.

 

4. Hashem often delays success to encourage us to make a second, more concerted effort.

 

 

5. Delayed spiritual success is a test of emuna.

 

By accepting our interim circumstance happily and with love, and by continued tshuva, effort, prayer, and learning, we prepare ourselves as suitable spiritual vessels to receive the divine light of spiritual success.

 

 

A well-known contemporary Talmudic scholar, a pious individual of impeccable character that devoted his life to Talmudic study, suddenly found himself forced to take a job as a teller in a bank. A series of circumstances literally coerced him to trade his seat in the hallowed hall of Torah study for a stool behind a teller’s window.

 

On his first day at work, the Talmudic scholar surveyed the strange and impersonal surroundings of the bank, rubbing his eyes in astonishment: "How did I get here? What am I doing here? Why am I doing such a mundane and unsatisfying task, rather than learning my beloved Torah?" He brushed his mind’s questions aside, and decided to think positively at all costs. Soon, he discovered that he could easily perform his duties while doing some soul-searching as well. "I’m not here at random," he mused; "Hashem certainly engineered this change in my life for my own good. Either I have some soul correction to make, or some special mission to accomplish that requires me being here at the bank, or both!"

 

The teller-Talmudist wouldn’t allow himself sink to despair, despite the fact that he wasn’t doing what he wanted to do. He didn’t try to avoid or deny his current reality, nor was he angry at Hashem or at himself. He did what he had to do and made the best of his circumstance. During lunch break, rather than socializing with his colleagues, he’d find a quiet corner in the employee lounge to eat a sandwich from home and learn a page of Gemorra. During the concluding minutes of his break, he would send a tearful plea to Hashem to have mercy and to enable him to return to full-time Talmudic study. After outpouring his soul for a few minutes, he could then perform his tasks cheerfully for the rest of the day.

 

Weeks and months passed. The teller-Talmudist was steadfast in his emuna, his joyful acceptance of his current predicament, and in his prayers. Miraculously, the problems and circumstances that had forced him to take a job as a teller reversed themselves for the better, and the teller was soon able to reassume his place in his beloved hall of Torah study.

 

To be continued…