Real Education

Translated from Rabbi Arush’s feature article in the weekly Chut shel Chessed newsletter. The articles focus on his main message: “Loving others as yourself” and emuna. 

You Don’t Have to Know Everything 

“How are you, teacher? Do you remember me?” 

The teacher sees in front of him a young man, but very quickly he recognizes the face of his long-ago student. “Yes, I remember you. I taught you in third grade. How are you? What are you doing these days?” 

“The truth is, I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long time and tell you that, thanks to you, I am now a teacher. You gave me the inspiration to become a teacher, because when I saw the great influence you had on me, I decided to influence others as well and do good for others – become an educator.” 

“You’ve made me very curious. What was my influence on you?” 

“You don’t remember?!” 

“No, I’ll be glad if you could enlighten me.” 

“I’ll remind you. one day, one my friends came to school with a beautiful new wristwatch. I was envious I so much wanted such a watch for myself. My yetzer hara (evil inclination) got the better of me, and when I saw him put down the watch, I slipped it into my pocket. The boy cried and complained about the theft to you. It was clear that it was one of his classmates. You asked the thief to confess and return the watch, but I didn’t have the courage to confess in front of the whole class and therefore remained silent. 

“You then lined us up, and asked everyone to close their eyes, while you would check our pockets. I was very scared. I knew that my shame was going to be revealed. You went from one child to another. You reached me. You found the watch and removed it without saying a word, and without any of the children noticing.  

“Afterwards, we all sat down in our seats. You said to everybody: ‘The children in our class are all tzaddikim. There are no thieves here. It was the yetzer hara that stole the watch, and, Baruch Hashem, we got hold of him.’ You returned the watch to its owner and said nothing more about the subject – you didn’t even give a hint about this episode, and your attitude towards me didn’t change at all. 

“Even as a little boy, I understood that day that you had made a huge effort to protect my honor and my reputation. You prevented me from acquiring a personal and social stain that could have followed me for many years to come. You simply saved my life. Since then, I have felt a tremendous obligation to justify the opportunity that I had been granted, and from there my life took an upward turn. 

“The older I grew, the more I understood how your act was absolutely critical in shaping my personality, and how important it is that there should be more teachers like you in the world, and I decided to study education and devote my life to it.” 

When the former student saw the surprised expression on the teacher’s face, he was very surprised himself: “What?! You mean to tell me that you don’t remember the story? You don’t remember the thief’s name?” 

“I remember the story,” replied the teacher. “But I don’t remember your name, because I, too, shut my eyes…” 

To Educate from the Root 

This is an amazing story. Such nobility of character. Not only did the teacher protect the student’s honor, but he didn’t even want to know and didn’t want to see any evil in any student of his. It would be so good if this story would always be in the forefront of our minds when we are engaging in in the holy task of educating our children, our students, and everyone around us, at any age. 

Last week we brought a story about how much we should trust children, the good that is in them, and about the importance of a kind word; this story demonstrates this idea from a different angle. It is a well-known story that many educators tell, in slightly different variations, and it contains much food for thought about our behavior towards our children. 

As a parent, there are many times when you encounter some problematic behavior, and you think that you must deal with it. It could be that you will “succeed” – you’ll find the thief, you’ll triumph over the problematic child, make the audacious child sorry for his being so audacious and so on, but in the long run you will have ruined the child. The operation may be a success, but the patient will die… 

Education is a long-term investment. Every child is a tree. You don’t water the branches and care for them; you water the roots, and you will then benefit from the fruits and the good that will result all your life. And if you, chalila, don’t treat the tree right, the tree could look very nice, green and flourishing, but you will have ruined the roots, and the tree will not produce anything. 

Mental Health – the Starting Point of Education 

It is not so hard to understand this. Everyone knows regarding himself that one put-down, one libelous statement, can accompany him for many years and ruin his life, his livelihood, his marital relations, society – and even harm his entire family – his children and more. And if it is so when a person is already a grownup, how much more so does it harm a child’s sensitive soul.  

It is not only an insult or a put-down. It’s enough if you don’t believe in the child, if you give him the feeling that he is a failure, if you don’t believe in the good that is in him, if you wreck his faith in himself, if you refrain from giving him love, or if you make the love dependent on some success or other. Doing these things is like cutting down the entire tree! 

So, pay attention, dear parents, because all this does not come from evil thoughts. You have good intentions, you want only good for the child, and you have specific “educational” goals. But don’t make mistakes regarding the heart and soul of education; don’t forget that the most important thing is the child’s soul. One can be successful in educating a child only if he is psychologically healthy. 

One father looked out the window and saw his son coming home from school on the day of giving out report cards, looking downfallen. The father noticed that the child was taking his time coming up the stairs and understood that he was afraid to come up because of his report card. This father was wise, and he went out to greet his son warmly, hugging him and kissing him and saying, “My dear son, have you brought your report card home?” “The report card is not good,” said the child, his eyes brimming with tears. 

The father understood that what was really in danger was the child’s soul, and the report card was of no significance. He took it and ripped it to pieces in front of the child, saying to him: “My dear son, I don’t care what it says in the report card; I love you in any case. Nothing matters. Never be afraid to come home, even if you have failed a test. I will always love you.” 

Such an attitude gives the child the power to grow and improve himself more than a million sermons can do! And the main thing is that it protects the child’s soul and opens the gates of success for him! 

And, like the teacher who shut his eyes, as parents and as friends as well, many times it is worthwhile – and better – for us to shut our eyes. Hashem yitbarach also shuts His eyes so as not to see anything evil in the Jewish People, as Rabbi Nachman writes about the passuk: “He has glimpsed no wrong in Yaakov, He has seen no sin in Yisrael.”¹ Hashem sees only the good.  

The central piece of advice of Rabbeinu Hakadosh, Rabbi Nachman of Breslev, is to search for and find and see only the good. Rabbeinu writes that searching for the good in a human being is precisely the secret of the Mishkan (Tabernacle) and the secret of all child education. When you see the good in your children, you are causing them to wish – with all their hearts – to be included amongst the good, amongst the tzaddikim, and to truly be good and do good for others; they will then wish to light up the world and add goodness and blessing and life and holiness to the entire world.  

Editor’s Notes: 

¹  Bamidbar (Numbers) 23:21