The Chosen Elite

Never in the history of mankind did a man ever hurt a woman and walk away from it scot-free. One way or another, he pays with his life . . . or worse.

For over a decade, it was my own personal hell. This huge abyss inside my heart was a black hole that sucked out every speck of light. The pain was immense. It was unbearable. More than once I envisioned how simple it could be to put a gun to my head and end it.

Thank G-d for Hashem. I was too afraid to face Him with this on my soul.

Only after a good 10 years distance from this horror can I take a good look back and accept why I got what I deserved.

For years I was an online dating pro. I would go out with a woman long enough to get what I wanted, and move on. There were so many single women in the city I was living in, I could get away with it. Nobody knew more than 20 people closely, so how could I get a reputation? I could act without any fear of consequences.

That was my worst sin.

I hurt so many people. So many people had their trust shaken. So many endured an attack on their confidence. I terrorized Jewish Women. These are G-d’s daughters.

Feminism is not a Jewish concept. The idea that men and women are equal is a fairy tale. According to the Torah, Jewish women stand far above the men. They are on a higher spiritual level. They have clearer prophecy. They are given more responsibility.

G-d loves Jewish women so much, He will erase His own Name to protect their honor.

This is not given to men, or women of any other faith. That is how high a Jewish Woman stands in this world.

And I abused them. There were a few people I contacted after abandoning them. They were irate. I should have realized what I was doing to all the women I never spoke to.

Hashem paid me back for the harm I caused His royal class. He sent me emotional agony that brought me to the brink. It never subsided. It went on year, after year, after year.

Now that my head is clean, I understand why it all happened. I am so sorry to every woman I hurt. I wish I could take it all back.

The pain is gone, but the dread persists. There is one possibility that scares me:

What if I caused another woman this type of pain?

If there is someone else in this world whom I put through this, I am going to hell. I don’t see how anyone can repent for making someone feel this way, even for a second.

All I can do is pray for mercy and beg forgiveness from the Jewish Nation — at least its better half.

What about all the other men who play this game? What about the “players” who get what they want and move on? What about the Harvey Weinsteins, Al Frankens and the Matt Lauers of this world, and those who do the same, but do it “safely”?

Do they get to brag about their conquests while leaving the people they hurt in tears?

If Hashem has mercy, they will pay for what they did in this world. They will feel an immense pain for their misdeeds, realize where it came from, and repent.

For those who get away with it, their pain is far worse.

The pain we feel in this world is always temporary. Whether through healing, rehabilitation, medicine, or death, it ultimately stops. Even a punch in the stomach or a slap in the face is fleeting. 20 minutes after it happened, you don’t feel a thing.

Pain reserved for the Next World is constant, and can be forever. It doesn’t diminish. The intensity of the shock you feel the moment a fist hits you is the same level of intensity you feel for minutes, or hours, or days, or years, or longer.

There is little I can do to make up for the ruthless and thoughtless evils I committed against G-d’s Beloved. But this I can give you . . . If a man hurts you in any way, know for sure that he has just committed suicide. He won’t get away with anything.

None of us ever do.