Slap in the Face

It’s happened to all of us.

That feeling you get when you did something for someone, and got nothing in return. Not just nothing; less than nothing. When you worked so hard for them, or went out of your way for them, and the least they could do is show an ounce of appreciation for your efforts.

But, no.

They act as if you did nothing, or worse, they retaliate against you. It doesn’t make any sense, right? How can it be that someone that you care about, someone that you do so much for, can appreciate your efforts so little? It makes you wonder how much they appreciate and value you.

Something like this just happened to me yesterday. A person I had put much effort toward making happy, had done something so unbelievable, so ungrateful, it made me want to cut ties altogether. I didn’t need any special thanks for all of my years of effort, but I didn’t need the negative retaliation, either.

When I found out this person’s reaction, I called Rav Brody and started venting on him. Have you ever heard an Iraqi rant and rave? It’ll make you sweat, even over the phone. Poor Rav Brody. He had to be the virtual punching bag to let all of my anger and frustrations on. Actually, he’s a lucky guy! People would pay big money to have me yell at them!

All hallucinations aside, I do have an important point I’d like to share. Actually, two. Maybe three, even. The first one is based on what Rav Brody told me to calm me down: “Think of it as a spiritual atonement in place of a worse problem. This is much better than medical bills, right?” Alright, he got me there.

But, wait! He doesn’t even know this part yet! Later that day, two of my kids decided to run smack dab into each other, because they were bored. (You know I’m joking, right?) All I heard was a BOOM!, almost as loud as an explosion, and then two kids screaming and crying hysterically. All of a sudden, I saw one of my boys holding his chin, with blood gushing out from between his fingers.

!)#($%*$@(#@)_(#@#$%(~!!!!!!!!!!

At 6:30 pm, when I should have been feeding the kids and getting them showered, I was walking my kid to the car, trying to keep the bleeding under control. Thank G-d, there is an urgent care clinic right up my street. But in typical Israeli fashion, there was no doctor there. Why should there be, really? “Come back in an hour,” they told me. Great. I tried so hard to keep my eye rolling from being too obvious.

Double thank G-d, when we got back, it turned out the cut wasn’t big, and it wasn’t as deep as I had thought. My son ended up just getting some liquid glue and a few bandages. Good as new! Yes, until I picked him up earlier today, only to see his chin minus the liquid glue and bandages.

Here’s lesson #2: Actually, it’s two lessons in one. Like a buy one, get one free kind of thing. There could be two reasons you’re in a one-sided friendship, relationship, partnership. First reason: Hashem doesn’t want you to have an inflated ego. Let’ be honest. It’s too easy to get all full of yourself when you do something great, especially if it’s met with tons of appreciation, applause, and bouquets of roses. So Hashem sometimes causes a person to not give you what you think you deserve, in order to prevent you from walking around with an ego the size of.

Second reason: This person isn’t someone you should be close with. There are so many one-sided relationships, and it’s very sad that the receiver never appreciates the efforts of the giver as much as he should. But, maybe this is Hashem’s way of telling you that this person isn’t good for you? Maybe this person that is sucking your energy dry is not beneficial at all to your growth? Maybe they’re just a blood-sucking, self-absorbed person who will never see how much effort you put into the relationship, because they can’t see past themselves?

So those are three very important points you need to consider when reflecting on such a relationship.

And here’s a fourth bonus point that applies to any instance in which another person hurts us: we have to do our best to separate the message from the messenger! This is so, so, so important, and nearly impossible for us non-tzaddikim. But, it’s crucial that we work on this realization every single day. Because every single day, many people can annoy, upset, and anger us. At least, it’s true with me. Maybe all you peeps out there really are perfect.

Hashem sends us messages, and the only way to send a message is via a messenger. So the next time one of Hashem’s messengers gives you a slap in the face, look up at the sky. Don’t retaliate. And at that moment, tell Hashem, “I know it’s You, not the person. What am I supposed to learn from this situation?”

If you can do this, let me know and I’ll send you the largest trophy I can find (that’s less than $5.) I’ll even engrave your name on the plaque! (Only if that service is free with the order of the trophy.)