Flight into Fantasy

Most of us feel that we’re lacking many things in life and that if we could only get what we want, we’d be at peace with ourselves.  I’ve been writing a lot about this flawed way of thinking lately because of how much suffering it is causing to the people that I speak with.

It’s a simple truth: a person who gets into the habit of saying “I don’t really need that…I’ll really be better off without that” (whether “that” is a material or spiritual thing) will enter into a world of inner contentment and peace that most people don’t know about.

I have seen, first hand, what happens to people who live in a constant state of “craving” and “must-ing” for one thing or another – it creates anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive symptoms, and even suicidal thinking in some people.

On the positive side, I have seen people overcome their fears and worries by learning to scale down their “wants” and their “needs” and cultivating their emuna that Hashem is looking after their needs in the best way possible.

A young unmarried man was learning in a big yeshiva here in Israel when he suddenly became overwhelmed with all kinds of very big fears. He became fearful of people. He became fearful of traveling. He became fearful even of sitting and learning Torah. Eventually he was sent for a psychiatric examination and put on some medicine (which I believe that he needed at the time).

As I got to know him I saw a quiet, soft-spoken type of person, but despite his “quiet” exterior there was a deep part of him that was angry that he didn’t have what he felt he deserved in life. Now he’s a yeshiva student, so the Evil Inclination wasn’t able to trick him into craving a mountain-side villa with a sprawling garden, but the Evil Inclination was able to get him to crave being a great Rabbi and Torah scholar. The desire to be great and famous for his Torah learning took root in him and grew stronger over time. Eventually he became obsessed by the constant recognition of how far he presently was from his goal. The next stage in his “downfall” was that he lost the satisfaction that he had from his current level of learning. Before long he was staying up later at night and getting up earlier just to try and “catch up” to what he was able to accomplish before his delusions of grandeur began – only now anxiety was making even this impossible to achieve.

When he began to look at his situation with his “emuna self” he realized that Hashem wanted him to nullify his desire to be a Rabbi and simply enjoy learning as he had before this whole thing got escalated.  Obviously, he was not able to nullify all of his desires at once. But he got used to thinking that wanting what he doesn’t have only robs him of what he presently has. This simple understanding took work on his part to implement but it has already enabled him to reduce his intake of psychiatric medication.

A very holy Jew once told me that there are two types of people in the world: one type is looking to be happy and the other type is happy with what they have. He told me that the type that are looking for happiness will never find it because they are always looking toward some fantasized future happiness and so they’re unable to extract even an ounce of pleasure from their lives in the present.

When we take flight into fantasy about what we “should” be or “must” be, we instantly lose ourselves and we lose our connection to Hashem.  The way back to both is to have emuna that the present is for the best even if we don’t understand why it hurts so much. The famous and holy Kotzker Rebbe once said that he didn’t want to be able to understand Hashem’s ways because if he could understand Hashem’s ways that would mean that Hashem would be no greater than another human being (who could be figured out). “No”, said the Rebbe: “I don’t want to be able to understand ‘my Hashem’.”

When we are living with emuna we are living in Hashem’s palace amongst his royal treasury. However, most of us are running away from emuna. We are chewing our food and not even tasting it because we are already thinking about the next bite. Our sages want you to enjoy the present bite so much that you’ll see that you don’t need another one – and this will make you feel so strong and eternal.

The world is currently being ruined by a minority of people who are trying to make everyone else conform to their will. When their will clashes with the will of others war begins. It’s hard to live in such a world. The answer that will rectify the world is for those leaders to nullify their selfish desires and instead to desire peace.