Divine Personnel Management

"Hey, Dov, Jack is coming back from his European sales trip. Did you hear? He closed 4 clients. It's been a month since he left, but you know ,Jack — he will spend the next 3 days taking a victory lap."

Jack is a zero sum player. The only way for him to win is for somebody else to lose. He is so good at what we does that whomever he decides is the “somebody else” will have to grin and bear it.

About an hour later I get the call.

"Hey, Dov, Jack here. I heard about all the new things you were working on while I was away. It's great that you’re showing such initiative, but it will have to wait. I have a lot of work for you. You will be processing my updated sales reports so be ready."

This is work that is always done by his secretary. He did it again. 

I fumed.

Over a warm cup of tea, I started to think of all the things I wanted to do to him. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. The more violent and twisted my thoughts became.

Then it happened. After about 20 minutes of escalating the agonies I wanted him to suffer through, I realized I was guilty of so many sins:

1. Idolatry. The sin of anger is equal to that of idolatry.

2. Revenge. We are not allowed to take revenge on anyone.

3. Ignoring the Primary Commandment. Everything in this world comes from Hashem, and not Jack.

4. Baseless hatred. Jack won’t result in my family missing a paycheck. I won’t even get in any trouble for doing what he asks. My emotions were certainly very disproportionate to these events.

I was guilty. It was a sin before G-d because only He and I know about the full extent of what I was thinking. To atone, I resolved to execute judgment upon myself. I told Hashem that for the next week, I would do exactly what Jack said with no complaints. 

Hashem in His Mercy, accepted my judgment. Five miracles took place:

1. The punishment became a good stress reliever. For weeks I was dreading this moment. I didn’t know exactly what Jack would do, but I knew he would do something. The worst case scenario was that I would lose a week of work to be his personal assistant. I was so worried about it, I could barely keep up my diet, or wake up on time. It was affecting my health. The moment I punished myself by guaranteeing the worst case scenario, there was nothing more to worry about.

2. The punishment became a great stress reliever. What really stressed me out was half of the humiliation would be that Jack gets the best of me. What made it worse was that I would be forced into doing something completely non-productive for an entire week. Coming into the office would be useless because I would be doing nothing. That’s really where the bulk of the stress came from. The moment this punishment took effect, for the next week I am doing teshuva. The more humiliating the situation, the better the repentance. Every moment I fill out Jack’s sales forms a spark of repentance is registered in heaven. Work becomes a Divine Service and not a moment is wasted.  
 

3. The Boss took over. Whenever I get so focused on something I am doing, I fall into the trap that I am in control of it. If I put too much effort into achieving a goal, I feel like I am the master of it and forget Who gave me the goal, Who put the obstacles in my way, and Who determines success. In doing something that “sets me back,” but does a real repentance to He Who decides all forms of livelihood, Hashem returns to His Throne. All of what is going on around me reverts to being merely a stage G-d created to perform His work.

 
4. The right people get freaked out. Jack can pass off his instructions to me as innocently as he wants. The truth is that he has a very powerful survival instinct and he was using it. The moment he comes in the office and confronts me about it, the same instinct will be sniffing out for anger or resentment. When I smile at him and tell him I’m on it, going so far as to congratulate him on his sales success, his instinct will go into overdrive. “Why is he taking this so well?” Now it’s his time to toss and turn. He locked himself into a situation he no longer can control or predict.

5. The Moment of Opportunity Comes. Word will get out that Jack hit Dov with the “buried in paperwork” attack. The people in the department will talk. They will have a good laugh at what Jack did. Then someone will mention how well I took it. Someone will say “He’s gone bonkers! He just smiled at Jack.” Most people will pass it off as nothing. Someone, probably a seasoned veteran with the same instincts as Jack, will pick up on someone doing something that isn’t in the company playbook. He or she won’t make a big deal out of it, but they will follow up on their hunch. They will say hi to me where they never did before. They will include me on an email that usually went out to 5 other people. They will “feel me out” by saying, in one form or another, “You did something completely unexpected. What else are you holding back on?” Hashem blessed me with a momentary window of opportunity to answer this person’s question and make a new ally.

On every level we can see how following Hashem’s Torah is the key to a successful and happy life. I could have looked at my suffering as a Divine punishment for my sins, which I did, but on second thought, it was a Divine growth opportunity. There's nothing like Hashem's personnel management…