Landing the Dream Girl

YOU GIVE UP!? NEVER!!!

You know the feeling, you’ve been on another date and it didn’t work out. You want to give up on the whole dating scene and maybe put off getting married. But why give up again? Maybe your strategy is off.

For most people in the religious world, it is very common to get married through a matchmaker. Friends and family are always ready to suggest talking to them. Match makers as well are always ready to give their best shot at helping you meet your match. But there lies a problem in this formula. Too many people who sincerely desire to get married place way to much trust in them. Meaning, they leave Hashem out of the picture.

Now I can already hear many of our dear readers say, “What, it’s hard, I’m not leaving Hashem out of the picture, I pray.”   We aren’t here to argue, but as the saying goes, even the burglar prays before a break in. The real question is how are you praying? Is it rote, or are you pouring out your heart?

Remember dear brother, and I know you are suffering, but like Sara, Rivka, Rachel and Leah, plus many of our greatest figures in Judaism they had it tough and things didn’t always go their way. But as the commentators on the Torah say, Hashem desires the prayers of the righteous. So take it as a compliment!

THE BEST ADVICE

One motto that has been time tested is “ you want a princess, become a prince!”  What that means is that if you find yourself not succeeding on your dates and nothing is advancing, don’t get down on yourself! It’s just Hashem helping you realize that you need to get to work.  Maybe you’re not as good as you think you are. We all need to correct things in our personality and it’s actually the biggest favor in the world if you don’t get married when you have a serious flaw that you need to fix. Otherwise your married life could be a life of tension and pain.

STEP ONE:

CURB YOUR LUST for WOMEN

If you are new to observant Judaism there is no doubt that you are seriously afflicted with an obsession for women whether you realize it or not. (Don’t worry even observant Jews can be very observant of every attractive woman if they don’t work on themselves.)

We are all struggling with this, so what do you do? The first thing is realize that there is a Torah commandment not to covet. So many of us have ping pong eyes. We go about our day and see everything, we have no control, every girl, poster, and advertisement seeps into our eyes and damages our soul. Not only that, it pollutes our imagination. So if you had gotten married and hadn’t corrected this, your married life would be absolute hell. Why? Because she can’t tolerate you seeing any other woman, let alone desiring them.

BUT IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!……WITHOUT PRAYER

It would be an understatement to say that guarding our eyes is impossible. But I’ve got the answer thanks to Rav Shalom Arush. Prayer. 

Prayer has the power to overcome our natural desires. Ask anyone of Rav Arush’s students about the daily 30 minutes of prayer on guarding their eyes and they will tell you flat out it’s saved their married lives. For more information, read The Garden of Purity.

HASHEM CALLS THE SHOTS

So if you have been going through the process of match makers add personal prayer to the mix. Learn about hitbodedut from In Forest Fields. Try your absolute best to take upon yourself to do an hour a day. You’ll be glad you did because now you have the time as a single to do it. When you do meet your girl and you both get to know each other she’ll come to learn that every day you have your hour with Hashem.

It will make things much easier for you in the long run. Plus the benefits are enormous!  Every marriage has its ups and downs, crises and blessings. By taking that hour daily, you will be keeping a good check up on yourself as to how you live up to The Garden of Peace. It will be too hard to take it upon after the fact. Do it now!

THE MAIN LESSON

Stop relying on humans!  If you truly want to get married to your soul mate and it’s been a rough ride, you need to seek Hashem. No matchmaker in the world knows you like the Creator. He knows what you need, want and secretly desire. He’s just waiting for the day you truly call Him. He’s waiting, now get to work! We know you can succeed.