Overcoming Adversity

Question: What do the following statistics have in common? 

* 85% of adult children of alcoholic parents are able to resist drinking alcohol.

 

* 90% of the children who grow up with a schizophrenic parent do not become schizophrenic.

 

* 70% of children who were abused do not become abusive to others.

Answer: Each of the above shows the strength and resiliency of the human spirit. The same is true for the children of parents with substance abuse problems, other forms of mental illness, chronic marital difficulties, obsessive compulsive disorder, paranoia, depression, as well as those who were victims of racial discrimination and antisemitism. An overwhelming majority of people who were exposed to even these major life challenges somehow managed to survive and become normally functioning, successful people.

Unfortunately people are told that if they were exposed to a particular trauma or to one of the above conditions that there is a high likelihood that they will “get it” too. This is simply not true. This is why it’s critically important to only seek help from someone who looks for what is right about you and not G-d forbid the opposite.

There are large cultural and societal forces that actively work to prevent people from knowing their true strength and ability to bounce back from adversity. Don’t be fooled. G-d has given you everything that you need to creatively cope and deal with any situation that arises be it large or small. You’ll get much further in life by learning to be proud of what you do that’s right rather than just focusing on “what’s wrong.”

Here’s a spiritual meditation that you can do either prior to or as part of your personal prayer sessions. Only before starting the meditation take some time to really think about these foundation principles – since the meditation is based on these principles the more you can internalize them the better your results will be.

Foundation Principles for Bouncing Back from Adversity 

1. All of your positive, constructive thoughts come from G-d.

2. G-d sends us a constant flow of positive potentially useful thoughts, memories, images, and sensory perceptions as part of His Divinely determined providence.

3. The healthiest place to be is in the present, in the NOW.

4. Good questions are better than mediocre answers. A powerful form of spiritual meditation is for us to humbly ask questions and wait patiently for G-d to provide the “answers.” G-d is not likely to speak to you but He does frequently communicate to us though the thoughts that He sends us. Since all of our good, constructive thoughts come from Him, we can ask questions and then patiently wait to receive the next thoughts that G-d sends us. If the “answer” is truly from G-d, we’ll experience a sense of wholeness, oneness, and joy upon receiving G-d’s response. When the answers to our questions are from G-d we experience a reduction of anxiety, tension and depressive feelings. Almost the moment that one asks a good question to G-d there is a sense of relief that is followed by positive emotional states of calmness, serenity, increased sense of purpose and energy to either spring into action or to ask G-d more questions.

Sample Questions 

1. G-d, what subject, topic, personality characteristic, or happening should I be speaking about with You right now?

2. G-d, it there something that I have been missing in my prayers to You lately?

3. G-d, have I forgotten to thank You for something or not expressed my gratitude to You for something?

4. G-d, is it true that You want me to ask You questions like this?

5. G-d, I am wondering why you caused “X” to happen to me?

6. G-d, will you please help me to realize my strengths?

7. G-d, will you please open my eyes to see the direction that You want me to take with regard to “X.”

8. G-d, I know that you want me to find the good in “X”, but how can I?

As you become more used to asking G-d questions, He will send you the very questions to ask Him. Once you have attuned yourself to this type of meditation, you will experience yourself to be in a “receiving mind-state.” Questions and answers about all kinds of things will be flowing through your mind and your predominant mood will be ecstatic.

There are basically two kinds of fear: one that shortens life and another that adds days to your life. The first are the typical worries and fears that people have. These are the false fears and feelings of inadequacy about ourselves that we are conditioned to believe. These are the societal forces that seek to take us away from G-d and to believe that it is next to impossible to   bounce back from adversity. The fear that lengthens your life is a fear (really an awe) of Hashem, yirat Hashem tosef yomim (awe of G-d increases your lifespan).

Once you have an awe of G-d, you will stay motivated to keep growing because you’ll believe in your power of resilience and growth regardless of what anybody tells you.