Shua’s Swan Song

Editor’s Note: Shua Finkelstein of blessed memory died in his sleep on Shabbat, 4 Adar almost 5 years ago; he had just turned 20. The next day, he was intending to propose to his girlfriend. But on Friday night, he ached so badly deep down inside that he took pain killers to try and alleviate the pain. Tragically, he took too many. His father Moshe found him lifeless on the floor on Shabbat morning. Shua wrote this letter before he died – other than punctuation, we have left it almost unedited, in Shua’s own words. It’s a heart-breaker, for it shows a starkly real photograph of the inner damage that’s done to the victim of child molestation. May it be a credit to Shua’s loving memory, for it can save lives.

There is thing called child molestation that we have all heard of; we all know it happens in different places we all know maybe priests or that creepy uncle. Let me tell you a little about this thing and first hand what it can do to a kid. A frum child is molested he knows nothing about tummah and kedusha (impurity and holiness, LB) all he knows is that he was violated that his body is a toy thats what gets engraved into his brain not that he is a person worthy of respect but that he is an object a tool. This kid grows up he knows nothing of sex all he knows is that he is dirty and that his rabbis say sex is bad. He doesn’t understand – he thinks he is bad. Any mussar shmooz (morals lecture – LB) he hears it directly at him and this innocent kid begins to believe of himself as a bad person.

Nobody likes being bad he will look for a place with no expectations of him a place were he can be free to fit in a world where everybody is bad. Chances are he will either convince himself this is the normal and pass it in to another innocent child or he will resort to rebelling to prove to himself he is as bad as he thinks he is. Often he will find drugs to take him away to give him an escape from his horrible reality.

That being said, did you ever notice a “Support our Troops” symbol on the back of somebody’s car? Do you know what that represents? That means that thousands of miles away are people no different than yourself fighting a war and that we support them. That support gives them the morals they need to keep doing what they must do in order to protect us. I don’t expect to see “save our kids” on the back of all of our cars but is it too much to ask that each and everyone of us do our part???

I will not mention names but there was one play group (by “play group”, Shua is referring to the adult monitor of the play group who molests children – LB) accused, cased closed and dealt with. That’s a start but that should send a chill down your spine – these are kids we are talking about! There is another play group that is still open after over 5 cases have been brought against it!!!!! Do you love your kids???? These are the same kids that some vaad (committee) in _____ (name of his town, omitted by editor) will put an ad in the paper to protect from cellphone texting or G-d forbid a concert, but did you see an ad saying Guard your Kids!!!!? DO research!!!!!  If you’re in doubt, don’t send them there! A play group that has had 5 allegations against it is still open????? Of course it’s their parnasah (a person’s income) we are so worried about. Maybe I should fill you in on some facts – there is a Jewish rehab center whose name I will not mention that deals with kids whose lives are in danger. I spoke to the intake administrator there about the clientele and I was told that 99% of all kids are from _____ (name of his town, omitted by editor)! Yes, our holy town who doesn’t allow text messaging – kids were molested in this town!!!!! And that is what led to their addiction!

Now some facts of this rehab which has a high success rate – 50% don’t stay clean and out of all the Jewish kids there that leave and relapse, there is an average of 3 Jewish souls that die a year!!! Murdered by you and me and all of us unwilling to take a stand against these people in our community! The rabbis are scared to do anything!? It’s political?? How dare they say that??

This is life and death – we are killing kids over here. We are condemning them to a life of misery of lonely depression and G-d forbid of passing on this horrible sickness.

IT IS YOUR DUTY as a Jew, as a human to find these people in our community and no longer let them live among us!!!! ‘Oy le rosha Oy le schayno’ (woe to the wicked person and woe to his neighbor – LB). I think over here we are all the reshoim (wicked – LB) if we sit back and do nothing!! And if you dare say you are worried that people in play groups will lose their jobs, there is some math you may want to do:

A 6 month rehab program to give a molested kid a chance costs $5,000 per month, totals $30,000 –  now this place on average has 20 kids per six months – that’s $60,000! Do you want me to count in the average fee of therapy $150-per hour????? Or maybe you want the numbers I got from the local funeral homes?? WAKE UP!!!

Ask yourself honestly is it that you are truly concerned about this just isn’t your place or do you just not know what to do? I think trying to be worried about innocent money just went the window – this cannot be hidden any more!!! If you know something, speak up!!! Have you been thru this??? Share your story, help create support groups. Help publicize this letter – share your story.

If you are an offender seek help – it can be done; your amends will not be easy but it can be done.You can make one fatal mistake and that is to try and hide and think you will get passed by come out help fix the wrong before you will no longer have that chance EVER. If we all get together as a town to help weed this community it can be done with minimal damage. Anybody innocent who may receive slight setbacks because of this consider it your part in saving a life. ASHRECHA!