Falling Apples

There’s a saying that goes ‘little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems’. As a mother of grown-up children, I can attest to the reality of that statement (although I wouldn’t call them problems, but more like challenges). Babies are a miracle, a gift from Hashem, but that blessing is not without its many difficulties. Nothing worthwhile comes easily and certainly not raising children. These little human beings are precious neshamas (souls) that depend on us, their parents, for their very existence. They are entrusted to us to guide them on their proper path in life. This is a hefty task indeed, as we must take into account not only their physical development, but their spiritual growth as well.

Jewish mystical thought teaches that the soul or a part of the soul can be reincarnated in order to accomplish what he or she failed to complete in a previous gilgul (incarnation). Our sages say we actually choose our parents in shamayim (Heaven), selecting those we feel will help us achieve our soul correction here on earth. In view of this, don’t we owe it to our children to live up to their expectations? The schools and neighborhood we select and the lifestyle we adhere to, all have a major impact on their upbringing.  It all influences who they will become as adults.  If we want them to be G-d fearing men and women, the sooner we instill those values the better.  We should heed Hillel who said, ‘if not now, when?’.

As the saying goes, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. By setting a righteous example for our progeny they will automatically emulate those qualities, giving them a better chance at reaching their personal tikkun (correction).  G-d willing, it will also allow them to attain internal happiness and peace which in turn will bring joy to us and Hashem as well. If we ignore our own spiritual needs, our children’s souls will suffer right along with ours. It is our Heaven-sent duty to attend to the spiritual requirements of our children from day one or the apple may not only fall far from the tree, it may roll into the gutter. The direction of the world today is not conducive to holiness, obliging us to make an intense effort to pursue that goal in earnest. For our sake, as well as our children’s, it behooves us to strengthen ourselves in Torah, Mitzvot and Kedushah (holiness). Simultaneously, we should constantly polish up our emuna, for without a complete internalization that Hashem is in complete control of each and every aspect of the world, the rest won’t solidify as it should.

After so many years of changing diapers, sleepless nights, dealing with tantrums, sickness and a myriad of related chores, it seems I have finally earned a break. At least that’s what one would think, but not so. From the moment we become parents, the constant awareness and struggles of fulfilling our children’s abundant needs never ends. It changes over the years as the concern and supervision becomes more emotional and less physical. Even when our kids grow up and get married, they are still our offspring and we always want what is best for them. The circle expands as our love and caring extends to their newly formed families as well.

There are days when I sense I ‘missed the boat’ in steering our children to the loftiest targets while they were still in their formative years. I may have been responsible for some oversights at the time, but I believe it is never too late to be a good role model.  Rebbe Nachman’s valuable quote that ‘there is no despair in the world’ (Likutei Moharan 2:78) helps me maintain a positive attitude. Rabbi Lazer Brody, shita teaches that we should not look back at our blunders but to do teshuvah (repent) and forge ahead with a smile on our faces. It is easier said than done but with strengthened emuna anything is possible. Now that our children are mature adults in their own right, we just have to pray that we passed on suitable tools to enable them to make the right choices for themselves.  While my children are all, B”H, good people and I am very proud of each one of them, I still try to impart my views on them.  My intentions are honorable as I only want to protect them, to show them the truth as I see it, but it can have a negative effect. When I broached a related topic with my Spiritual Adviser/Rabbi, he wisely advised me to give them space and let them do their own soul-searching.  I suppose I just needed a little bit of encouragement to realize what I already knew in my heart.  It’s difficult for a Mom to let go, but with emuna, I understand it will all turn out the way it was intended through Hashem’s sacred plan.

The Torah is compared to a tree – “It is a Tree of Life for those who take hold of it, and those who support it are fortunate” (Proverb 3:18).  Similarly a family is analogous with a tree; we put down roots and grow as a solid entity, sprouting branches which provide a secure environment for our children, the blossoming fruit of our union.  If we graft the two trees together, Torah and marriage, under G-d’s Divine Light, we will produce the most splendid, shining apples within a forest full of blessings.

May it be Hashem’s Will that the coming year is sealed with bringing all the searching singles to the chuppah (wedding canopy) and may all the childless couples merit to bring more holy neshamot into the world to serve our Creator in a new world of peace, sanctity and delight!