Guidelines for Life

Translated from Rabbi Arush’s feature article in the weekly Chut shel Chessed newsletter. The articles focus on his main message: “Loving others as yourself”. 

The Strange Speech 

In one of Rabbi Nachman’s most famous stories, he tells of an old king who saw that his son was worthy of becoming king already, and he decided to crown him while he himself was still alive. It was a very moving and happy ceremony for the entire kingdom, and for the royal family as well.  

What surprised everyone was the king’s odd speech at the height of the festivities, given as the main address of the ceremony. In front of all the people, the king said thus to his son: 

“My dear son, I have the ability to tell the future. And I know that you will lose the throne. I wish to guide you as to how you should behave during that difficult time. Although it is a very difficult trial, which is enough to break anyone, I command you not to be sad at all; rather, to only be happy. And know, that if you will be sad – I will be happy that you are not king. Because if you will be sad, you will be showing that you are not worthy of the kingship; but if you will be happy during the difficult times – I will be in great happiness, above and beyond.” 

Four Questions 

This is the opening paragraph of a very long story. One can write whole volumes about it. but we will ask a few small questions to extract from it some simple messages for us.  

1. How can one be happy when one has lost all esteem and status? 
2. After all, it is natural to be sad at a time of crisis. If so, why, if a person becomes sad during a crisis, is he not worthy of being king? 
3. A very difficult question for me. Every father is distressed when his son is suffering. And here the old king is telling his beloved son: “If you will be sad – I will be happy that you are not king.” You would think a king would be doubly distressed: not only is his son going through a severe crisis and losing the throne, but he is also sad and broken – where is the fatherly feeling towards his son? How can the king be happy? 
4. Why did the king say these things to his son particularly at the coronation, at the happiest moment? 

What is Success? 

We will try to answer these questions, with Hashem’s help. 

First of all, this story is a parable about man’s life in this world. The Creator gave each person royal status, in other words, a role. And the Creator is always there, and sees how the person fulfills his role. 

How can one be happy when one loses the throne? The answer is that a person who lives the truth that the kingship does not belong to him will never feel that he has lost it. When the king remembers all the time that his royal status is bestowed upon him by the Creator, and that this is just a specific role and mission that the Creator has given him, and he does not feel that the kingship belongs to him – then when he falls from his high status he is not upset, because he knows that it was Hashem Who gave him the mission of a king, and now He is giving him a different mission. His success is not dependent on the kingship; rather, it depends only on doing the Creator’s will in every situation. 

If that is so, why is it so bad to be sad? Because the purpose of man and Creation is emuna. And emuna is not measured by times of success, but rather by times of failure and downfall. 

Only in such times is it demonstrated whether you are living with emuna or not. And since the prince is sad when he loses the crown, he is demonstrating that he thought the kingship belonged to him; he did not know to connect it all to Hashem, and that is evidence that he is very far from complete emuna; such a frame of mind is the opposite of his purpose and the purpose of Creation. 

How was the king happy when his son fell? True, the king is also a father, but he is first and foremost responsible for the kingdom and wants the good of the people and the world. He crowned his son because he believed that his son was worthy of it, but if his son is not living in emuna and does not demonstrate emuna in his behavior, then his son is a king who is harmful to the people and the world. 

And why is the old king saying this at the coronation ceremony? Because to withstand such a difficult trial, one must start working on oneself from the moment of the coronation. The guidance the king is giving does not relate only to the moment of the crisis, but is a practical guidance relating to the entire period of kingship. The young king must internalize, be familiar with, and remind himself daily that he is only an agent of the Creator, and that the kingship does not belong to him.  

Withstanding the trial is dependent on this understanding. 

Happy in Every Situation 

Last week, we wrote that emuna equals gratitude. Emuna is to see that the Creator is good and does only good. Only someone who is grateful to the Creator every day of his life – only he is really living the reality that everything belongs to the Creator of the world and only he can be joyous all the time, including during difficult times, times of failure.  

Life is full of difficult times. When everything is going well, one’s emuna is not expressed – you cannot know how much emuna you have.  

Only at a moment of failure and difficulty does it become apparent how much emuna a person has. But the preparation for those moments of downfall takes place every day. Every day that you give heartfelt thanks to Hashem for the good and the bad, you acquire more and more emuna that will be there for you during difficult times.  

And if you encounter a difficult time, chalila, and you do not manage to be happy – you should actually be even happier, because you are being shown by Heaven that you lack emuna, and you are being guided to focus on the main goal for which you have come into this world.  

Practically speaking, If I want to live a genuinely happy life, in any situation, I must understand that I must want only one thing from life: emuna. 

Nothing else interests me – not kingship nor success, nor good health or sustenance. I want only emuna. My success is in holding on to my emuna. Any success that lacks emuna is a failure; and any failure that contains emuna is a success! 

What About Justice? 

Parasha Shlach deals with the Sin of the Spies. When the Jewish people cried needlessly, which was the absolute opposite of gratitude (which equals emuna) – they demonstrated that they were not worthy of getting the Land of Israel, nor of having a beit mikdash (Temple). They themselves, then, decreed for themselves a crying for all generations. 

Chazal teach us that Hashem said to the Jews: “You cried needlessly, so I will decree for you a crying for generations.” I always asked: Isn’t this out of proportion? What happened here? they sinned one sin and will pay for it with unending suffering for generation upon generation, for thousands of years?! What about justice and integrity? 

But according to what we explained here, the crying for generations is not a punishment, but rather a direct result. If you cry and you are not able to see the good and believe in the Creator – you are determining for yourself a life of crying and suffering.  

And, on the flip side, the good is five hundred times more powerful than the bad: If you believe in the Creator and thank Him constantly for the good and the bad, and you have a set time every day to thank Hashem and pray for ever-expanding emuna – you yourself, with your own hands, are paving the way to a good and happy life, a life of joy and happiness, regardless of conditions. 

We will end with an especially important message that can be learned from the beginning of the story we brought above. The king tells his son: “If you will be happy during the difficult times – I will be in great happiness, above and beyond.”  

Because there is nothing that is more pleasing to Hashem than the demonstration of emuna in every situation!