Runaway Train
Like a runaway train, we sometimes feel like our lives are out of control, about to crash into the brick wall at the end of the tunnel; we must do something…
“A soft reply turns away anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t have ‘one of those days’ once in awhile. Even if we understand intellectually that all of life’s frustrating annoyances are really the Hand of G-d, it can be extremely difficult to stop and look at the situation in the proper light. We react in the moment and let our emotions get the better of us. Whether it is our unjustly demanding boss, our screaming baby or the phone call regarding an unpaid bill, it’s often a challenge to keep our cool. And when several of these incidents provoked by the yetzer hara (evil inclination) come crashing down on our head all at once, it can take more than a little determination and strength to defy the odds of losing it. Then, to make matters worse, instead of getting a calming, compassionate reaction from our spouse, he or she somehow manages to throw tinder on the fire.
Like a runaway train, we sometimes feel like our lives are out of control, about to crash into the brick wall at the end of the tunnel. The problem is, that’s exactly what will happen if we don’t diffuse the tension immediately. By allowing ourselves to lose our self-restraint, we are just creating more troubles for ourselves. Being angry with any situation is essentially being angry with G-d since He is in complete control of every minute detail. Complaining is the worst possible thing we can do and will only invoke more severe problems. So how can we ever overcome these feelings before they push us over the edge?Each time we feel a wave of anger coming on, step back and take a deep breath. This is the first step in the 3-second rule. This provides the opening to reflect on strengthening our emuna. But sometimes we need some practical tools to help us on that path as well. One great way to change our mood is to smile. A smile has the ability to make a person look happy, feel happy and BE happy. It may seem silly, but no matter how dismal things appear, try to put on a smile and you will see how different things look when the frown is turned upside down. Since people are emotional creatures, by appealing to their inner sensitivity, a composed reaction can extinguish rage as effortlessly as water on a burning ember. And when a genuine smile is added, the yetzer hara doesn’t have a chance. Take an example from our beloved Rabbis, Rav Shalom Arush, shlita and Rav Lazer Brody, shlita. Their smiles are infectious and brought about by a deep level of emuna we can only dream of achieving.
Dealing with unruly children can be a very complex matter. They have a knack of pushing a parent to the limit, yet if we remain calm, we will not only be saving our own souls, but the precious neshamas of our young ones as well. When a child acts up, it is a prime opportunity to teach him the values of love and compassion, rather than criticism and antagonism. If we expect our Heavenly Father to give us the benefit of the doubt and treat us with empathy, is it not fitting for us to do the same for those tender souls entrusted to us?
Singing can also bring a positive change to the environment. Rebbe Nachman, zt’l taught that music has the power to draw a person closer to G-d, to make us happy and even sweeten harsh judgments against us. He said “It is good to make a habit of inspiring yourself with a melody”. This is a tried and true recipe for joy.
A more serious but sure-fire way of foiling the plans of the yetzer hara is hitbodedut (personal prayer). It’s not always possible, but taking leave of the situation as quickly as possible to speak with Hashem is guaranteed to reverse any stern sentences which are already in effect. Since it states in the Gemara that there are no tribulations without prior transgressions, all of these irritating occurrences are none other than Heavenly verdicts being carried out. Considering this, we must thank Hashem for the current difficulties and resolve to correct our ways. With a little introspection, we may find that the present difficulty is actually a blessing in disguise. As Rabbi Lazer Brody teaches, if we are unable to figure out what we did wrong, we should ask for insight and failing that, ask for forgiveness despite our lack of clarity. Only then should we beseech Hashem for a respite from the decree. Regardless of the outcome, one will come away from a dialogue with G-d in a much happier and healthier frame of mind.
G-d has provided us with another very beautiful and meaningful means of relief from our day to day troubles; Shabbat. While on one hand it is a commandment which we are obligated to observe, it is also primarily for our benefit. As with other mitzvot, we see Hashem’s Divine attributes overflowing with omniscience and compassion. Shabbat is a time when serenity and joy abound; with good food, guests, songs and prayer, who could ask for more than this taste of paradise? Since we are forbidden from participating in or talking about anything related to the weekdays on Shabbat, we are completely free of worry. (With true emuna, we can actually be free of worry 7 days a week). It is said that the more effort one puts into preparing for Shabbat, the more enjoyable Shabbat will be. And similarly, the tone set by one’s Shabbat reveals the essence of the following week. So if stress escalates chaotically on Friday, Erev Shabbat, as it occasionally does, it’s important to nip it in the bud.
May the day soon come when we will no longer be confronted with such distressful tests of our willpower and emuna. As we implore Hashem daily in the Shemonah Esrei prayers “Behold our affliction, take up our grievance and redeem us speedily for your Name’s sake”. And may the next train we board be the holy train to the new rebuilt Beit HaMikdash!
8/16/2010
Beautiful and Meaningful Blog! I really like the title. Sometimes my life really does feel like a runaway train. And you are right, complaining and regurgitating everything that is wrong only makes the pressure and anger double. Reading some Tehillim, remembering that Hashem is our Father in Heaven and He will look after us,is a great calming tool. Thank-you for the 3 second rule. I will use it the next time I really want to explode!
8/16/2010
I really like the title. Sometimes my life really does feel like a runaway train. And you are right, complaining and regurgitating everything that is wrong only makes the pressure and anger double. Reading some Tehillim, remembering that Hashem is our Father in Heaven and He will look after us,is a great calming tool. Thank-you for the 3 second rule. I will use it the next time I really want to explode!