“A Crazy Breslever, No!”
The urgent letter of a Litvishe Kollel student in America who began to learn Breslever books. When his wife discovered, she exploded. Now...
Dear Rabbi Lazer,
After a long period of spiritual stagnation when I felt that my learning and my davening were like stale bread, I started reading the works of Rebbe Nachman of Breslev. They make me feel great, and I’ve been learning things I never learned in Yeshiva, especially about the importance of kedusha-type stuff. My wife found “Rebbe Nachman’s Advice” in my car, and she went crazy, yelling over and over, “I married a yeshivishe Talmid Chochom and not a meshugunna Breslever. I don’t want a freak that goes yelling in the hills and leaves his wife. A crazy Breslever, no! Not for me,”and all kinds of other junk – I’m sure you get the picture. She told her parents, and now they’re on my case too. I’ve had more insult in the last 10 days than I’ve had all my life. What’s going on? Am I doing the right thing? Please respond urgently. Regards, GV, Flatbush
* * *
Dear GV,
More than penitence, the Evil Inclination fears a tzaddik, a truly righteous man who is capable of serving as a spiritual guide. The task of a spiritual guide is to help a person get close to Hashem. Also, achieving inner peace is impossible without getting close to Hashem. The Evil Inclination desires to perpetuate confusion and turmoil in a person’s life, comforting the person with cheap material thrills. One who lacks inner peace will never achieve life’s true purpose, and will never make the needed corrections necessary in order to assure eternal bliss in the world to come. Therefore, the Evil Inclination will do anything to keep a person away from a tzaddik, especially a tzaddik of Rebbe Nachman’s stature. The Evil Inclination (Yetzer Hara) will gladly allow a person to spend his entire days in the office, on the golf course, or in a pub – so long as he keeps clear of the tzaddik.
If a person remains undaunted by the Evil Inclination’s tactics, and makes an effort to reach a true tzaddik (not necessarily in the physical sense, but through learning and implementing the tzaddik’s teachings) then he should be prepared for a bombardment of verbal abuse – from parents, friends, coworkers, spouse, and so forth – exactly like what you’ve been suffering from lately. Don’t forget – the reward is well worth the suffering.
Rebbe Nathan of Breslev teaches (Likutei Halachot, Or Hachaim, Birkat Perot 5:11), that one must first suffer tremendous verbal abuse before establishing a genuine relationship with a truly righteous man. The suffering of the verbal abuse in essence enables a person to spiritually cling to the true tzaddik. A true tzaddik can mend the souls of those who cling to him.
The Evil Inclination thinks he’s discouraging a person from approaching a tzaddik by sending him verbal abuse. Hashem utilizes that same verbal abuse to tie the person to a genuine spiritual guide, so ultimately, the person makes tremendous spiritual growth and gets closer to Hashem.
I therefore suggest you bite the bullet for the meantime, but continue learning Rebbe Nachman’s works in your own quiet manner, without needlessly flaunting them in your in-laws’ faces. Just the other day, I wrote someone that when G-d is pleased with someone, then others are too. Continue your spiritual gain, and translate it into improved faith, prayer, learning, and especially improved behavior toward your wife. Real Breslever Chassidim never comment, criticize, or complain to or about their wives. When a wife feels loved, respected, and secure, not only will compliments and admiration will replace the verbal abuse, but she’ll start learning Breslever books too.
Your wife is 100% right in not wanting a crazy Breslever that yells in the hills and leaves his wife. Sure, we go to the field for an hour a day, but sixty minutes of teshuva, soul-searching, and talking to Hashem just makes us more kind and considerate husbands.
Don’t give up – this is a test on your faith. I’m sure you’ll pass it with flying colors. Blessings always, Lazer Brody
* * *
GV’s wife was out of bounds
In my letter to GV, I made no reference to his wife. But, her actions could potentially destroy her own marriage, as I’ve seen in tens of other cases. As a case to learn from, we should all look at the serious mistake she made by running to her parents and telling tales about her husband. Such tale-carrying is forbidden by Torah (issur Rechilut), and fatal to her husband’s image in the eyes of her parents. The wife should have respectfully approached her husband only.
It is now the duty of Mrs. GV to repair the damage, and I strongly suggest she do it before Rosh Hashanah. She needs to do 3 things: 1. Ask Hashem’s forgiveness; 2. Ask her husband’s forgiveness; and 3. Rebuild her husband’s image in her parents’ eyes. A smart wife will always encourage her husband to learn more Torah; but, if the husband is learning as much as he can, a wife is out-of-bounds about mixing in what her husband is learning. Let each partner concentrate on perfecting himself or herself before looking for faults in the other side.
Glossary
Talmid Chochom – Torah scholar
meshuggena – crazy
yeshivishe – Torah seminary style
tzaddik – righteous man and spiritual guide
kedusha – holiness
kollel – married men’s Yeshiva
Tell us what you think!
Thank you for your comment!
It will be published after approval by the Editor.