A Home Where The Sun Always Shines
“You need to see your good points and know that you’re good.” “I’m good?” she asked. “I’m full of transgressions, blemishes, and sadness...
“You need to see your good points and know that you’re good.” “I’m good?” she asked. “I’m full of transgressions, blemishes, and sadness. I scream at my children; I’m destroying them, and driving my husband crazy. What’s good about me?”
Women’s Joy
Jewish women are very precious in Hashem’s eyes. The Jewish world depends on their many unique capabilities – their pure faith, their self-sacrifice, the heartfelt prayers, their wisdom, and much more.
Because women play such an important role, the Evil Inclination challenges them with feelings of sadness and despair, which, God forbid, have the ability to destroy all that she has built.
That’s why it’s so important to learn to overcome destructive emotions. But before learning how to overcome these destructive emotions, let’s take a look at Queen Esther.
Esther in the Palace
Esther was taken to the royal palace several years before Haman’s evil decree. She and Mordechai had no idea that her being there would play such an important role in the Jewish People’s redemption. It appeared that the king’s servants had kidnapped Esther (who, according to many commentators was Mordechai’s wife) for no reason.
Esther was seventy years old when she was kidnapped and brought to the house of an idol worshiping king. We can imagine how traumatic that must have been for her, a God-fearing woman raised in holiness and purity. The future held two possibilities, both horrifying: she would either be Achashverosh’s wife or his mistress!
Queen Esther’s situation appeared hopeless. She had every right to become depressed, to think, “Hashem is angry with me. The fact that such a thing happened proves that I am wicked, because if I were righteous, Hashem would have never done this to me.”
It must have been very difficult for Esther to remain strong, to continue thinking positively. Yet, she succeeded, and because she succeeded she had the privilege of redeeming the Jewish People. If she had wallowed in depression there would be no Book of Esther and no Purim!
When Esther was kidnapped, Mordechai also experienced a similar test. It would have been equally easy for him to become depressed and think, “Hashem is angry with me. The fact that such a thing happened proves that I am wicked, because if I were righteous, Hashem would have never done this to me.”
If Mordechai and Esther had become depressed, our history would have been drastically altered!
How did Esther derive the strength to face this ordeal?
She strengthened herself in the simplest way possible – with emuna, faith. She told herself: “Since I am here, it means that it’s God’s Will that I be here! This is where He wants me to serve Him. Perhaps He wants me to elevate holy sparks that fell to the lowliest places, or perhaps there is another reason that I cannot comprehend. God has His reasons for putting me here, so I’ll strengthen myself and serve Him as best I can!”
Mordechai also chose to strengthen himself and was therefore worthy of redeeming the Jewish People. These two righteous people had the privilege of saving their brethren because they remained strong and continued to serve Hashem under such difficult conditions.
From Mordechai and Esther, we see how much we must strengthen ourselves in every situation, no matter how difficult or unpleasant. Whether it be in the palace of a heathen king, or in my mother-in-law’s kitchen, it’s up to us to remain strong and not become depressed. We can learn to serve Hashem everywhere. And when we strengthen ourselves, and learn to serve Hashem despite the difficult surroundings, we are giving Hashem tremendous pleasure.
Beyond the Realm of Space
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov writes (Likutey Moharan 56):
When a person has a heart, it makes no difference where he is. On the contrary, “He is the space of the universe, and the world is not His space.” For Divinity is in the heart, as it is written (Tehillim 73): “God is the Rock of my heart.” Concerning Hashem it is written (Shemot 33): “The place is with Me”— He is the space of the world, and the world is not His space. [in other words, each person carries a spark of Divinity within him. Hashem is beyond the limits of time and place. Hashem carries the world within him, and is not limited to the world. Therefore, if we focus on the Divine spark within us, we, too, are not limited by our location. editor] Therefore, a person with a Jewish heart should never say that a certain place is not good before Him, for Hashem is beyond the concept of place. On the contrary, He is the place of the world, and the world is not His place.
Although Queen Esther found herself in a horrible place, and in a terrible situation, with her pure faith she was able to elevate herself to attain Divine Inspiration, as Rebbe Nachman wrote, “When a person has a heart, it makes no difference where he is.”
Blaming is Destructive
Because women are so involved with the practicalities of life, they tend to compare themselves to others, and blame themselves when things go wrong, which, in turn, can often lead to depression.
A woman complained to her Rabbi, “I can’t do anything. I can’t recite Tehillim. I can’t even pray! What does Hashem want from me? Why doesn’t He let me serve Him? What do I have to repent for?”
The Rabbi answered, “Hashem doesn’t want anything from you. He is very happy with you and proud of you! It’s only that you aren’t satisfied with yourself and you blame yourself all day long. Now you’re not even able to say a chapter of Tehillim because of your depression. Hashem only wants you to smile and make yourself happy.
“But how can I smile and be happy?” she asked. “I’m terrible. I scream at my kids and drive my husband crazy. What’s good about me?”
The Rabbi answered, “But you are good. You do lots of mitzvot, and desire to serve Hashem. Say out loud, ‘I am good.’”
The woman began to stutter. She could not say those words; she was accustomed to blaming herself and searching for her faults. She had almost no self-esteem.
The Rabbi spoke to her for a long time until finally she smiled and said, “I am good.” Afterwards, he taught her the proper way to do hitbodedut and to look for and appreciate her good points. She returned home a different person.
Reb Natan wrote:
“One’s joy should increase each time he finds another good point of Jewish holiness within himself. This will give him vitality and the joy he feels will cause him to pray, sing, and thank Hashem, as it is written (Tehillim 146): `I will sing to my God be’odi, while I exist.’ The expression be’odi connotes that he finds within himself a bit more (od) goodness and that he is not wicked. By using the good points, he can sing and thank Hashem. The verse said azamra, I will sing, to teach that taking the good points, as above, creates the songs and melodies.
“Our Rebbe advised us to live our lives according to this Torah, for it is essential for anyone who wants to become close to Hashem, and not lose his world all together, God forbid. The reason most people who are distant from Hashem is because they are depressed. Through looking at what they have ruined with their bad deeds, each one according to what he knows about himself, they fall into the pit of depression and completely give up on themselves. As a result, they stop praying with kavanah (intent) and stop doing whatever good they had been doing before…
“Whenever we fall into depression, even if it’s because of the evil we’ve done, it’s still a fall, and it leads to despair… Therefore we must strengthen ourselves greatly to follow this Torah (Rebbe Nachman’s advice) and constantly search within ourselves for even the tiniest point of goodness, etc., as we said above. Through this he will enliven himself and rejoice, and still hope for salvation, and he can pray, sing, and thank God, as it is written: ‘Azamra, I will sing to my God beodi.’ Thus he will be privileged to truly return to Hashem” (Torah 282).
Hitbodedut
When we do hitbodedut, we should begin by searching for our good points, so we can sing to Hashem, as explained in Likutey Moharan 54:
“He should seclude himself with his Creator, and converse with Hashem; a heartfelt conversation, and search for the good spirit, which are the good points that he still has. He should separate them from the evil spirit, and this is the aspect of song… And then he can pour out his heart like water before Hashem… as it is written: ‘Pour out your heart like water opposite Hashem’s countenance.’
“‘With my heart I shall converse and my spirit shall be sought’ This means we are aroused to converse with our heart about our eternal purpose in the World to Come, and to search for and seek to find the good points, the aspect of the good spirit within, in order to return to Hashem by this means. For the main thing of repentance is to subdue the evil spirit, and to separate the good spirit, as is known.”
Before we can begin to think about making a spiritual accounting, we should first separate the good from the bad, and this is through searching for our good points and rejoicing in them. Only when we have a good spirit – joy and happiness – can we start the other aspects of hitbodedut – thankfulness, repentance, a spiritual accounting, and rectifying character traits.
But until we are happy with ourselves, we must focus solely on searching for our good points. This is what Hashem wants of us. God wants us to be joyful before we can start repentance, as Rebbe Nachman wrote (Likutey Moharan 48), that even if a man is really full of blemishes, etc., at the beginning of his repentance it is forbidden for him to be sad. The first step in repentance is to find the good within ourselves.
May Hashem grant joy to the Jewish women and to the entire Jewish People. May we all discover the good within us, and, in that zechut (merit), attain complete repentance.
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