Tears or Fears

Want to see improvement in your child or teen? Start praying for them! Only Hashem decides what path they will take. The heavy influence of peers might alter the path you want for your child. To ensure they go in the best path a parent needs to pray daily for their success.

Nothing protects them 100 percent from bad influences. Even in top, big-name yeshivas, there have been incidents of kids falling aside. No one is safe; but according to Rabbi Shalom Arush and other top tzadikim, parents’ best bet lies within their ability to pray for their child.

Prayer can be a difficult thing just like exercise. If it’s something you are not used to doing, in the beginning it hurts and is time consuming. You also don’t see your end-result right away. But through consistent diligent effort you will see fruit to your efforts. Hang on and don’t give up so fast. Everyone needs to do this and not just for the trouble maker kid, for the winner as well.

Getting your kids to grow up normal is hard enough; all the more is getting them into an emuna lifestyle. We want our kids to see the good in everything but to merit such a thing requires mom and dad to open their mouths in prayer. Hashem wants us to be close and grateful for what we have, not stick up our nose and say we did it on our own. If you don’t pray and instead, take all the credit, Hashem has plenty of ways to make your kid stumble up to bring you back to him. Let’s avoid that.

According to Rabbi Shalom Arush the main technique is to pray. He is in favor of techniques just so long as the parent realizes that each technique is meant for a different child. What works for one may not work for the other. The reason for this is because each of our children have different soul corrections to do. Discipline may be great for one child yet totally ineffective for another. Perhaps the other one needs more encouragement.

Many of us have been fortunate enough to open savings accounts for the kids in the future. Rabbi Arush says that we open another savings account – a prayer account. He stresses that parents’ prayers for the success of their children with heartfelt tears will guide and protect them throughout their lives. If we are emuna parents, this means we do this daily; it’s a necessity.

It’s never too late to start helping them, just pray. Rabbi Arush says, “People who know how to pray at the right time (when things are good and going well), save themselves many tears down the road.”

We all know how vulnerable our kids are. Hours upon hours, we have no idea what our kid is doing. All day long at school, after school activities, Shabbat evening, and daily hangouts might be danger zones of losing attachment. Don’t let that happen. Pray for them to follow the Torah and to love prayer. Pray for them to know the difference between good and evil in all situations. Pray for them to not have evil influences! Pray for them to be connected to you more than their friends.

A few months ago, I felt that my boy and I were not attaching. The long hours of school and work challenged our connection. Rabbi Arush puts such a big emphasis on praying for our children with tears.

I had an idea, I brought a picture of my boy when he was a month old to the synagogue. Just before the standing prayer I slipped the picture into my siddur. To arouse my emotions, I glimpsed at his picture. I saw how little he was, so precious and how much he had already gone through in three years. It made a huge impact on how I prayed and found myself pouring tears for him.

Try to take this message to heart and find three separate moments to sit down with some baby pictures. Try to feel those moments all over again as if you were right there. Get to a place of warmth and bring yourself to pray from that emotional state. Bring tissues and a journal to write down your thoughts!