Decked Out with Love

Translated from Rabbi Arush’s feature article in the weekly Chut shel Chessed newsletter. The articles focus on his main message: “Loving others as yourself” and emuna. 

Only One Thing is Missing 

In that conversation he heard what is perhaps one of the saddest things a father can hear from his own children. There was much preparation and excitement before this wedding. Everything looked so perfect, and yet, very soon afterwards, the couple had to separate. 

The bride’s parents took it very hard. The father spoke to the daughter openly and listened as she told him her feelings. “Father, even before my shidduchim began, I made a whole long and serious list of what I want to have in my shidduch. And this shidduch fulfilled them all! No exception! He is really a good person. But there was one thing I forgot to write, and it was not present. I forgot to write that I should be happy. Everything was perfect, but I was not happy. There was no love there… 

If there is no love – there is nothing.  

Love Before All 

The Torah and mitzvot are a list of demands – demands of the Creator of the World from us. But it is not enough to go along with all those demands, because even if all of them are fulfilled, that is not the main thing; it is possible that the main thing will be lacking. There is one central and main demand that if it is not present, there is nothing: Love! 

Therefore, the main mitzvah that we repeat in the morning and in the evening in Kriyat Shema is “You shall love!” Love Hashem wholeheartedly, with all one’s strength, to the point of complete devotion. 

How is it possible to love Hashem? Only by knowing that Hashem loves you. We will now explain. 

If you have a policeman supervising all your actions and punishing you for every criminal act – you can indeed be super-careful to stay within the law, but you will never be able to love the policeman. If Hashem is a king that imposes laws upon you – it is possible, of course, to obey the Legislator, but is it possible to love Him?  

In contrast to that, loving fathers and mothers set many boundaries and rules for their children, and in every healthy home there are rules and laws – but above all that there is a canopy of overwhelming love, and the children always love their parents because they know and feel that the parents are doing it all out love. 

When children are born, first of all they are loved, and no demands are made on them, because the love comes before all the demands. In our relationship with Hashem, it is the same: Hashem’s love of us and our love of Hashem is the essence of the relationship.  

A “burden” is not exactly love; kingship also doesn’t necessarily include love. And therefore, when you accept the yoke of Heaven upon yourself you must remember immediately that the yoke itself is not what one aspires for. Rather, what one aspires for is love, and we continue right away with “And you shall love…” That is why Chazal wrote a blessing to be said in preparation for Kriyat Shema, a blessing that is suffused with love, reminding us how much Hashem loves us! 

Children of Avraham Who Loved Me 

That was the tremendous light that Avraham Avinu brought into the world: Avraham who loved Me! 

There were righteous people and believers even before Avraham. But Avraham Avinu had the merit to upgrade faith to its utmost: To believe with complete emuna (faith) that Hashem yitbarach always loves him – and, that being so, he not only believed in Hashem, and not only obeyed Him, and not only was he a whole, straight, and G-d fearing person, but he was a ohev Hashem – someone who loved Hashem! 

That is why Hashem chose him to be the father of the Jewish People, because the Jewish people are not just a believing nation, rather, they are Hashem’s children, a nation that loves Hashem. We are a nation that Hashem loves very, very much – and when we will truly know that we will be able to love him in return, and that is our purpose: to love Hashem truly. 

Do Not Be Like Servants 

Any service of Hashem performed out of fear or awe is incomplete. It is a service that is far from the true daat (understanding, knowledge) and it is an “unworthy” (!) service, as the Rambam says: 

“A person should not say, ‘I am doing the mitzvot of the Torah and am engaged in its wisdom so that I will receive all the blessings that are written in it or so that I will merit life in the World to Come, and I will refrain from the transgressions that the Torah warns us about so that I will be saved from the curses that are written in the Torah or that I will not be cut off from life in the World to Come. It is not right to serve Hashem that way, for he who serves Hashem that way is serving out of fear and that is not the level of the prophets nor of the Sages. Only the ignorant and the women and the young children serve Hashem that way; they are educated to serve out of fear until they grow in their daat and be able to serve out of love.” ¹ 

That means that even a person who serves Hashem wholly, learns Torah and fulfills all the mitzvot – if it’s not out of love, it is an unworthy service. Truly frightening! 

Because You are our Father 

On the other hand, in the next section, the Rambam writes thus: 

“He who serves out of love, engages in Torah and mitzvot and walks in the ways of wisdom – not because of anything in the world, and not because fearing the bad and not in order to inherit the good; rather, he does what is true because it is true and because of that the good will come in the end. And that level is a very high one and not every sage merits it. and that is the level of Avraham Avinu, whom Hashem called ‘his lover’, since he served only out of love. And that is the level that the Holy One, Blessed Be He, commanded us, via Moshe, to reach, as it says: “You shall love Hashem, your G-d.” and when a person loves Hashem with the right love, he will immediately fulfill all the mitzvot out of love.” ² 

One must note the fact that the Rambam says that the level of he who serves out love is a rare level, which “not every sage merits it”, only rare tzaddikim like Avraham Avinu. If so, how is every Jew expected to reach such levels? As the Rambam says immediately after, that that is the mitzvah that we were commanded to do by Moshe Rabbeinu. That means that every Jew is obligated to reach that level! Is Hashem expecting us to be on such high levels?! 

But clearly, Avraham Avinu is not any old tzaddik who existed in the past and merited whatever he merited – rather he is Avinu – our father. In other words, we are his direct descendants, and Avraham Avinu exists and acts within every one of us. Just like in the material world the father’s genetics act and are apparent in all his descendants, so too in spiritual matters our Avot are not just the founders of the nation, and not just figures from the times of old, but they implanted their traits in us.  

And when Avraham Avinu reached the level of ahavat Hashem, he acted so that in each and every one of us there is immense love for Hashem that is just waiting to be revealed and realized.  

Love With All its Joys 

That is the meaning of “All of the Ketuvim are kodesh (holy), and Shir Hashirim (the Song of Songs) is kodesh kodashim.” What is kodesh kodashim? It is the most inner part of the Mikdash – the highest and most hidden thing in holiness. And, in the same measure, Shir Hashirim (the Song of Songs), too, which deals wholly in the boundless love, to the point of extinction, between Yisrael and their Father in Heaven – that is the inner place of the inner place, and the deepest and most hidden point in all of Judaism.  

And now that we are waiting so much for the complete Geula (Redemption), we really want to discover complete emuna! We cannot make do only with a low level of service of Hashem in order to be saved from the bad or in order to gain some material or spiritual benefit; rather, we must demand and ask for the ability to serve Hashem out of love, which is in itself the greatest pleasure, …., and is itself the deepest realization of the personality of every creature in this world! 

¹ Hilchot Teshuvah, Chapter 10, Halachah 1 

² Hilchot Teshuvah, Chapter 10, Halachah 2