Body First or Soul First

I was beyond ready for a nap. Everything in my body was screaming at me to go lie down and sleep. It was 10am and I’d only been awake since 8am.

 

“Weird,” I thought and shook my head. This new routine is so weird to me.

 

My old routine – the one I’m super comfortable with and rather enjoyed – had me up at 5am for a couple hours of work before everyone else woke up.  I would spend hours upon hours at my desk, pumping out work every day. A break for dinner and, after family bed times, I would put in another few hours. But I’m going to be completely honest with you here – the work was not important. Truly. I constantly had a list that was pages long of projects, tasks, and appointments that I “needed” to do. I’m a master at being busy – real or fabricated (hello social media, I’m talking to you). But the important work, the work I needed to do to be successful in my career, could have been done in a few hours each day. I filled the rest of my time up with shallow work.

 

Shallow. I’ve spent years doing shallow work – keeping myself busy in order to avoid the real work, the spiritual work, of my life. I’ve done this in order to avoid my life mission… one which requires being. Being quiet. Being aware. Being in communication with Hashem.

 

I’m great at doing. Being, though, requires stepping far outside my comfort zone.

 

2017 was a year of massive messages from Hashem. In February, I was humbled to receive a blessing from Rabbi Arush in person in Texas. This came just one day after passing out in front of my work associates at a corporate event. Probably needless to say, Rabbi Arush’s blessing had nothing to do with encouraging me to do more of that work. He was helping to awaken me to something deeper.

 

The messages kept coming all year long. I’m quite certain Hashem tried other methods of sending me messages, but I was so busy I didn’t pick up. The physical challenges were much more effective. At least then I would look up from my busy work and ask Him what the message was…. If only to get distracted by the latest notice on my phone. Ooops… work needs me, I’ll get back to hitbodedut (personal prayer) later.

 

The year ended with a miracle of losing my (secular) job AND being offered a new position (in the emuna world!) basically on the same day. I started the new job (which required much less of my time) AND I still kept doing the shallow “work”. I was STILL sitting at my desk for hours upon hours, making myself busy. Despite the fact that I absolutely knew this was not the plan Hashem had for my time.

 

But being busy was so easy. I didn’t have to be vulnerable. I kept protesting the place where I knew Hashem was lovingly directing me.

 

And so, as we moved into spring of 2018, Hashem started sending more physical messages. Ones that affected my day to day life, my ability to sit for hours, my ability to think, my ability to walk, my ability to keep myself too busy for deep spiritual work.

 

I received a diagnosis from the doctor, of a chronic disease. I felt relief. Treatment plan in hand, I marched myself back to my old routine–only to find Hashem had said “enough”.

 

Enough being busy for the sake of being busy. If I would not stop wasting my time of my own accord with trivial pursuits, He would do it for me.

 

I now find myself in a new situation. One in which I cannot rely on the strength of my body to keep me going, keep me busy, keep me distracted. I’m in a unique situation to make a fresh start – to work on my spiritual connection–in order to heal my body and achieve my mission in this life.

 

This time of physical challenge has been a huge blessing, as it is allowing me to restart how I move through this world – body first or soul first.

 

Hashem is talking to us every day. The messages are there if only we have the emuna, the faith, to hear them, and the willingness to act on and modify our actions.

 

Take the time, even just 5 minutes, and check in with Hashem each day. He is waiting to talk with you, waiting to help you move through this world, soul first.

 

 

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Want to talk emuna? Jennifer invites you to participate in a regularly held on-line study group that reviews the garden series books of Rabbi Arush. You can contact her at jenniferjwoodward@gmail.com.