Make the Peace, Bro

You and your wife are setting the example of what a true marriage is to your children. Although it has its share of extreme tests, the good news is that you will reap what you sow if you do it right.

Children love role models when it comes to sports and movies. But the most important sustaining and holy role model a man makes for his child is being a superb husband. It is essential that a man strengthen himself in this area, especially by giving family the highest priority. By doing so he lays the foundation for his children's marital future and happiness.

Any man can tell you that putting off his own agendas for his wife in her time of need pays big dividends. We have a problem though because the list seems endless. She needs help with the groceries and the kids. Then there are the daily errands and the crying baby in the middle of night. We haven’t even started talking about our own responsibilities to make money and fulfill the prayer requirements all day. There is no doubt that you have your work cut out for you. How are you going to get all this done and also grow in your Torah learning?

To keep the house in order and promote a peaceful vibe, a man needs to read the first sentence of Rabbi Shalom Arush’s marital guide, The Garden of Peace: “Know full well the most important thing in the service of Hashem is shalom bayit – peace in the home; here a husband must invest all his efforts.” When you have conflicting ideas on what to do–learn, pray, work extra hours, hang out with friends, etc., ask yourself, am I giving the marriage first place? This is especially true in the first year of marriage when, in order to develop love between himself and his bride, Jewish Law rules that a man doesn’t need to go to war. By giving the marriage first place, your kids will be less self-centered and grow into people who care for others–an important lesson, particularly for the “Me” generation.

A man needs to remember that, when confronted with an opportunity to help his wife, he should jump on it. The main point in Torah is the action, not only learning. In the first paragraph of The Garden of Peace it states, “A common misconception is that attending to a wife’s needs is a waste of time, especially Torah learning time. The opposite is true. Peace in the home is a person’s most important mitzvah.” With that in mind, start putting more effort into actions that will increase the peace. Don’t worry about learning less; by making things golden with her she’ll be pushing you to learn more. What do you want–learning with her blessing, or the opposite? In essence you as the husband decide.

The material goods that we amass in this world are not everlasting. The Mercedes or mansion are here today and gone tomorrow. One thing we all share is that we all leave this Earth. Our greatest success is leaving behind children who walk in the path of G-d’s Torah.  By investing our efforts in educating ourselves and praying to live peacefully with our spouse, we reap the rewards of the World to Come even in this world. Rabbi Yehuda Zev Leibowitz of blessed memory was the teacher and mentor of Rabbi Shalom Arush; before he died he told his closest followers that anyone who follows four principles in his family is guaranteed that no harm will come to them during the final redemption of our people. Try applying them in your house today!

Help people;

Be merciful;

Give in;

Don’t yell at anyone.

Homework:

Make the peace, bro! For the next three weeks keep all of this in mind:

Invest your efforts in helping and loving your wife.

Try to cancel something if you see it will make her happy.

Go out of your way for her.

Try this for three weeks and see what happens!

May you speedily merit true peace in your home and may your children walk in the path of emuna, AMEN!