Smartly Dressed

Whenever there’s a Jew in the media headlines, I read the story. I’m always curious to see the Divine Providence that exists in the life of every Jew regardless of how far he is from God. I’m also hoping to see that the actions of a fellow Jew will bring our nation nachas and not humiliation, heaven forbid. Finally, what lessons can be learned from analyzing the actions of our spiritual brothers and sisters? Although we can never know the complete story, we are expected to draw intelligent conclusions to the best of our ability.

During the High Holidays, a very well-known Jewish movie producer was fired from his own company for sexual misconduct.  He was accused of abusing his professional power to force unwanted attention on women trying to make it in Hollywood. Apparently it was going on for years. So many actresses are coming out with stories describing his despicable behavior. His reputation is now in tatters, his wife left him and all his Hollywood cronies have turned away. Every sordid detail of his misbehavior has been revealed and his daughter called 911 claiming he was acting suicidal.

Once again the world watches a man be destroyed by his evil inclination. Unwilling to control his animal nature, he surrendered his personal integrity, his professional accomplishments and the good of his family. He went from being fawned over and feared to rejected and reviled in one day and all the money in the world can’t bring back his glory. What a humongous price to pay for pleasure and power! How anyone can afflict himself on someone else boggles the mind. Where is his self-respect? Where is his respect towards others? What an embarrassment for the Jews!

A well-known fashion designer, also Jewish, upon hearing the accusations, remarked that women should examine the ways in which they present themselves by dressing seductively; what message they are conveying to the world and to men in particular. This fashion designer was chastised harshly for “blaming the victims” especially since she herself designs immodest clothing, but I agree with her and will add this as well: any woman that enters the movie business has to know the risks. Any woman that chooses acting as a profession cannot pretend not to know how business is conducted in a world that indulges in fantasy and lewdness. Not today, when stories of exploitation abound.

I can’t help but wonder why any beautiful young woman would agree to meet a man in his hotel room, especially if he has her future in his hands. What does she think he wants? As Israelis say “Don’t play stupid.”

I am not defending predators and yes, even modest women get molested at what should be safe places. But I know that for the most part it is our responsibility to choose a wholesome work environment and the way we dress.

I remember when I was in college my friend and I got offers to work at the Arthur Murray School of Dance. Our job was to teach awkward young men the basics of ballroom dancing. The pay was good and it was fun learning the steps. However my employer was insistent that when we dance with clients our skirts had to be very short and I was reprimanded twice before I quit. I was nauseated by what I was expected to contribute to the learning experience of my students.

I clearly remember the relief and the freedom I felt when a few years later I became religious and learned the halachot for dressing modestly. No more peer pressure to show off what was nobody’s business. No more pretending not to notice being ogled, no more denying that if I got whistled at it might be because of what I was or was not wearing.

Any woman who wants to be taken seriously should dress modestly, otherwise she competes with herself. Decide if you want people, especially men, to focus on your brain or your body. Take responsibility for how you present yourself and the environment you work in. Those actresses should not act shocked and mortified as to why this pathetic movie producer made demanding overtures that many felt they could not refuse.

The Torah forbids us to place ourselves in dangerous situations, both physically and morally. It’s true that everything happens for a reason but sometimes that reason is that you “play stupid” and make bad decisions.

The beginning of wisdom is the fear of Hashem.