Black Belt Emuna

It takes enormous emuna to face the reality of a devastating situation. Without faith in God, it would be nearly impossible for most. That’s why so many support groups are spiritual in nature. During a difficult time we need to be with people who believe in God, no matter what.

We all have the ability to live in denial when the truth of our situation is too frightening to accept but with emuna we can hold onto Hashem and take that first peek at what feels like a nightmare.

When God blows our world apart He throws out a rope of faith for us to grab hold of. We dare not refuse it.

Experiencing a tragedy, whatever it may be, is an opportunity to utilize every bit of faith you can muster, to wrap emuna around yourself like a second skin. It will bolster your hope, it will save your sanity and it can make you brave.

I remember how long it took me to accept that my daughter had suffered anoxic brain injury as a result of her heart attack. I couldn’t begin to consider that reality. I refused to get even remotely close to the thought. I hid behind Hashem, like a little girl hiding behind her father, sticking out my head from time to time to take a quick peek at the scary movie on the screen of my life.

I was terrified of my own reaction to my daughter’s condition; I thought I’d lose my own mind as well. It took me years to be able to say the words “anoxic brain injury” aloud and even now, as I write it, it gives me a little clench in my chest.

Without emuna I would have gone crazy. But slowly I came to accept her injury to whatever extent I could and as time passed I began to reach out and learn more about it. My emuna served me well and all the prayers for her recovery have had a visible impact. Today we rejoice in her continuing recovery and if you were to meet her, you would never suspect that eleven years ago she couldn’t remember where she lived.

Whenever I feel nervous about anything, I like to picture myself holding Hashem’s hand or even being attached to Him by one of those reins some parents use in places where it would be easy to lose your kid.

Emuna is that strap that ties me to my Heavenly Tatty and prevents me from getting lost in the midst of pain so intense, it feels dangerous.

When I was young and not religious, I used to admire people for their looks, popularity or wealth. I wanted to be talented, beautiful, rich and famous (how original). To me that was what it meant to be successful. To be someone!

Now I admire good people, Jews who lead lives of Torah and kindness, who are hit with incomprehensible tests of faith and become even more righteous. These are my role models, the people I admire. They are spiritual celebrities, the people I want to emulate.

Not that I want any difficult tests! We pray constantly that our tests should come in small packages; a missed bus, misplaced keys, a slight cold…that’s good enough for me, that’s just fine.

But what I do want is the courage and emuna I can see in the people I work with, the people I come to love for their fighting spirit and their willingness to forego nagging questions, like “Why me? Why him? Why now? And just plain, why?” It’s always a good idea to keep building up our emuna supply, while being grateful not to have to call in the troops.

It reminds me of my brother Chaim, who is a fifth degree black belt. He could kill someone with his bare hands if he had to, God-forbid, and it would only take a second. When we were teenagers I used to ask him, “Did you beat up anybody today?” I thought of him as a superhero, straining at the bit to right any wrong, to fight the bad guys and to set people straight.

He finally explained, “I try to avoid fights, I don’t look for reasons to hurt people. Just knowing I can defend myself makes me feel secure.”

I understood then that mastering the skill of self-defense was the point, to have that discipline, to hone that skill, while at the same time, hoping never to need it.

I noticed that my brother, who was a pretty tough guy, became softer over the years, refined and extremely polite.  The only time I actually saw him in action was when he braced planks of wood against the porch steps and quickly chopped them into blocks for a barbecue, using his hand.

We all need to become black belts in emuna. We have to be ready for anything yet pray daily for health, peace and prosperity and certainly not for big tests of faith.

When we do need to utilize our personal arsenal, our emuna will be the primary defense against the backlash of a new reality.

What is essential to know is that emuna is even stronger than reality because emuna creates a new reality. It can take you from being a pitiful victim of circumstance to a spiritual giant who defeats the dragon of despair. Chop chop!