Spiritual Aikido

“What do you think you’re doing?” gasped a horrified mom as she pulled up in front of my house to drop off her daughter for a Tae Kwon Do lesson. “Why are you taking pictures of my child?”

“I’m collecting evidence,” roared my neighbor, as she snapped a quick picture of the mom. “And now I’m going to get a shot of your license plate.” CLICK!

The upset mom quickly escorted her daughter into my house and interrupted my class to let me know about the nightmare going on outside. My neighbor, an older woman who lives alone, was apparently yelling and taking pictures of all the incoming students, their parents and their cars.

Now, I knew my neighbor didn’t like the fact that I was teaching classes out of my house. She made it clear to us a number of times that the traffic on our street caused by my students really upset her. She also made it clear that she HATED when they double-parked, loitered in their cars, took up vacant parking spaces, walked on her grass, or G-d forbid did a 3-point turn in her driveway. But taking pictures of people without their permission? This was something new!

So I sent my husband (who is a well-trained psychotherapist) to go outside and deal with the irate neighbor.  As usual, she immediately began to yell at him before he even said one word. “This is illegal, you arrogant son of gun! This is a residential block, it is n-o-t NOT zoned for business. I know you think you’re above the law,” she shouted, “but now I have all the evidence I need to call the city and have your illegal operation busted once and for all!”

My husband tried his best to reason with her and stay calm but all it did was send her further into her tirade. Things quickly escalated into a screaming match between the two of them until she had the last words with, “If tonight isn’t your wife’s LAST CLASS in your house, I’m calling the city first thing in the morning. No more karate school on this block, buster. UH-UH!”

When I emerged from teaching in the basement later that night, I was shocked to hear the news that I was being forced to shut down. After 8 years of running a quiet, peaceful, and low key little business, how could this nosy old lady who cuts her grass with a pair of scissors suddenly threaten to close me down? What does she care anyway?  She lives alone, stays home most of the time, and has a driveway for her car. It’s not as if any of the cars on the blocks or the people coming in and out actually affects her personally. I was tempted to go over there and give her a good ol’ tornado kick to the head to knock some sense into her.

Then after a few dizzying moments of anger and frustration, I remembered something important….Hashem runs the world, NOT my neighbor! And it was time to let go of the illusion that she was the one doing this to me. I decided from that moment on I was going to view her as nothing more than G-d’s trusty messenger.  A stick in His hand; and sticks are not only used to hit, they are also used to guide.

I immediately began to thank Hashem for this “problem” and the following morning following my personal prayer session, I went over to her house and knocked on her door. She answered a few minutes later with a frightening scowl on her face.

“Hi!” I smiled, “I want to thank you so much for caring about the traffic and the parking on our block. You are such a good citizen, and it’s so nice that you respect the rules and city ordinances about loitering, double parking, and of course zoning.” She looked curiously at me as if perhaps this was some sort of practical joke. “I also want to thank you for everything that you said to my husband last night because you helped me realize I shouldn’t be running classes out of my house. Gosh, I really owe you an apology for all the stress this has been causing you! I had no idea how much this was bothering you and selfishly, I never considered the impact of my business on the other people on the block. But now I get it, and I can really see how it has been disturbing you. I am very sorry.”

To say she was stunned is probably the understatement of the year. For all I know she was expecting me to sue her for harassing my students or to fight with her about the legality of the situation. But instead I smiled, thanked her profusely, and apologized for the things I did wrong.

With that, her face softened and she extended her arm with a smile.

For the first time in our history, we shook hands. She even called me a good neighbor!

I left her front door smiling at Hashem and feeling good about making peace. But as for a practical next step, I had no idea what I was going to do. I felt that G-d wanted me to find a different space for my classes but having never even considered this option before, I didn’t know where to begin. After making some calls and doing some research, I could tell that the process was going to take time.

Being that my neighbor and I were now on good terms, I went back to her house the following day and asked her to give me a 3 month grace period where I could continue working from home until I found my own space to rent. She agreed so long as I got my students to park around the corner and never drive, pull up, pick up, or drop off on our block!  Somehow we survived that period and now, a few months later, I am fully up and running in my new store front studio!

I never planned to take my business to the next level like this, but Hashem is the ultimate Planner, not me. What do I know about this stuff? If it weren’t for Him I would probably be teaching martial arts out of my basement for the next 30 years.  I am so grateful that He sent me His message through my neighbor; that He sent me Rabbi Lazer Brody to teach me that ALL things come from Hashem, and that He brought me to this amazing new studio which is such a pleasure to work in! I never would have done it on my own, but now that I am in a commercial space, I am better able to service my community by spreading even more empowerment, fitness and self-defense!

There’s one other important lesson I learned. Rebbe Nachman teaches that we should turn the negative energy of anger into the positive energy of compassion. That is the exact spiritual equivalent of Aikido, when you use the enemy’s negative force against you as a positive force in your favor. With Hashem’s help, that’s what I was able to do with my irate neighbor, and instead of feuds and court cases, everything turned out to be a blessing.