Your Kids and Torah

The true aspect of educating our children is to ensure that the Torah is passed on to the next generation.

I remember hearing a CD from Rabbi Lazer Brody that talked about two Torah scholars who were devoted to the Torah. But one of the scholars’ children didn’t stay on the path of observance. This certain man was very learned and scholarly yet his kids didn’t follow his path. How tragic! When asked why he thought that this was so, he knew right away. “I didn’t spend enough time with them on Shabbat. I would rush through the meal just to get back to my Gemara, I never sang or played with them.” The other man would sing, wrestle and just spend time with his kids – they ended up following the path of Torah.

On the one hand we can all identify with this man. Gemara learning can be an extremely revitalizing experience. The mind is challenged, you overcome the debates between the different Sages and then you get clarity. You feel like you just went to heaven. You have to experience this to know what I’m talking about but b’kitzur (in short), YOUR KIDS NEED YOU to have fun with them!

Then there are women who are involved up to their necks in social activities and forget what their real mission is. Sadly, often enough here in Jerusalem I’ll see women take their kids to the parks so that they can play. While their kids play the women are praying or reading psalms. When the kids come to get attention, which they not only want but NEED, they are ignored and dismissed. How does that make them think about the Torah? The Torah becomes their enemy in getting closer to their parents. Ouch!

A parent needs to be smart. Sometimes your personal Torah life and practice will not be comfortable. That’s OK! If you are a man, you might need to give up getting up for the earliest minyan and instead lend your wife a hand with getting the kids to school. If you are woman you might need to cancel some of your projects so that your children feel closer to you.

I myself have found that since becoming a parent the challenges are not easy. Sometimes you can’t get in your hitbodedut, sometimes you can’t pray in a minyan, and sometimes you do get to pray in a minyan but you can’t focus because you are chasing your toddler who wanted to come with you. The distractions are endless. But you know what? That’s what the boss – Hashem, wants from us. It’s a purification process for us to become less self-centered and to focus on preparing the next generation.

We would all benefit so much if we took time from ourselves and gave it to our kids. Reading stories, trips to the park, visiting the elderly and sick are all amazing things that a parent can do with their kid. These experiences ingrain into their hearts what it means to truly live with Hashem rather than being a boring robot. Kids like playing with robots, but they don’t want to become one.  In this way we are guaranteeing the future of the Jewish people. When we only worry about our own advancement in spirituality no one benefits. Because what they ask us in Heaven is very simply “Where are your kids?! Yes it’s true you made it!! But your kids are glued in to Facebook and computer games!!”

We must not only accept the Torah, but embrace this commitment and really figure out together with our spouses how we can make the Torah cooler than iPhone 6. It might be super hard, but if you make that effort and pray and beg Hashem to have mercy on you, YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER and the results will be amazing. You have to figure out how to connect to your kid on their individual level while taking their interests into account and presenting a world of Torah that they can own. Don’t be so strict and don’t expect miracles right in the beginning. But from now on take those steps in making the Torah fresh and beautiful.

Homework: Take a deep breath, close your eyes and ask Hashem, “Hashem how can I take the first step in beautifying your Torah in my children’s eyes?” Write down the first thing that comes to you and make a commitment to implement it together with your spouse. Pray for this and may you merit children who joyously love Hashem.