The EBay Bride

Dear Racheli,

Nearly a year ago, I met a wonderful guy on Facebook through mutual friends. We’ve spoken on the phone every day, and I really feel that this is the man I’m supposed to marry. He has asked me to move to his country, which is quite drastic. I am Brazilian and he is Emirati (from Dubai.)  The difference in religion doesn’t concern me, but my friends think I’m crazy. My heart tells me that this is the right thing to do. Actually, I don’t even know why I’m writing you…

Isabella

Isabella,

You absolutely do know why you’re writing me. It’s because you’re terrified deep down of doing something so incredibly stupid.

How can you possibly love someone that you’ve never met in person?! ANYONE can be Mr. Right on the phone! How hard is it to say nice things to each other when you don’t have to deal with living together and sharing the same bathroom? Come to think of it, phone relationships are the best! There’s no fighting about finances, where you want to go for dinner, or why he’s such a slob. Oh, wait – that’s because they’re not real relationships!

The evil inclination loves long-distance relationships between people that have never met in person. It’s so easy for him to work his evil magic on the two star-crossed lovers. Romantic fantasies abound, full of dreams of ‘round-the-world cruises and candlelit dinners in a five-star chateau in the French Alps. Okay, so I still have these fantasies. The only difference is that now I’m the only one in my fantasy. My husband is home watching the kids. Now isn’t that romantic?

Another thing: if this guy loves you so much, why hasn’t he ever come to visit you? And don’t give me the “he doesn’t have money” excuse. If he really wanted to visit you, he would have. Is this the way a gentleman is supposed to treat a lady? By sending her a plane ticket? That is, assuming Mr. Trump is paying for it. What are you, a shipping-prepaid EBay bride??

Tell him that if he’s serious about marrying you, first you need to meet each other in person, in your country. Let’s see how fast he gets on that plane for the “love of his life.”

Don’t worry, I’m not done just yet. Let me tell you a bit about the Arab world. I am not speaking out of any bias; I’m simply stating facts. There is a very sad phenomenon here in Israel of naive Jewish girls being romanced by good-looking Arab men, and convinced into marrying them. These men appear charming and know exactly how to behave. Isabella, do you know what happens to these girls?

They are swallowed alive into the Arab world, forced to live like Arabs, and all contact with their families is cut off. They are terribly abused, and their children may be as well. There is actually an organization that helps these women escape, though many times there is no escape.

How do you know this guy won’t do the same to you? How do you know he won’t abuse you or take your money or kill you, God forbid? It happens all the time, all over the world! It is very dangerous to meet someone online, because you simply don’t know who they are!

Furthermore, Arab culture is very insular. It’s not like the U.S., where people are more tolerant of other religions and lifestyles. This is Dubai, where political correctness does not exist. How well do you think they will accept you, an outsider? You do not know their culture and their customs. You will always remain an outsider, and this includes your children.

Isabella, at the bottom line of all this is your severe lack of emuna in Hashem. You do not believe that Hashem can provide you with your soulmate in your own country. Is anything too difficult for Hashem?

Drop this guy and start doing personal prayer! Spend 30 minutes a day asking Hashem to give you your soulmate. Ask for a person that you are compatible with and that you can spiritually grow and accomplish much with. Read “Women’s Wisdom” and “In Forest Fields,” and I am confident that you will find the man of your dreams in no time!

Warmest Regards,

Racheli