Thanks, Abba!

A letter to Hashem, from a simple woman who returned to Judaism after many years of searching. 

I did not know, Hashem, dear Father, Abba, Tatty, that everything I was looking for was right inside my own Torah, that you gave me! I never knew that you loved me so much!  I never knew how to even speak to you, or what tefilla, prayer, even meant.  I thought the “shema prayer” was a song?! But you loved me so much, you showed me a beautiful path back Home!  You helped me to show my children and husband what living Torah is all about!  We have grown so much, since you put your arm around me, and welcomed me back Home. Thanks, Abba!

I love what you taught me about my thoughts, Tatty.  You taught me that when I think a positive thought, you credit me, as if I already did the good deed!  You are so kind, that when I sometimes have negative thoughts, You do not count these at all!  I want to be that kind of parent to my children!!  Also, you helped me to understand that I actually create Angels, spiritual forces, with my words!!!  These Angels lead me in the direction I myself created!  That is so awesome, Tatty, that you give me so much influence in the direction of my life!  I really need you to help me guard my speech, and think good thoughts!!!

When I was struggling on the home front, with teens, piles of laundry, bills, and overflowing garbage in the kitchen, that apparently no one else could see, you taught me a priceless lesson.  You said that when I go above my nature, and hold back from yelling, complaining, or  name calling, You go above nature, and send me extra siyata de Shamaya, extra Divine Assistance!  I can actually bring your loving and helping hand into my home!!!  I can do it, by simply improving my own character!!  You are so kind, Hashem, so kind!!!  I know my family thanks you as well!

You have saved me a lot of heartache and pain, by giving me Rabbi Shalom Arush, and the Rav’s emuna teachings! Rabbi Arush taught me, that , the more time I spend with You, the closer we become!  I no longer want to speak to a therapist, I set my daily appointment with You!!  You are always on time, You always listen, and You always come through with good advice- flashes of ideas, direction!!  The best part is that you are free, and you make house calls!!

Hashem, Abba, you helped me see that you are very forgiving, and all I have to do is be sincere in my daily self-assessment, and really WANT to improve. I just need to ask You to forgive me, and to strengthen my desire to do Your will, and mean it! I learned to make amends with others, as a result of  this, when I have hurt them, too, and lose the arrogance, the false pride, and just be “real”.  I want to be forgiving, like You.  I want to be just like You and bring You joy, because I am so grateful that You love me so much- how else can I say “thank You”, than to strive to be the best I can, and bring You nachas– joy??!!

You love me so so very much, and You taught me that I can fix Creation- I can fix the world!!  I am so very important!!! My prayers can alter nature!  Nature says one thing- I pray, and nature changes- the power of prayer!! Wow, thank you , Hashem- I want to pray all day!!!  I want to pray that you have mercy on the Jewish people, and  help us all see how much you love us.  I want to pray that you shine your beautiful Light on the Jewish people, and help us love each other! I want to pray that You help us to forgive ourselves, too.

 I want to pray that You protect our Holy Land, and keep us safe!  I want to pray that you help every Jew have emuna, and know that everything that happens is all good, and from You, a loving and kind Dad!  I want to pray that all Nations come to see truth, and know You and call your name.

I love you so much Abba, Tatty, Hashem.  Help me to be kind and see only the good points in others, as you taught me that my judgment of others can actually move them in the Heavenly Court, from judgment to mercy!  That rocks!   I can save everyone by judging them favorably!  I feel so empowered to do good!!!  Help me to think good thoughts, speak only the good, and do tons of mitzvos, good deeds, and lets greet the Moshiach b’ rachamim, Tatty, send the Messiah in peace, please, Dad?  Let it be speedily!