Two Parts of One Whole

Every husband should feel that his wife is an inseparable part of him, despite the fact that they grew up in different homes, possibly far from one another, with different backgrounds and different educations. They are nonetheless one soul separated into two bodies. As soon as they stand under the wedding canopy together, they return to being one entity.

Hashem instilled an extra measure of insight within every woman. A husband’s intellectual forte is wisdom, but a wife’s is insight. She has a keen sense to see and feel things that he is totally unaware of. She can size up a guest, a stranger or a prospective business associate much better than he can. For this reason our sages suggest, “If you’re wife is short, bend down and listen to her” (tractate Baba Metzia, 59a). She has the gift of enhanced insight to help her run her household.

Building and insight go hand in hand, for with her insight, a woman builds her home. A man must understand that his intelligence and wisdom are worthless without her insight. In the words of the Zohar, wisdom and insight are two inseparable friends. Wisdom comes from the right lobe of the brain while insight comes from the left lobe. Just as wisdom and insight are inseparable, so are a man and a woman inseparable. One cannot flourish without the other.

Unfortunately, I have witnessed over the years countless problems in marital relations. Oftentimes, difficulties stemmed from the fact that the husband did not properly recognize and respect his wife’s insight. Needless to say, when he would add insult to injury, yelling at her, criticizing her and belittling her, a break up was almost unavoidable.

A husband must first internalize that a wife’s entire vitality comes from him. He must therefore honor her, cherish her and give her the feeling that her insight is ever so valuable to him. He must express and show his gratitude for all her contribution to their marriage and family. If he doesn’t do these critically important things, his home and marriage will be vulnerable to a long list of difficulties.

A woman’s main task is modesty. No wonder that the Torah tells us that she was created from the man’s rib, a concealed part of his body that is not revealed to the onlooker. She too must be modest, refraining from exposing herself to the gazes of onlookers. Not only must a woman’s appearance be modest, but her speech, behavior and desires must be modest as well. Frequently, a woman desires all types of material things that she has no need for; when these things are beyond the reach of the family budget, tension is created in the marriage.

Modesty and emuna go hand in hand, for both are gauged by a person’s happiness with his or her own lot in life. A woman who is happy with what she has therefore brings blessings into her home and ties her husband to her. She too must honor her husband, encourage him and appreciate everything he does for her. Children who grow up in a home of mutual respect, gratitude and joy will be spiritually and emotionally healthy, with enhanced chances of success in life.

The twenty two letters of the Hebrew alphabet – the holy Biblical tongue that we refer to as lashon hakodesh, are the building blocks that the Creator used to created everything. They are not merely letters, but actually garments that clothe spiritual lights from the upper realms. As such, the word for woman in Hebrew, isha, is a derivative if the Hebrew word for man, ish. Just as woman was taken from man, so the word for woman is derived from the word for man.

Since our alphabet and language are holy, then the mouth that speaks them should be holy as well. Our speech should be limited to Torah learning, prayer and mundane needs of absolute necessity such as making a living. A husband’s speech should especially be guarded in marriage, using it sparingly and for positive purposes only, such as encouraging and thanking his wife. The more he uses speech to illuminate her life, the happier their household will be.

How dear a husband’s sincere compliments are to a wife! “Sweetheart, you are the light of my life. You are everything to me. Any other woman is like a chimpanzee compared to you.” When a person speaks to his wife in such a manner, their home is the Garden of Eden. Instead of traveling to the Western Wall in Jerusalem, one would benefit by praying in a home where there’s marital bliss, for this type of home is a worthy sanctuary for the Divine Presence. Consequently, marital peace and success depends on the quality of one’s speech and the recognition that a husband and wife are two complementary parts of one beautiful whole.