The Jealous Husband

Dear Racheli,

I was recently exposed to Rabbi Arush’s books and Rabbi Brody’s cd’s, and they’re amazing and eye-opening. For the first time, I’m taking an objective look at myself and realizing that I’m not as perfect as I thought. One of my most pressing issues is jealousy. I am married to a beautiful woman and I’ve started noticing that I’m extremely jealous of her beauty. It drives me crazy to think of another man looking at her. How can I fix this?

Mike

Mike,

First, let me congratulate you. It takes a great deal of humility and honesty to admit to yourself that you have things to work on. My mother brainwashed me to think I was perfect, and I’m still suffering from that. Just ask my husband.

Second, although the first inclination would be to place 90% of the blame on your wife, this is not correct. Yes, she should not be dressing provocatively, if she does already. But, you have to be careful with how you approach this issue with her. If you give her the TSA pat-down and full body scan every time she leaves the house, the problem is more you than her.

If you feel she’s receptive, order her the CD, “Your Beauty.” Let Rabbi Brody take care of it. Trust me- if he convinced me, he can convince any woman to cover up! If she’s not receptive, don’t even approach it with her outright. Use more covert tactics like the FBI does, and pray to Hashem for her to be more open to dressing modestly.

Third, the real problem with your jealousy is you, not your wife’s beauty. Hashem just made your test more obvious by giving you such a beautiful woman as a wife. He could have paired you up with anyone. However, if you were married to a less attractive woman, you might not have ever realized that you had a jealousy issue to work on at all! Isn’t Hashem amazing?

Now, here’s the deal. Rav Arush writes in his book, “The Garden of Healing,” that jealousy is actually a form of mental illness. In other words, you’re crazy. Don’t feel bad, though! As Rebbe Natan says, “All of us are insane!” I’m not kidding!

In his book, Rav Arush writes of a guy that was so jealous of his wife, he wouldn’t let her talk to anyone, and he was always imagining that she was flirting with other men. He would give her the third degree: “Who were you talking to? Why did you go there?” This husband destroyed his marriage with his crazy imagination.

Rav Arush pinpoints the main cause of jealousy: “All those who are jealous about their wives have their heads filled with lustful thoughts.”

As you recover from that sucker-punch, here’s another one: “If their brain was clean from such thoughts, it wouldn’t even cross their mind. However, since they’re obsessed with their wives’ beauty, they’re sure that she and everyone else is as well!”

So how can you fix this? First, guard your eyes! This is the key to overcoming lustful thoughts. If you see it, you want it- just like a can of Coke. Or, in my case, a piece of chocolate. Yum.

Turn off the stupid Facebook and don’t go online unless you need to for work. Even the news is garbage and full of lies.

Second, you need to heal your soul from this disease of jealousy, and the only way to do that is with personal prayer. Spend a minimum of 30 minutes a day asking Hashem to help you guard the covenant. Those who abuse the covenant bring all sorts of mental illnesses and harsh judgments into their lives, as Rebbe Nachman reveals. This is because the loss of seed actually drains the brain of its fluids, and as a result, leaves plenty of spiritual space wide open for the Dark Side to start messin’ wit’ yo mind.

Third, you must make teshuva for all of the immoral thoughts and actions you have done up until now. Since they are likely too numerous to recall, at least do a general confession and bring up whatever specifics you can remember. While it’s certainly embarrassing to state in detail what you did, I think that it’s good to have a sense of shame about it; otherwise, would you really regret it if you didn’t? Furthermore, Hashem is a loving and forgiving Father. He won’t point His finger at you and laugh- I promise.

Mike, if you follow Rav Arush’s formula consistently, I am sure that in a very short amount of time you will feel the Divine spark of holiness begin to emerge from a place deep within you. May this incredible change that you’re about to make bring tremendous blessings of health, wealth, and everything good for you and your family!