Jumping Into the Fire

I don’t know how it is for you, but trying to pull myself out of idle time feels like pulling a donkey up a very steep hill. Once I’ve been sucked into an idle time vortex, it actually feels painful and nearly impossible to get my muscles moving in a positive direction. Whether I am being passively entertained on the computer or curled up in a cocoon of blankets on a cold day, I lose all motivation. Berating myself does little good and only causes the donkey to drive its hooves further into the dirt.

Recently I was reading a suggestion given by Rebbe Elimelech of Lizensk, in his work Tzettel Katan. He says that when one finds himself idle, he should contemplate sanctifying Hashem’s name, and “conceive in his mind as if a great and awesome fire is blazing before him to the very heart of heaven; and he, for the sake of sanctifying the name of Hashem, breaks his very nature and throws himself into the flames, so that His Name will be sanctified.”

Because Hashem connects good intentions with good deeds, the person will not be sitting idly any longer, but instead will be fulfilling a positive commandment in the Torah.

When I first read this, I thought, “wow, wow, wow… This Rebbe is super intense.” For most people, thinking about jumping into a fire doesn’t make for a relaxing evening. It seems kind of extreme. It’s not a thought you would want to share with a mental healthcare professional unless you are hoping to vacation in a locked room somewhere. And why interrupt well-earned idle time with this torturous thought? Just the pain of burning my finger on a hot pan causes an “owie” requiring the special Sesame Street band aids – my favorite being the little red Elmo guy.

Despite all my objections, I decided to toss my own logic aside and give Rebbe Elimelech’s exercise a try. A really cool thing happened. As I contemplated the fire, I began to feel very connected to the courageous heart of the martyrs – the long list of Jews who when faced with the choice to die or convert to another religion, chose death. In connecting to this place inside, I felt a lot of strength and determination. My stagnant stupor started to lift, and I felt a new surge of energy. I wondered how I could harness this energy to conquer my idle time in a bigger way.

Back in Rebbe Elimelech’s day, being idle meant sitting and doing nothing or lying in bed before a person fell asleep. These days idle time is much more complex – it comes with all the bells and whistles and the huge sucking vortex. We are hypnotized by passive entertainment. Our participation requires little or nothing other than a click. If we get caught in the Facebook maze, it could be hours before we find our way out. We just have to click on one more “friend.” Or we just have to read one more news item. Or we just have to play our game “one more time.” The “one more time” turns into another and another “one more time.”

Whatever the case, the strong addiction to idle time, does require something extreme. What better way to overcome it, then to get in touch with our own martyr’s heart – the place inside that when it comes down to it, really does know what is most important in life and is willing to pay the cost of sanctifying Hashem’s Name.

The little “innocent” game of Suduko was eating up a few hours of my time each day. I just had to play “one more time.” That mantra became a cue to propel myself out of the vortex. I began contemplating sanctifying Hashem’s Name. I found the strength within the martyr’s heart to do something positive out of love and dedication to Hashem. This also helped me jump out of depression slumps. By doing something positive, I felt better about myself. The more I practiced, the easier it became, and the more positive things I accomplished.

Rebbe Nachman taught that the smallest effort we make down here, is tremendous in the Heavens. It can look like you moved only an inch, but in the Heavens you really moved miles. Every effort matters.

There is so much we can do with the little pockets of time that are available. We can pray for Israel, listen to emuna lessons, study Torah, develop the talents Hashem gave us in order to do our mission, read a book to our kids, or really listen to our spouse. The list is endless. The positive effects in the world are monumental.

The more we disengage from wasting time, whether by this method or another, the easier it will become. Eventually idle time will become repulsive, and we won’t allow it to eat away our lives. We will automatically want to show Hashem He is number One in our hearts.

May we all be blessed with the strength to overcome, with the gift of doing our mission here, and may a multitude of Hashem’s children be drawn closer to Him through our efforts.