Nothing to Lose but Pounds

Shalom alechem, dear friend and reader!

Firstly, let me apologize for my clumsy preamble. I’m sorry for the lack of literary quality in this article, but writing it was a difficult thing to do. In truth, I very much wanted to not write this at all, because I’m no professional writer. The only reason I did so was to help other people with weight-control problems like mine. The truth is that my weight loss is still an on-going battle, and it isn’t really something that generates hope, pride, or satisfaction, but in any case, I’ll still tell it. So here goes:

I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember. While growing up, my weight was the subject of ridicule, snide comments, disagreeable looks, and bullying, and at some point, although I’m not sure when, I began to see myself as being overweight. It was a deeper thing than just accepting that I was overweight and could stand to loose 50 or so pounds, it was a change in my self-definition. I saw myself as being fat, and that my body-fat and me were one and the same. For whatever reason, when I was a child, I resolved that I would be overweight for the rest of my life, and despite a few failed diet attempts and exercise regimes, as the years passed I never really felt like that conclusion I drew as a child was flawed.

It was a difficult thing to hate being overweight, so I made myself accept the fact that I would be subjected to the great misfortune of being overweight for the rest of my life. I essentially gave myself the unwavering ability to hate myself forever, and as I aged, I neglected myself and gained more and more weight, and disgusted myself proportionately. This continued until about a year and a half ago, when I was standing just shy of 350 pounds. Nothing helped me.

One day, my mother gave me a Rabbi Shalom Arush CD translated and narrated in English by Rabbi Lazer Brody entitled Healthy Eating.This was six months ago, and I never thought to listen to it, but for some reason, I decided to give it a play when driving to work. I thought it was interesting, and therefore listened to it again on the way back from work. I continued doing this everyday while commuting until I listened to the CD maybe 40 or 50 times (admittedly I did stop after this to listen to other Rabbi Arush/Brody CDs ), and I must say that it changed me. Here’s what happened:

Late at night I would go to the fridge and while deciding what I wanted to eat, a foreign thought would pop into my head asking, ‘Are you eating for yourself, or are you eating for Hashem?’ That was a tough question – my conscience was now quoting Rabbi Brody full volume. I couldn’t answer that I was about to have a piece of pie in honor of Hashem, so I would turn around and go back to bed. After a while I wasn’t even going to the fridge, and I would ask myself if I was eating for Hashem or me while still in bed. Since then, I’ve lost around 100 pounds, and I have to say that the main thing Rabbi Brody taught me is to eat to live, instead of living to eat. Before eating, I try to pray that Hashem helps me to eat only for the satiation of my soul, so that I may perform mitzvot, instead of eating for the satiation of my body. It took listing to this live-saving CD 40 times for me to realize that I didn’t have to live the way I decided when I was 8 or 9 years old, that I wasn’t fat because I was terrible, or unlucky, but I just have a strong Yetzer Hara. I thank Hashem for helping me overcome this Yetzer Hara for overeating by sending me such good messengers as Breslev Israel and Rabbis Arush and  Brody.

I’m starting to believe in myself and like myself much better. I now weigh 250 pounds instead of 350 pounds. As soon as I lose a little more weight, I’ll start looking for a wife, G-d willing.

You don’t have to suffer. If I could lose weight, you surely can. Diets won’t help, but emuna and prayer surely will. Give it a try – you have nothing to lose but extra pounds.