Stealing Beauty

Ken is a successful entrepreneur. He owns several companies that he started up himself. He’s sharp, witty, and very handsome. He lives in a million dollar apartment on the ocean. He drives a sexy black Mercedes McLaren. Ken has everything he wants, including a trophy wife.

As soon as he laid eyes on Barbie four years ago, he was taken away with her beauty. She captivated him with her gorgeous blue eyes and her wavy, perfect blonde hair. And her body- those legs were impossibly perfect, along with the rest of her. She was lacking in the conversation department, but Ken didn’t care. He knew that he had to have her all to himself.

They married in a luxurious, over-the-top wedding at the grandest hotel in the city. The first year was one nonstop honeymoon. Ken took some time off from work and they traveled around the world. They dined in the finest restaurants in the most romantic cities. They shopped at the most upscale, exclusive boutiques in the world. They took extended trans-Atlantic cruises. Barbie was in heaven.

Now she may have not had a lot to say, but she was no fool. She knew that Ken fell in love with her because she was unusually beautiful. After all, she was a world-renowned supermodel who made tens of thousands of dollars each time she set foot on the runway. So of course, she was going to make every effort to look drop-dead gorgeous for Ken each day.

After the first year, things began to change. Their honeymoon was slipping away from them. Little fights started sprouting up like weeds in their romantic garden. Eventually those fights got bigger, and soon they started to drift apart.

Don’t most couples go through this shift in their marriage? The question is – why? Is this phenomenon something that everyone must expect as an inevitable reality when they get married?

Let’s take a closer look at Ken and Barbie’s marriage. What was happening underneath the glossy image of their perfect life?

Well, for starters, Ken knew what a catch he was. At 6’2” with perfect chiseled features and sparkling green eyes, he saw the way women fell over themselves for him – and he liked it. In his mind, there was nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting here and there. After all, he wasn’t cheating. And since there was nothing wrong with flirting, there was certainly nothing wrong with checking out what was on the market, just for fun’s sake. After all, what did G-d create eyes for, if not to enjoy the sights?

Gradually, Barbie started to feel that she wasn’t getting his undivided attention and adoration any more. They still went out to the fanciest restaurants, but nowadays Ken spent a lot more time texting his business partners on his Blackberry than enjoying his time with his wife. She noticed that when she got dressed up in her most elegant clothes and had her hair professionally done, he didn’t do his usual pretend faint and amazement when he saw her all done up. In fact, he didn’t even tell her she looked beautiful.

Over the years her hurt and resentment started to build up, yet she tried even harder to look gorgeous and get his attention. Eventually, after four years, nothing seemed to stop their constant head-on collisions with each other, and they divorced.

Did you ever notice how many stunningly beautiful divorcees there are? I recall watching “reality” shows about housewives of Orange County and noticed that each one was more gorgeous than the next. Yet all of them were either divorced, on their way to divorce, or starting their second or third marriage.

What a strange phenomenon. Or is it?

It’s no phenomenon according to Judaism. Rav Arush explains it clearly in his marital guides for men and women, “The Garden of Peace” and “Women’s Wisdom”, respectively. It’s all about their spiritual corrections.

A man’s hardest spiritual correction has to do with guarding the covenant. How is he supposed to be successful? Through guarding his eyes. The woman’s hardest correction is to guard her beauty. How does she do this? Through dressing and acting modestly.

What is spiritually happening to the couple that doesn’t do this? Kabbalah explains it in terms of stealing energy and light. If a man doesn’t guard his eyes, he is literally sucking the energy from the woman he’s staring at. As a result, he has now filled his heart with desire for another woman. Therefore, his desire for his wife suffers. Not only that, but he has also taken away the other woman’s husband’s desire for her!

The wife that goes around stealing other husbands’ love from their wives will therefore suffer the same consequences. No matter how gorgeous she is, her husband will find it impossible to love her the way she wants to be loved.

Ironically, she starts to dress even sexier in her desperate attempt to get more attention, and only ends up contributing to the disaster her marriage has turned into.

What is the solution for Ken and Barbie? Well, he needs to stop staring at every woman on the street, and she needs to cover up those impossibly long legs. What is sacred about the intimate connection between husband and wife if everyone gets to see what only the husband should see?

Granted, it’s not as glamorous to not go around in haute couture, turning heads. But isn’t it worth what you’re getting in return? The happy marriage you’ve always dreamed of.