Time for Our Children

Translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody

Children are the true yardstick of parental success. There are stories of Torah luminaries whose children went off the Torah path because of the scholar’s preoccupation with his own spiritual growth while failing to devote sufficient time and attention to his children.

The Torah repeatedly commands us to educate our children. In fact, the mitzvah of child education appears in every one of the four parshiot (segments from the Torah) that are included in tefillin, in both parshiot of the mezuzah, and in the Shema prayer  that we say morning and night. As such, educating our children is a holy obligation to Hashem, Who so mercifully entrusted us with these tender souls. When we look at all of an adult’s obligations in Judaism – from prayer to Torah learning to character refinement to making a living – educating children jumps to the top of the list in importance.

Many protest and say, “If there’s no flour, there’s no Torah!” True, but if a parent is obsessed with making money at the expense of fulfilling his obligations toward his children, he’s likely to have a rude awakening; what good is the money if the children are wild and unruly? Alarmingly, the same goes for a parent who concentrates on his own spiritual advancement while neglecting his children’s Torah and service of Hashem. What good is his lofty spiritual level if the children are left behind? We must therefore plan and set aside time for our children while not allowing anything to interfere.

Children are our best investment – what we put in, we get back. Every bit of time, effort, and forethought that we invest in our children generates superb dividends.

There are many stories about great spiritual leaders who had tremendous public responsibilities and difficult demands on their time. Yet, they set aside time to learn with their children and grandchildren. With that in mind, we must find the time to fulfill an active role as parents, devoting attention to our children and their development.

In effect, we don’t have 24 hours a day for ourselves. Once we have children, we must designate the time we need to devote to them daily – off the top as first priority – and make do with the remaining hours. For example, a person with four children would be wise in spending a half-hour daily of quality time with each child; that requires 2 hours a day. As such, he should see his own day as 22 hours only, for the children’s two hours are sacred.

People complain that they have no time, but the truth is that they find time for what they really want. With this in mind, one who can’t find time for his children doesn’t especially hold them in his highest priorities. If a parent wants, no matter how severe the demands on his time are, he can find time for his children, such as on Shabbat and weekends. Just as there always seems to be time for whatever an individual holds in importance, there’s time to be a parent too.

The way a child begins his day is tremendously important. A parent’s loving wake-up smile first thing in the morning, ample time to wash and dress, a nutritious breakfast, and a loving send-off to school with no rushing, panicking, or yelling is a guarantee that a child will be able to learn, function and concentrate at peak performance. When the morning starts off well, so does the rest of the day. If the morning is a chaotic mad rush, or if a child has to sadly get off to school on his own, then he won’t be able to fulfill his potential. This is a classic example when parents must put aside their own priorities for the sake of investing in their children.

We’re not just talking about a father putting down the morning newspaper and cup of coffee to help the children in the morning. If a father must choose between praying in his favorite minyan or being able to recite the morning blessings with his children and send them off to school with a hug, a smile and a blessing, then he should find a minyan, such as a sunrise minyan, that enables him to properly care for his children. The dividends are prodigious. The love and attention given to children at a young age saves loads of problems at a later age.

The unfortunate reality of modern society is that many parents are happy to shirk their responsibilities as parents. Parenting doesn’t succeed in competing with their other endeavors in life such as career and hobbies; indeed, the role of being a parent simply doesn’t appear on their list of roles in life.

Such a nonchalant attitude toward parenthood works out as long as the children are doing well emotionally, physically, and educationally. But, as soon as a crisis erupts, the same parents yell, “Help!” Like a drowning person who never learned to swim, they’re at a loss as to what to do about their child’s problem. That’s too bad; the old adage says that an ounce of prevention saves a pound of cure. Every tiny effort in becoming a better parent wards off unfathomable potential problems that would have popped up in the future. The effort we invest before a crisis erupts is small compared to the effort we need to invest after a problem surfaces.

Parents who monitor their children’s development are able to foresee problematic areas before they become overt crises. For example, they can see that something is bothering their child before the child suffers severe damage. A child who receives attention will grow up feeling that he’s high on his parents’ list of priorities; such a child will have confidence and a positive self-image, both of which are critical tools for the future. May you have much joy from your children, amen!