Abba – Improve Your Performance! 

Translated from Rabbi Arush’s feature article in the weekly Chut shel Chessed newsletter. The articles focus on his main message: “Loving others as yourself” and emuna. 

“Creator-cracy”  

The world is not a democracy. The most important things in your life you do not choose: your parents, your siblings, when you will be born and where, and even the bank clerk who will serve you. The latter can be nice or not so nice, and you cannot change that. In choosing your spouse as well – you have a 50% choice, and that too is misleading, as Chazal reveal to us that the decision as to whom you will marry is rendered even before you are born.  

Our parasha allows us a peek into the decision-making room: How leaders of the Jewish People are really chosen. Moshe Rabbeinu, who was the wisest of the wise, couldn’t make this pivotal decision and turned to Hashem, Who knows all the spirits, to find the worthy leader. Moshe stated exactly what he wanted a leader to have – and it is very interesting! “A man of the assembly, who will go out before them and come in before them, who shall take them out and bring them in; and let the assembly of Hashem not be like sheep that have no shepherd.” Hashem chooses Yehoshua Bin Nun and mentions the one character trait that caused Him to choose him: “A man who has spirit in him,” who knows how to connect to the spirit of each and every one, as Rashi explains.  

The Jewish People is the purpose of this world. And the flock needs a faithful shepherd. It comes out then that the most important role in Creation is that of the leader of the Jewish People.  

Jews are Princes 

And already at this stage, I wish to surprise you, and tell you that the defining considerations when it comes to choosing a leader apply to each and every one of us. Every Jew must work to acquire the ideal character traits of a leader of the Jewish People. Because each and every one of us is a big or small leader within his circle of influence. There are those who lead communities, shuls, a class in a Talmud Torah, yeshiva, Kollel, workers. And there are those who lead families. And a person ought to lead himself as well. As Rabbi Nachman writes: “Because there is within every Jew an aspect of royalty – there is he who rules in his home, and there is he who rules more, and there is he who rules the entire world – every person in keeping with the aspect of royalty he possesses.” 

And therefore, the paragraph describing the choosing of the leader of the Jewish People is important and relevant and has a direct message for each and every one of us!! Every one of us must be a person “who has spirit in him” – able to contain any person in accordance with his state, and to go out and come in ahead of the souls he is in charge of.  

To Give Heart and Soul 

To simplify things, let’s talk directly about the figure of the father as leader of the family. The first thing is “who will go out before them and come in before them and will take them out and bring them in.” You are responsible and personally involved in every issue. If your wife has a problem, you don’t send her away to take care of the problem and to cope with it herself; rather, this is your personal problem and you are going to be fully involved, as in the story told of Rabbi Aryeh Levine who said to the doctor: “My wife’s leg is hurting us.” 

Your son is having difficulties in his Talmud Torah? Don’t throw the blame on the rebbe, the principal, or any other figure in the community. Rather, be at the forefront of the battle and do everything you can. Cancel all other activities and invest quality time and attention, and money for counselors in your child. And the main thing is that you sit with him and move him forward. No one else will invest heart and soul like you will, and no one else will invest heart and soul if he doesn’t feel that you care about this child as a father, personally.  

When a teacher in a Talmud Torah came to consult with Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu zt”l about one of the students, the rabbi asked him: “Did you fast for him?” The teacher was astonished. “What? I’m supposed to fast over a student?” But for Rabbi Eliyahu, who was certainly one of the shepherds of the Jewish People, it was obvious that every father and rebbe is obligated to fast and pray with all his might, devotedly, for his students and children. You are not looking at the problem from the outside. You are deep inside the problem – “I am with him in the trouble!” 

Being an Educator Obligates You  

Rashi says: Who will take them out – with his merits; and will bring them in – with his merits. When you are the leader, your personal service of Hashem has more significance. Those you are leading are directly dependent on your merits, on your prayers, on your avodat Hashem (service of Hashem). You are a leader, and this obligates, first and foremost, you. 

To be personally involved means, certainly, to know who your children’s friends are and what they like to do, to be familiar with their inner world, their desires, their open and hidden qualities, and to “connect to the spirit of each and every one.” Not to try to fit them all into the same matrix, but rather, to “train the youth according to his way.” 

The Spirit Within You 

But the most important thing is to be a man who has spirit in him. and Rabbi Nachman explains this practically speaking, and how important and fundamental this is: “The tzaddikim, the true leaders of the generation, have the essence of spirit. As it says: ‘A man who has spirit in him, who should know how to connect to everyone’s spirit.’ And Yisrael’s essence is the heart, because they are the heart of the entire world (Zohar), and the leaders of the generation have to breathe their spirit onto each and every one of Yisrael, to blow away the earthiness – in other words the depression and sadness – that descends upon them, chas vechalila, since when that happens, the Jew, whose essence is the heart, cannot burn and yearn for a Hashem yitbarach, and that way the true tzaddikim instill enthusiasm for Hashem yitbarach in the hearts of Jews.” 

And as we said above, it’s not only the tzaddik, but you too, as a father, a teacher, a principal, and as a leader in your current place – you must be full of spirit, full of enthusiasm, on fire. You are the one who ignites the souls under your control. You are the one who takes all the sadness away from them. There is no such thing as a sad father. There is no reality of a father who has no fire in him. A teacher doesn’t come to the classroom tired and worn out. You are the one who ignites everyone. You are the one who brings the light into your home and classroom. You are responsible for your wife’s mood, your children and students’ mood. It is your responsibility that they should leave for school happy and return home happy – “who will take them out and bring them in.” For in joy you will go out! 

If the child wakes up coughing in the morning, his eyes suspiciously shiny, it is clear to you that you are to take his temperature and take him to the doctor. The child’s smile has to be checked every morning and every evening as well; children should get up happy and go to sleep with a hug and a smile and encouragement. 

Leave all your worries and troubles at the door of your house. You are the engine of the entire house. If your fire is out, you put your children’s fire out, and your wife’s. You deny them oxygen, the air they need to breathe. This of course has a direct effect on their entire avodat Hashem. There is no chance they will succeed in their avodat Hashem without this oxygen. This is true even of bodily health, and all the more so of emotional health. Because good health depends on joy, as Rabbi Nachman and all the doctors say.  

You Are Trusted! 

Let us end with a greatly empowering message. Hashem commands Moshe to stand Yehoshua before the entire community and to place his hand upon him, and Moshe stands Yehoshua as told and places two hands on him, lovingly, and with a good eye. One hand of his is acting, so-to-speak, as an agent of Hashem, and the other one is acting as himself. 

And this is telling every one of us, wherever he’s at: Dear Jew, if Hashem grants you royalty, know that He trusts you, that He believes in you, in your spirit! The tzaddik, too, who is Moshe Rabbeinu, trusts you, and places you at the head of your flock: Go with this strength and bring salvation to the Jewish People!