Take God’s Hand – Part 2

So here I was, so excited and wanting to fulfill this amazing advice that had given me such a spiritual uplift and finding myself utterly unable to do so. The more I tried, the more I realized two things: 

1. I had to pray for prayer. I started asking Hashem not only for what I wanted to do or receive, but also that I should remember to pray beforehand. 
2. I was expecting far too much of myself! Hashem sent me this beautiful allegory to help me understand: 
   My little one year old happily takes my hand to lead her down the overstuffed hallway and through the tight corner into my bedroom of our Jerusalem abode. She knows she could trip easily so she feels secure holding my hand to steady her. She doesn’t feel bad about needing my hand whatsoever! Just the opposite – she knows she is small, and she is just a baby, she is supposed to need my hand. She is very happy knowing someone big is there to help her! 

As I walked her down the hallway that day, I understood the message from Hashem clearly. 

I remember a comment from Rabbi Arush years ago. He said one particular day, he was suddenly sad. So, he hopped in the car to drive to the field to start personal prayer – being sad is a big emergency! On the way, he saw a group of little kids jumping in the tall grass enjoying themselves. He said that he immediately got the message from Hashem:  

We all know that we are God’s children. What we don’t realize is that we’re not the “big grownups” we think we are compared to Him. We’re his little cutie toddlers!  

If only we’re toddlers in fact – the concept of “standing” refers to standing in our emuna. Most of the world are newborns in Hashem’s arms – utterly helpless, unable to do anything for themselves. If the person can stand in tests of emuna, then they are like a one-year-old who can stand. Woah, those who can walk in emuna with Hashem! Rabbi Arush said the biggest tzaddikim are like a 5-year-old – that’s the most advanced a human can possibly get.  

I realized that this was my problem! I was expecting myself to suddenly be a “big girl.” But I’m not a big girl, nor am I expected to be one. I should never be expecting myself to manage on my own, and then get upset when I can’t. It would be like a baby getting upset that they toddle and fall all the time! 

The key is to simply recognize that I am just (hopefully) a little one year old baby. I’m trying to stand in my emuna. I’m trying to stand in the advice Rabbi Arush gives me. I cannot do it alone, nor am I expected to do it alone. Hashem’s hand is always there ready and waiting to steady me – I just need to take it! I just need to pray and ask for His help, for His guiding hand, to steady me, to help me walk and not trip! 

I heard a beautiful explanation of this concept from Rabbi Nachman Arush shlita, the Rav’s son. He was discussing the sin of the spies in the Torah portion of Shlach. He explained that someone can only feel small if they think they are supposed to be big. Hence, the comment of the spies that they were like ants in the eyes of the giants, shows that the spies’ sin stemmed from arrogance.  

He said the truth is just the opposite of the spies’ mistake. They were afraid to go into the land and maybe they would get stuck in all the physicality of planting and reaping and working the land. Hashem promised He would help them, but what if they stopped being worthy? 

Rabbi Nachman explained that the truth is just the opposite. The goal is not the perfection of the tzaddikim. You can’t “stop being worthy” unless you stop trying. The effort of being involved in physicality, and still trying to work at spirituality, gives Hashem incredible satisfaction. The work of being imperfect, and falling spiritually, yet getting up and trying again, doing teshuva and repenting and praying for help to do better in the future – all of this is what makes Hashem happy. Hashem created the world for this purpose exactly!  

God doesn’t want or expect perfection, and we don’t have to worry about “falling from grace” the moment we fail to be perfect. We should never be so arrogant to think the world was created for perfection. No, the world runs on mercy and not judgment because God already knows we can’t stand up to such a test, and He doesn’t expect of His creations what they cannot do. Hashem says that the Torah is “in your heart and in your mouth to fulfill it.”  

But we cannot be so arrogant as to think we can do it all alone. The Gemara says straight out that if Hashem does not help us, we cannot beat our Evil Inclination. We must have humility, and recognize how small we are, how small we were designed to be, and not be so arrogant to think we can or should do it alone.  

We just need to take His hand, pray, and ask for Hashem’s help! 

*** 

Rachel Avrahami grew up in Los Angeles, CA, USA in a far-off valley where she was one of only a handful of Jews in a public high school of thousands. She found Hashem in the urban jungle of the university. Rachel was privileged to read one of the first copies of The Garden of Emuna in English, and the rest, as they say, is history. She made Aliyah and immediately began working at Breslev Israel.   
   
Rachel is now the Editor of Breslev Israel’s English website. She welcomes questions, comments, articles, and personal stories to her email: rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il.